6 year old son won't give me any space

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I'm not really moaning. My sons funny and happy go lucky. But he's 24/7 at me and I'm struggling to get stuff done. He wakes up at the crack of dawn. This morning I tip toed through at 6am made a coffee and by 6.07 he was sat next to me. Wanted his breakfast. Not a problem may I add, although I had not even sipped my drink and wanted 10 minutes. I then went out at 6.50 to peg the washing out. He kept talking to me. I was whispering to him to be quiet as its early. He then followed me in and began asking if he could have a shower which I don't mind but he knows I've already said if he wants to meet our friends later he needs to let mummy have a shower and put the washing away that I could not do last night because he refused to sleep until 9.45 because of the heat, but insisted on sitting with Me until I caved and went to lay down with him. Yesterday all day he was at my feet wanting me.
He has a 9 year old sister and sometimes she amuses him and its not so bad.

Its not a moaning post. Its more a is this standard for 6 year old boys? I try and be firm and tell him sometimes that I need him to go play for half an hour or watch tele and let me be in My bedroom so I can sort the washing. But he comes and sits on the bed and just won't accept I want him to go in the other room.

Having a half hour quiet time first thing and before bed is the difference between me feeling ready for the day or smothered. All I wanted to do last night was go in the garden after they were in bed and have one cider as its my night off work (back tomorrow) and by the time he gave in I wasn't able to. Then as top of the post stated he was up 7 minutes after me.

What are your 6 year old like? I actually love how affectionate he is and really hope I don't look horrible in this post. He won't even let me get dressed alone.

Medication is a game changer though.

I absolutely would not medicate her. I’ve seen what that does to a person. If she wants to do that when she’s older that’s her choice but it’s not something I’m prepared to do to her

@Gymmum82 don’t cut your nose off to spite your face. Having this diagnosis can open many doors for your child. More doors that would be open for an undiagnosed child. I’ve seen what years of going through undiagnosed health problems, have done first hand. If you genuinely feel there could be something there, follow through with it.
You could get access to parenting courses, EHCP, medication etc; none of this can be done if you don’t follow through.
ETA: your child wont always be in this class…

train him to get his own breakfast.

audible stories in bed at night, darkened room.

My son is nothing like this and he's 6 next week. Very chillled, happy to play by himself.

His little sister on the other hand is much more full on!

It's luck of the draw 😂

And medication pulled my adhd dd out of 18 months of school refusal.

It cleared her mind, but more importantly calmed her anxiety and low mood.

Don’t fall for all the hype of missing his younger days when he’s older. Your job is to raise an independent human being. A clingy limpet who can’t spend a single minute on his own is a handicap to himself and any unfortunate partner he latches onto.
There’s been some good guidelines posted, start working through them until you find the ones that work. Make it a game, make it fun if that’s your jam, but ditch your little dictator, it’s really not doing him any favours.

I agree.

When did we become so passive ? It will do him good to realise the world doesn’t revolve around him.

When I was a kid I would be sent outside/upstairs to play and told in no uncertain terms to leave mum/dad alone for 10 minutes.

Does he have friends round? Mine would get like that when there was nobody to play with. Different times though. Not everybody was at work all the time and we either had a houseful of kids, or they were at someone else's house. Or outside. It's tough now!

She’ll be in the class until the end of primary school which is a pretty long time. It feels (maybe wrongly) like every man and his dog has ADHD at the minute and it’s just not a bandwagon I want to get on. Not belittling anyone else’s diagnosis. But it’s just not for me

@Gymmum82 I do totally get that I honestly do. You aren’t wrong. Just think about your options and keep an open mind. Sending support though, as I’m going through the same.

😧your poor child.

You are denying any support or help for a disability she may have.

ADHD wiped my dd out of school for 18 months, It can be a serious and debilitating condition.She self harmed because of it and was too anxious to speak to anyone.

She wasn’t like this at junior school, but believe me the wheels really come off in secondary. I wouldn’t wish the last 2 years of hell that we’ve been through on anyone. All driven by ADHD. Her life has been beyond transformed by medication.

It’s neglect.

I think you do just have to be firmer. It's a toss up between the guilt of having to be more assertive and the lack of space I'm afraid.
But imo you shouldn't feel guilty about having firmer boundaries as yes it's lovely he's so affectionate, but he will need to learn to give people space when they need it otherwise he won't be able to maintain friendships very well. So don't feel guilty about telling him you need space, you are helping him learn.
I have a 6yo and a 9yo and a baby. If I need space or I don't have the energy to converse or I'm overestimated and need to go be alone... I just explain that to my kids and am firm with them about it. As long as you properly explain and tell them you love them and you'd love to listen to/play with them, but you can't do that right now because of 'insert reason'. So they don't take it personally.
I'm very strict about mornings and bedtimes as well because I'd fall apart, I don't do well with lack of sleep.. so I've just had to be harsh about it. If they get up before me they amuse themselves because they know if they wake me up too early we won't be doing any fun things because I will be too tired.
You just have to become comfortable with prioritising your needs sometimes. You can't be at your child's beck and call all the time.. at 6yo they are old enough to understand that.

And just to add my 6yo is under assessment for adhd and asd. Yet I have still implemented these boundaries with her. Obviously not all ND kids are the same and it may be much harder or nigh on impossible with some. But it doesn't necessarily mean they can't understand clear boundaries and won't eventually adapt.

It’s not neglect. She’s not struggling. In life or school. Yes she has traits of ADHD which I’m aware of but she has no ill effects of these other than she’s ‘on’ all the time. If she was struggling I would reconsider. However I’ve seen the other kids get zero support. I’ve seen what the medication has done to them, not sleeping, not eating among other things. I’ve seen what it’s done to an adult friend and I don’t want that risk with my young child. As I’ve said when she’s older if she wants to pursue it that’s her decision but now she is young and mostly unaffected so we’ll keep it that way

Mine wasn’t struggling at that age in any way. Seemed a normal happy child.

Then it all kicked off in secondary ( as it does) and we ended up with 18 months out of school and an EHCP. For a child that seemed fine.

It what you sign up to with kids...

My 5 year old is similar although maybe not quite so intense. He will go off with his brother and play but every 5 minutes come back in.
When his brother isn't here he will ask constantly, can you look at this, come and see etc etc so I can't get anything done 😂.

Is it! Not being able to get dressed on your own and being told you are rude by a six year old because you don't want them to go with you when you shower isn't what the OP wants or what she signed up for.

😧*your poor child.

You are denying any support or help for a disability she may have.

ADHD wiped my dd out of school for 18 months, It can be a serious and debilitating condition.She self harmed because of it and was too anxious to speak to anyone.

She wasn’t like this at junior school, but believe me the wheels really come off in secondary. I wouldn’t wish the last 2 years of hell that we’ve been through on anyone. All driven by ADHD. Her life has been beyond transformed by medication.

It’s neglect.*

Fuck me, talk about projecting!

Just because your dd has been 'transformed by medication' does not mean that someone else's child should have it.

It's not neglect. And that is a terrible thing to say. And it's ridiculous.

Exactly. For very small children perhaps yes. As they get older we need to teach them a bit more than that or you are doing them a disservice.

My youngest can be very similar. It's very discouraging as some.days I feel.like I spend the whole.day just trying to get the opportunity to sit down with a drink and ot do anything! I've tried to be very firm. The holidays represent a new routine and so I'm.not going to be 100% on tap like I might be during term.time....I'll just lose my mind. A few weeks in i think she is beginning to adjust to a new routine and expectations. I give advance notice of when I'm going to sit down with a drink and also refuse to do anything while I have my morning cup.of tea. I would say the whinging has definitely reduced and I'm getting some small.slots of me time. I guess from her perspective she is used to a certain level of engagement from.me when she is at home and quite naturally doesn't make the distinction between when we have a few hours after school and when we have many, many hours during the holidays. I need my own space a it and also have older children so have booked her into a holiday club for a few days over the summer to give me some respite.

No one knows what you will get - it's how you bring them up etc.

He probably needs some independence and to be able to play out, times have changed however children are like flowers you need to let them grow!