Separated still in love family holiday booked

[Anonymous280684]

We have been separated a few months I still love my husband we have 3 kids and a family holiday booked for 3 weeks time my husband is going with the children regardless he's said I should go to relax and have fun as a family and be "friends" I want to go in the hope it'll bring us closer and rekindle, however I'm scared to go in fear of rejection and it making things worse what should I do?

I'm still unsure of our future not on my part but his as he has been hurt A LOT but I really do hope we can fix the hurt I've caused

It's not daily life though so doesn't really help in terms of the day to day relationship.

They could get close on holiday, think it's possible to be together and then everything goes to shit again when they're home.

I would advise if you go OP, be very boundaried and keep it as friends and co-parents. No getting drunk and making a pass etc and if you can't both do that then one of you doesn't go.

Maybe he could go with children first half of the week and you go second half (if same country obvs). It seems a bit quick to be trying to reconcile if neither of you have had much time to reflect on your relationship

You mention you’ve broken his trust. If there has been infidelity I’m not sure I would go. I would give him some space.

Are you getting help/support now for your mental health issues. If you are vulnerable and now dealing with a relationship breakdown, I think this must be your priority.

Unfortunately it's a cruise🫣 so that wouldn't be possible
I've had lots of time to think whilst he's been gone and I'm ready to try to fix things whilst also getting the help i need alongside but I also appreciate he needs the time and be ready to reconcile

Due to my MH issues not infidelity but thank you

No real advice OP but wanted to wish you well and hope you get back on track x

Iam getting the help and support now yes,
My marriage broke down alongside this I know my main priority is my MH first but I also,want to save my marriage and my family I don't want it to be too late

Thank you so much😊

What's happened for him to be so hurt?

I think go, your intentions are to keep the family together, that is not a bad thing to wish for, good luck.

I've suffered from MH issues wasxunsure of our future and any future at all for that matter getting help and support now but ultimately it has affected my husband and family immensely😪

I was wondering g this. Every relationship breakdown is 50/50.

What was he doing to support you? Hes suggesting you go as he can cope with not being together. I’m not sure you can?

Thank you so much I really hope we can fix this we've been together 20xyears and very happy until I suffered with my MH earlier this year

I think going is a really bad idea. You see it as a way to rekindle, he sees it as a way to move forward as friends. If you are going with completely different focus's it will probably be disastrous. He has only recently moved out. He wants you to work on your MH, and there is no way that is even close to being sorted if it's only been a short time since you seperated- it's been affecting the relationship for years.

You need to listen to your husband. He needs space and time to process everything that has happened. You pushing what you want on him, when he has made it clear that he is not ready for that, will backfire on you. It will just enforce for him that you only care about what you want. That you don't actually care about what he needs. He wants you to go away together as friends. If you go and then try to make something more happen he will know he can't trust you.

How old are the dc and how have they also been affected by your behaviours?

Your absolutely right I don't want to just give up we have been together 20 years and have 3 children and was very happy until my MH issues earlier this year, he struggled to support me as he didn't understand my illness but im getting professional help and support now he just needs to time to reflect on the hurt caused whilst I was so low

It seems a very quick breakdown of a relationship if you only started struggling earlier this year.

What has he done to help you? Did you withdraw?

I wouldn’t go.

You keep saying how hurt he is but not why.

Did he move out and leave the kids with you while you were so ill he thought your marriage couldn’t survive?

Thank you just to clarify we have been very happy for 20years my mental health issues only started earlier this year he stayed during the worst of it and we amicably decided for him to leave a few weeks ago I was already getting the help it was simply just he needed a break to reflect

I did yes😪

Because whilst I was at my worst I was unsure of our future and became unattached
No he didn't leave at my worst he stayed

He has said you are to go as friends/co-parents.

Can you do that OP?

I wouldn't look at the holiday as reconciliation.

If you can't do that don't go.