Separated still in love family holiday booked

[Anonymous280684]

We have been separated a few months I still love my husband we have 3 kids and a family holiday booked for 3 weeks time my husband is going with the children regardless he's said I should go to relax and have fun as a family and be "friends" I want to go in the hope it'll bring us closer and rekindle, however I'm scared to go in fear of rejection and it making things worse what should I do?

Yeah it is. Cause and effect

When l was going through a devastating divorce l was told this by every counsellor l saw.

Whats your comment based on then?

....and sometimes that cause is one person is a cunt.
That's it. The other person has nothing to do with it

Of course if you are of simple mind the cause and effect is as much as can be managed.

So next time someone comes on here saying they're stressed and broken due to the behaviour of their partner, you'll be there @ArseInTheCoOpWindow berating them for not being supportive?

Go! Go!

Well the person concerned chose and stayed with the cunt.

It’s the fact they were attracted to them and then stayed with them that accounts for the 50%. The partner can be as big a cunt as possible. But something made the other partner be attracted to that.
So cunt +person attracted to cuntish behaviour equals 50/50. They may not be intentionally choosing said cunt but unconsciously selecting them.

How many times can l write cunt in one post?!

No, no way!

It’s unconscious. And everyone has the choice to bail out early.

This is the best post here. We separated for a period. I had periodic MH issues, didn't recognize the impact it was having on my H and our marriage. It tipped him into a crisis of his own, as he didn't have the skills to address it with me. It took that separation for me to dig into what was going on, why I kept cycling into depression and anxiety, get the right support in place.

If you can go, as friends and co-parents, and not get needy and try to push boundaries, you have a chance here. It took my H a lot longer than I hoped to see I was committed to making the changes I needed to make for me and to trust it enough to come home. In parallel, he has been working on changing how he approaches things and his coping strategies in life.

You cannot rush it, if you truly want this marriage reconciled, you need to be ready for the long haul.

Do we know why hubby left and where his head's at? Has he said its 100% finished/done/over?

I think you should go. You are married and have children together. It sounds like you love each other but have had a tough time. You don't throw away 20 years easily. I'm another one with 'blips' in a long term marriage and we're still together because we saw our way through the difficulties. Good luck and let us know how you get on.

Do you chat this much shit in real life?

I would go but get separate rooms on the cruise so that boundaries are maintained.

If this was your first MH crisis and he left just 5 months in because he was hurt by some clearly MH related actions, I would not be rushing back into a relationship with him but would work through his reaction both in individual and joint counselling. What if you have another MH episode in your life? How will he cope with that and not personalise your actions as “hurt” against him? You would both need to work out if a reconciliation can be managed, with strategies put in place. Your relationship will only survive if you seek help quickly and while you are doing so, he is supportive and does not take it personally.

Omg omg omg thank you so so much this has really helped and also given me the hope thank you for sharing and I'm so happy for you that you are now back on track I will take away your advice and also share this with my husband as I'm sure this is very much how he is feeling too thank you again 😊

I would go, enjoy the times with the DCs allow yourself to have a good time but I would try to be very very strong and only act as a friend towards DH. Arrange some excursions only he has to take the children think jeep safari or water park. While they are there prove that you can be by yourself, shopping or spa days.

I would go. I think holidays are a great opportunity to reconnect as they are fun and happy times. A chance for him to see the fun side of you again and leave your worries behind. If you think you can go and be fun that is?
And this is also assuming you don't have really young or really difficult kids that are going to make it a breeding ground for stress and bickering?
Provided you think you will be fun and will all have fun together then 100% go!
If you end up splitting long term I think you could look back with massive regret at the missed opportunity if you don't go!
It's also nice for the kids and holidays are just nice in general. I think it will do you world of good

He left 3 weeks ago what sparked that? Are you on the road to recovery now? I’d be curious to see if there is another woman somewhere behind the scenes… your story doesn’t seem to really add up op. I think your blindly believing everything he says…

It feels like he is blaming you and your Mh for the impact on him - this seems selfish and unsupportive ? Are you going to have to end up pretending you are ok when you're not ? Also feels like he is calling all the shots

How do you know what the impact of the op is having on him?

The OP says how hurt he is etc .. sound to me like he could have been more supportive rather than leaving

He’s going to use you for sex and your hopes will be raised, and when you’re home they’re going to be smashed to smithereens and you’re going to really struggle. He’s already out of the door I’m afraid.

I also think he’s completely and utterly failed to support you with his apparent ‘lack of understanding’ of mental health, and made your illness all about him. Gross.

Have you talked really openly with him about the holiday? About how you hope it will be chance to reconcile? About the help you have had and how you feel now about the last few months.

If so and he is still happy for you to go then do so.

If not please don't go. You will have an ulterior motive the whole time and it will be a hot house, intensifying what has gone on.

I would go for the kids’ sake. A holiday sounds just what you need too. With your husband, don’t get your hopes up, just be friendly, and see what happens.

Yes not for years it started early this year I went on a downwards spiral, but im receiving the help now and learned it wasn't the relationship it was my own MH 😪.

Great that you’re planning to be open with communicating with your husband OP, I’m sure that will be key in sorting things out. Good luck!