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Relationships

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Question for women who aren’t make-up/hair/dresses/nails/surgery type of women

103 replies

idontwannabeanythingotherthanwhativebeentrynabe · 25/07/2024 15:48

One, no shaming to women who are about those things.

Two, I do make sure that I’m showered, brushed, clean and fitting close, in case there is going to be accusation of me being a slob.

And finally three, and the actual question.
How is, or was, your dating life?

I’m mostly ignored by men and haven’t had any luck and I fear my only option might be to change myself (I know, never a good idea) to be even seen by men.

So, I just wanted to see if I’m alone in this.

OP posts:
lljkk · 25/07/2024 19:16

How is, or was, your dating life?

I don't want to date, irk, I mean, being married was a chore.
Nowadays in my 50s, I get hit on by hetero men in their 80s.
I think I may be attractive, I'd pull if I wanted to.
I am pretty sure I get flirted with but I'm too indifferent to respond to it.

I've always been scruffy & rarely had boyfriend-free spells from age 19 onwards.

frankincenseandoranges · 25/07/2024 19:17

Settled with my partner of about 6 years. He's never seen me wearing make-up. Men who like that Love Island look aren't my type, and I would never be their type either.

Buttercupsandpoppys · 25/07/2024 19:17

My best friend has the full sha'bang going on. She has the turkey teeth, Botox and fillers, hair extensions and russian lashes. She's also Latino.

She has no end of male attention. She's just divorced her husband and the minute word got out she was single she's had no end of offers.

She's been asked out by a consultant doctor, builder, electrician, university lecturer, radiographer, plumber, accountant and policeman. So a massive range. Soke very attractive and some very plain looking.

When we go to toddler groups, days out or theme parks you have men always doing double takes and breaking their neck to look at her.

We went on a night out recently and she only bought 1 drink then whole night. Every bar and pub men would approach her. All different types, ages and races.

She's very much enjoying playing the field and these blokes can't do enough for her. She does have a banging personality too though.

I know loads of men say they prefer the natural look but including my DP but the proof is in the pudding I think. If this 'look' wasn't attractive then so many women wouldn't do it or be struggling to date with lots of rejection. The opposite seems to be true.

I am natural looking and settled so no dog in the fight. But I'll be entirely unfiltered when I say that men that 'hate' the fake look usually do so because they can't get someone with that look. But given the chance they wouldn't turn Michelle Keegan down for Diane next door. It's just the reality.

That being said like another poster said alike dates alike and that is true. If your a plain person you'll probably date another plain person. If your outdoorsy you'll date someone else outdoorsy. If your into the gym you'll date someone else into the gym.

So if I was in your position I'd be thinking about what kind of man I wanted to attract? If your type is gym going Dave with the pecks then he's going to want someone else physically fit (likely). So go to the gym and start squatting. If your type is a well groomed man then he'll want someone else well groomed so I'd probably wear makeup.

But honestly, you only need 1. If you want to widen your chances then yeah glamming yourself up will most definitely get you dates and attention. But if that's not you then it's unsustainable long term. The thing that attracted them to you physically will be a nightmare to keep up with. So might as well be yourself.

Goldrill · 25/07/2024 19:21

Podcast84 · 25/07/2024 18:16

Each to their own of course, but I don't get why women don't wear makeup especially if they are single and interested in meeting someone. There is no doubt that tastefully done make up makes someone look more physically attractive. Unless of course you're one of those people who has naturally flawless skin, pretty etc and doesn't need make up then fine. Also make up just makes me feel a zillion times better, I never understood why some women just don't wear it.

Because I'm happy with my actual face....?!

lljkk · 25/07/2024 19:21

I don't get why women don't wear makeup especially if they are single and interested in meeting someone.

Can only speak for myself:

I didn't want the expense, the daily chore (putting on & taking off), the insecurity "what do I look like without it?!", the learning curve, the extra time, the extra mental burden. I didn't know what was in the makeup and whether I really wanted it on my skin or near my eyes. There was just no joy to be had whatsoever.

And whenever I wanted a boyfriend I got one.

Also I wouldn't like a guy who was highly into self-grooming. That would put me off being in a close relationship with them.

When I was a kid, being "vain" was a bad thing. It's now fashionable to be very vain & focused on self-grooming (eg. Jennifer Aniston) but I think I absorbed the anti-vanity instinct quite young and never wanted to change.

jay55 · 25/07/2024 19:25

I'm happily single and don't date.

I have had long term relationships in the past but never did much dating.

21ZIGGY · 25/07/2024 19:27

Im similar to you though mainly in gym/ dog walking clothes.

I went through a long blond hair, tan, nails, lashes and big weight loss phase in early to mid 30s. My dating situation didnt change a bit 🤷🏻‍♀️

BestZebbie · 25/07/2024 19:30

Didn't have a boyfriend until 16 (when tbf non of the other 16yr olds had Botox or fillers either!) but dated pretty much solidly since, including two marriages (second one still ongoing).
The main factor in this was dating people I met through hobbies, and these hobbies being slightly male dominated (maybe 60:40).

SouthLondonMum22 · 25/07/2024 19:30

Podcast84 · 25/07/2024 18:16

Each to their own of course, but I don't get why women don't wear makeup especially if they are single and interested in meeting someone. There is no doubt that tastefully done make up makes someone look more physically attractive. Unless of course you're one of those people who has naturally flawless skin, pretty etc and doesn't need make up then fine. Also make up just makes me feel a zillion times better, I never understood why some women just don't wear it.

Because it doesn’t make me feel better at all. I’m happy with how I look without it.

DrRiverSong · 25/07/2024 19:31

Back before I was married I never had any issue even when living with hair up, in jeans and a hoody. No makeup, no nails. It’s just never been my bag.

I’ve always been quite confident regardless though and comfortable in my skin. Confidence can get you a long way. I always struggled more the times that I did try the makeup / heels / fashion approach as I wasn’t comfortable and lost confidence.

So do what makes you feel good. That will come out when you talk.

BlueEyedLeucy · 25/07/2024 19:34

I’m a short, plain looking, glasses wearing nerd who has never worn makeup and has most of her hair shaved off. Nobody - whose opinion I value - has ever had anything to say about my appearance. I met my husband 17 years ago. I don’t need to change how I look for him.

Kinshipug · 25/07/2024 19:40

I honestly think it's how you carry yourself. I don't wear makeup, don't do nails, cut my own hair and get lots of (not often appreciated!) male attention. Confidence will take you a long way. But you also need to put yourself out there, go and look for the type of man you want because you're probably not going to meet him at sainsbury's.

BeardofHagrid · 25/07/2024 19:51

Laundryliar · 25/07/2024 17:35

Do you smile. Someone i know complains this all the time, but she doesn't seem to notice that 99% of the time she almost never smiles, and she fairly permanently looks quite grumpy/miserable and tbh i think it perhaps can put people off. As a result i make a conscious effort to try and smile a bit more and adopt a bit more of a welcoming/happier face (without looking like a grinning idiot all the time, i want to say)

That’s a very interesting thought. I’m not smiley as I’m self conscious about my teeth and I’m very anxious in general. I have one of those resting miserable faces I suppose! If I had lovely white teeth I think I’d experiment with this!

Mrsdyna · 25/07/2024 20:04

Well I've been with DH from teens but I've still had men try it on with me.

I haven't worn makeup in a loooong time, I don't do my hair or nails but I think I look pretty good still.

My DH is quite repulsed by makeup and fake nails anyway. He wouldn't mind if I had my hair done but he doesn't like anything unnatural really.

Misorchid · 25/07/2024 20:15

I love doing my makeup and especially a smoky eye. A Jekyll &Hyde character and enjoy both. I like glamming up but also my ‘invisible’ look, glasses, jeans etc.

I wore glasses as a kid and my mother would say “Take them off” when we went outside, as she took hers off and saw them as ugly. I wear contacts going out.
So the makeup is also part of insecurity on my part, not only from my mother, but a violent father who also verbally insulted my looks. It may be a mask, but makeup does help me feel more confident. Add in Botox, nose job (broken nose) eye bag removal, chin liposuction (I’m old!) but nothing too extreme. I look at some people who trowel it on and fear it may be down to insecurities, also fitting in with friends and influencers. Those of you completely happy with your natural look are fortunate indeed.
There is an art to makeup and I can understand anyone frightened by it. After lockdown and no makeup at home, I felt less dexterous myself, even though as a stage performer, I had been painting my face all my life. I find putting it on relaxing.
I paint and draw, so it’s like an extension of that, it’s a pleasure. When I’m well dressed and made up, I find I get much better treatment in shops etc., superficial I know, but people do go by appearances.
(My son likes no make up, boyish girls)….
I can only heartily agree with the posters who say you must mingle with men with the same interests and build up a relationship over time. That will go beyond your looks.

VeryStressedMum · 25/07/2024 20:17

I think when men (most men not all) say they like the natural look they mean they don't like ott very noticeable frozen face Botox and fillers, overdone lips, lots of make up and tan, eyelash extensions etc. I don't think they mean they like someone with zero make up, greying hair and baggy shapeless clothes.

ZiriForGood · 25/07/2024 20:36

Podcast84 · 25/07/2024 18:38

@Usernamesarenoteasy that's fair, each to their own. I do think women 99.9 percent of the time look way better and more attractive with make up on. When I have put my pics up on a dating app, not a chance would I get a quarter of as many likes , if I put up a photo of me with just moisturized skin and no make up. I'm pretty sure I get so many likes because the make up enhances what I already have in a tasteful way.

And... are you interested in dating men who wouldn't be interested in you with your own face?
Or do you just like the likes?

I've realised that the extra attention that makeup brings comes from rather uninspiring men.

asterixa · 25/07/2024 20:42

Don’t change yourself!
I’m like you but when younger I tried to get into make-up/hair/clothes to try and get a boyfriend. Had more male attention but I didn’t like any of them and they were very superficial.

Went back to my old style and being myself, didn’t have much luck with dating but I felt comfortable and happy with myself.

Got my first real boyfriend at 27 through a hobby, been married for a decade now.

S0livagant · 25/07/2024 21:10

ZiriForGood · 25/07/2024 20:36

And... are you interested in dating men who wouldn't be interested in you with your own face?
Or do you just like the likes?

I've realised that the extra attention that makeup brings comes from rather uninspiring men.

Yes, I'd much rather have a quarter of the likes from people who like the way I look as I am.

Kendodd · 25/07/2024 21:32

I think if I showed up with a face full of make-up, hair and nails, high heels, the lot, my husband would burst out laughing. Grin He'd think I was having a joke.
As I would if he showed up like that.

AinmEile · 25/07/2024 21:39

VeryStressedMum · 25/07/2024 20:17

I think when men (most men not all) say they like the natural look they mean they don't like ott very noticeable frozen face Botox and fillers, overdone lips, lots of make up and tan, eyelash extensions etc. I don't think they mean they like someone with zero make up, greying hair and baggy shapeless clothes.

You know that you can not wear makeup and not dye your hair, and still wear nice clothes that fit you?

Throughahedgebackwards · 25/07/2024 22:05

Podcast84 · 25/07/2024 18:16

Each to their own of course, but I don't get why women don't wear makeup especially if they are single and interested in meeting someone. There is no doubt that tastefully done make up makes someone look more physically attractive. Unless of course you're one of those people who has naturally flawless skin, pretty etc and doesn't need make up then fine. Also make up just makes me feel a zillion times better, I never understood why some women just don't wear it.

Because we're not fucking dolls? I'm far too busy getting on with my life too spend time worrying about whether I look as good as I possibly could.

DelurkingAJ · 25/07/2024 22:20

MsCactus · 25/07/2024 17:49

What's being beautiful got to do with being "thick"? Looks has zero to do with intelligence

That’s exactly what I meant…that beauty was simply not a factor and the OP by doing all these things that will make her more beautiful shouldn’t assume it’ll have any effect. Of course there’s no correlation but my experience is that many men weren’t after beauty but brains.

ViciousCurrentBun · 25/07/2024 22:30

No issue with dating though I have not been on a date for 25 years as married. Had three marriage proposals. I’m mixed race and am still complimented on my skin tone and have darker eyelids naturally.

Edingril · 25/07/2024 22:38

Been married for ages but women assume this about men that they like a certain look but never been my experience