Question for women who aren’t make-up/hair/dresses/nails/surgery type of women

[idontwannabeanythingotherthanwhativebeentrynabe]

One, no shaming to women who are about those things.

Two, I do make sure that I’m showered, brushed, clean and fitting close, in case there is going to be accusation of me being a slob.

And finally three, and the actual question.
How is, or was, your dating life?

I’m mostly ignored by men and haven’t had any luck and I fear my only option might be to change myself (I know, never a good idea) to be even seen by men.

So, I just wanted to see if I’m alone in this.

No problem at all. Had plenty of boyfriends and casual interest. Happily married. Most of the men I was interested in were much keener on my figure and my brain (and would, I’m afraid, have dismissed many much more beautiful women as ‘thick, I can’t marry her if we can’t have sparkling conversation about things I’m interested in’ in private). Different strokes for different folks and all that.

I’m like you OP, presentable but not glossy, and fat/bespectacled to boot. I’ve never lacked interest from men at all. You have to be authentically you when dating, otherwise what’s the blooming point?

Happily married.

Made a serious effort to date like minded people, went to first date with now DH wearing jeans and a hoodie.

Very obvious on our date that we were intellectually attracted to each other and had loads in common.

There absolutely are men out there who are looking for someone vaguely presentable but that they get on with.

You do have to have a very high filter for dross and go and hunt them out.

Let me think how to answer this. Has it put off some men from approaching me or finding me attractive? For sure but how many I don't know. Has being low maintenance hindered my love life? I don't think so because my starting point as myself fresh out of the shower without eyebrows tinted/eyelashes permed, no fillers nothing no extensions or dye, was attractive.

The only hinderance for me was when my size 18 clothes got too tight. I'm 5ft2 hourglass and that was the point for me when male attention dropped by about 90%. Literally nothing else had changed, I still had beautiful hair and skin, still had the boobs and bum but I was a lot wider. So my weight is the biggest factor for me rather than hair or nails etc.

Now obviously, if there is something really difficult like extreme hairloss or really bad chewed up or badly infected nails or very severe pigmentation issue, then yes make up, wigs and fake nails will definitely get you more male attention.

If your natural look is healthy and appealing it will still get attention.
If your natural look is realistically not that attractive then yes make up etc will definitely help get you more attention. I had attention because my face was already pretty, my hair was already thick and long and my body was very curvy in the right places. When I added make up and more effort with my appearance men would approach me less because I was too good looking for them.

So in short, if you're hot you're hot. If you're not hot then those extra props can help your chances of appearing hotter. Sounds horribly shallow but I'm afraid that is the reality in my experience.

Sadly no, they don’t ignore me as much as I’d like. One once tried to compliment me on looking ‘natural’. WTF does that even mean? I said thanks, you too.

No problems dating either. I was slim and pretty, just didn't wear makeup or brush my (short) hair. Used to go out clubbing a lot, just with my ordinary face.
Don't know what it would have been like with loads of make-up, hair and nails so can't compare if I would have got more (no thanks) or less male attention.

I knew this thread would descend into homophobic remarks, it was just a matter of time.

Happily married (to a man who is not at all a fan of the look you describe in your thread title). Fortunately, back when I was dating, this look was not considered normal.

I should have said dress for the figure you have, I'm sorry I definitely do not intend to make homophobic remark.
I worded it badly, some women can look really cute in a pixie and hiking trousers with rain parkas but some women like myself do not look good in it so low maintenance can look different depending on what you are starting with.

I'm not interested in men. No issues with my dating life.

Why would I want to look 'cute'. I have quite a 'boyish' figure so clothing made for men fits me well.

I am 5'8", naturally slim and have thick hair. I didn't need to bother with too much glaming up while I was in my 20s and 30s. I relied on basic grooming, well cut clothes and a decent haircut instead. Social life was busy.

I only started worrying about makeup and nails in my late 30s and 40s.I didn't have much time or patience with girlie stuff.

I wasn't talking about you specifically, op wants to be noticed by men.

Oh yes, I met up with someone recently and he said, "I was so pleased as you approached and I could see you didn't have botox or fillers, I hate all that" 😶

It was a sunny evening and I wore tinted sunglasses for the first part, so didn't quite know how to take it. 😂

I actually used to have both until a couple of years ago

I had a couple of boyfriends in the sixth form and a few boys chasing after me at uni, one of whom I married ... we're 63 now.

DD is also a 'natural' type - she also acquired a nice boyfriend at uni who she's still with a few years on.

My guess is that there may be a tendency to date fewer blokes but perhaps escape some of the more misogynistic objectifying types.

I know that some men aren’t interested in me. The men I have dated haven’t been interested in the type you describe. I think some men are interested in that type and others aren’t. Those appearance focused types date each other.

Never once had any man comment on the fact that I don’t wear make up or high heels. My husband never mentions it.

Isn't there some kind of backlash against make up , heels and shaving going on with younger women at the moment!

I've never worn makeup in my life. Obviously I get my hair trimmed occasionally and am clean, but that's it!

Had 9 partners and one husband so far.

Plenty of interest with more, weirdly, since I hit 45.

But you said dress for the figure you have. Women with boyish figures suit masculine clothing.

I was never short of offers. I am happily married.

I was picky too. I would only choose to date people who stimulated me intellectually as well as who I found attractive. Having said that, while there's a certain "look" I find attractive, it is a personality that attracts me most. And a man can be ridiculously good looking but becomes ugly if he's not a nice guy.

You tend to find that the people that are attracted to non "glam" women are of the same ilk. They also want a person, a partner, rather than a trophy. And you may find that they/you develop more of an attraction once there's an established friendship, and you know more about one another.

well then you are dressing for the figure you have if you have boyish figure! Lucky you as men clothes tend to be sturdier.

Fortunately for me, DH and I are old enough to remember Leslie Ash's trout pout, so neither us are keen on false enhancements.

You're definitely not alone and much as it's a cheesy cliche, there is more to long term love than looks alone.

When you say you're ignored, how are you dating and where are you meeting men?

Divorced when i was 39. Have never worn make up or nail varnish, i had short hair. I was a size 16 and i am short. I was not interested in going out and took 18 months to sort my divorce and head out after that i didn't go looking for a boyfriend and had no intention of living with a man again never mind marrying one. I had no shortage of men offering dates but politely declined them all until i met the wonderful man that became my Husband within two years.