Question for women who aren’t make-up/hair/dresses/nails/surgery type of women

[idontwannabeanythingotherthanwhativebeentrynabe]

One, no shaming to women who are about those things.

Two, I do make sure that I’m showered, brushed, clean and fitting close, in case there is going to be accusation of me being a slob.

And finally three, and the actual question.
How is, or was, your dating life?

I’m mostly ignored by men and haven’t had any luck and I fear my only option might be to change myself (I know, never a good idea) to be even seen by men.

So, I just wanted to see if I’m alone in this.

Late 50s and never worn make up or dyed my hair. After a long marriage I was single for a few years, but met someone last year who has zero issues with my low maintenance approach to grooming. Before that, when dating, I did encounter a number of men who claimed to prefer 'natural' looking women but who, it turned out, preferred women who spent ages achieving the 'natural' look with carefully applied make-up. Also, 'natural' rarely extended to body hair.
Tbh it was a convenient filter. I suspect the majority of men would be put off, but the ones who weren't were the ones I might be interested in.

Thanks for all the comments.

Pp mentioned ’boyish’ body type, and that made me wonder.
I actually do have a very manly body (😭) and also sadly very fine hair (that I do take care of and try to keep as long as possible).

This is probably the problem…

It's not. People are attracted to a lot of different looks, shapes, sizes etc.

You just have to find your person / people. Be yourself, a great personality shines out and that's what attracts the right people.

I never really found that those were things men that I was interested in cared about. Before we were dating my now DH frequently saw me at the end of a long night shift looking like absolute garbage and probably not smelling the freshest either.

The only 3 things I do on that list is get my haircut regularly (it's very thick so easier to manage when short) and wear a bit of makeup ( just enough to cover the scars) and make sure I'm clean, none of which I do to attract men. In fact I couldn't care less about whether men like it or not.

I've dabbled in and out of the natural look over the years.

When I was wearing little to no makeup, I made sure my hair was always done and had it cut and coloured well.

I do have a slightly unusual look being mixed race and have often had attention whether I want it or not.

These days - married with kids and not with the ideal body anymore..

I do wear makeup daily, do my hair and heat style daily. I've also had semi permanent makeup done (brows and a lip blush) I don't wear a lot of make up but do always go out with mascara and lip gloss on. I do occasionally still get checked out.

I feel better being slightly made up and hair done. My hair is also on the finer side of things and I keep it long. Blow dried and tonged to have soft waves makes it look so much thicker and keeps it looking tidier than if I straighten it.

All men I have been with prefer natural looking women with minimal effort. They have preferred me with no make up, natural hair colour and nails, air dried hair etc

I have been hassled over the years by men and women alike for not being bothered by all that. I’ve not had a problem having relationships- but I’ve never actually ‘dated’ anyone, I don’t think. Or I didn’t realise it was a date, I thought we were just hanging out when my husband wooed me. I do sometimes wear nail varnish, but it chips and looks a mess. Something men have always commented on, and it is very weird that they have independently come up with the same phrase, is that I ‘seem really at home in [my] own body’ - so perhaps that is attractive in itself - to not be overly anxious about your appearance?

When I did date men I had no problems with being a woman built like a 14 year old boy with boobs and dressed in unisex style clothing with short hair.

Honestly, I think the dating scene has changed so much since I was part of it that it's hard to comment. My take based on my experience is that "birds of a feather flock together" so glamorous people tended to date each other and people who liked Karrimor jackets as casual wear dated each other. When I look at parents at my DC's school this still tends to be the case- horsey/geeky/glam/yachty people married other horsey/geeky/glam/yachty people. So I think people sort of find their level/match.

One caveat is that on average the glamorous people were/are probably more sociable in terms of going "out out" (because not much point in being glamorous to watch TV) so probably got more dating opportunities purely by meeting more people and putting themselves out there more than quieter people.

I wonder if internet dating has changed that a bit though. But I agree with pp that generally I find young to mid teen girls to be far less "glam" than I was (in a good way). They seem more comfortable with looking just as they look.

Definitely never had any issues in the dating department. Not all men want fake boobs, filters, make up, because frankly if they only think you look attractive if you don’t look like yourself, they aren’t going to find you attractive day to day, when you aren’t ‘going out’ sort of polished up, when you get up in the morning, when you’re ill and in bed for 4 days. You want someone who finds you attractive for how you actually look, not the smoke and mirrors.

Never had any issues with meeting people and long term relationships. Yes, some of them turned out to be twats 😂 but they all found me attractive. Been happily married to Dh for 15 years. He’s younger and I think more attractive than me, and has said he likes it that I’ve never been all fake tan and glue on lashes. He definitely never would have dated me if I was.

I get completely ignored by men. I’m literally invisible to them. Sometimes I get really frustrated and I think, I wish I could find a real man who would see past my lack of all that superficial stuff.

Hmmm... I think there's a middle ground between these two extremes. I wear a bit of light makeup, style my hair, and go to the hairdressers, but I don't do surgery, fillers, heavy makeup or nails.

I'm overweight, not all that great looking.
Can't be bothered with make up nails etc, so don't.
Am always clean and dressed OK.
Terminally single. Zero interest from men at all.

I’ve not been single for more than a few months at a time for 30 years - since my early teens. I don’t wear makeup- yo-yo from a size 14-18, do have thick long hair but it gets washed and shoved up into a hair clip- not styled or anything. I am not my body. My looks are nothing more than a surface thing about me, and although I’m not ugly (I don’t think) I don’t think what I look like is important. I am clean and presentable. But I am so much more than my looks and any man I have been with agrees- my opinions, how I talk, what we talk about , my values and interests… my kindness and my compassion. All these help make me an “attractive person”…

Do you smile. Someone i know complains this all the time, but she doesn't seem to notice that 99% of the time she almost never smiles, and she fairly permanently looks quite grumpy/miserable and tbh i think it perhaps can put people off. As a result i make a conscious effort to try and smile a bit more and adopt a bit more of a welcoming/happier face (without looking like a grinning idiot all the time, i want to say)

When I was dating (I got married in 2002 at age 40, I'd known him a year), I didn't do much. Wore a bit of make up, but I didn't do any trimming 'down there' though I did shave my legs. I was slim and fit and reasonably attractive.
Before I met my husband I guess I dated and slept with four guys over a two year period. No one said anything negative about my appearance or grooming.
I can't imagine doing anything surgical as being helpful. I might be tempted by Botox for my frown line but nothing else. Clean, reasonably fit and well groomed. That should be enough.

I'm definitely not the glamorous type (I'm a builder). I met my DH in a jazz club, we made each other laugh all night (in between music) and that's been it. We get on and make each other laugh. 🙃
22 years and 2 kids so far.

What's being beautiful got to do with being "thick"? Looks has zero to do with intelligence

Agree with PP that it depends what your basic starting point is! Genes! I’m tall, slim and decent looking. Look younger than my age. It is what it is. Never made any effort with my appearance and no problem with interest. Feel very untidy next to lots of women though. Generally the people I work and socialise with are similarly unkempt. In unusual situations I stick out though and feel awkward when can’t wear shorts and a hoodie. I haven’t worn anything other than trainers in a couple of years. I’ve turned down social things where my style won’t cut it. Husband has changed jobs and says there will be work dos to go to. I’ve seen photos of the glam ladies in the office and I will rock up looking like worzel gummidge!! Aargh!

I think I was able to attract every man I was interested in.
But I wasn't interested in the sort of men who would have cared about glitz.

I think maybe it depends what kind of man you want to attract.

I also think there's a difference between someone who isn't into makeup/nails/hair but still has a 'look' that suits them and gives them confidence, and someone who just looks like they're doing everything they can to hide themselves.

One of my colleagues never wears a scrap of makeup, has a very simple, blunt shoulder length haircut that needs zero styling, pretty much always wears jeans and trainers or chinos and trainers, with a jumper or a t-shirt. Doesn't do nails or anything like that. Has never coloured her hair and is happy to go grey naturally when the time comes. Doesn't wear anything body-con, skimpy, short etc.

But she still looks confident and put-together and like someone who is happy with her style. Her clothes fit her well and are in colours that suit her. She also has great skin which I know she does look after. She has a zero effort haircut, but she's chosen a length that suits her face and her hair type and it always looks in good condition so I assume she gets the ends trimmed regularly. She's actually quite shy, but she's very warm and kind and smiles a lot when she talks to people and is interesting and funny. She's quite outdoorsy - likes walking, camper vans, outdoor swimming etc.

She's not single, but I would have thought she would have no problem finding men who wanted to date her if she was on the dating scene. Obviously men who are into high glamour aren't going to to go for that kind of women - but that kind of woman would be unlikely to go for that kind of man, either!

I think that, generally speaking, it's easier to meet people if you present yourself in a way that suggests you like yourself and that reflects the best of who you are. That doesn't mean fancy clothes or wearing makeup or getting beauty treatments and manicures, necessarily - of course, for some women it does mean that, but for others it really doesn't. I think ithelp to look like you're not actively trying to make yourself seem less attractive than you are, and to appear confident in your appearance.

Wet leg the band don't shave. They were the support band for the foo fighters. It's trendy at the moment not to make much effort.
I do shave and shower and wear perfume but that is about all I do. I don't wear make up or get my nails done. A lot of it is money related. I would like to get my nails done but it's not a priority to spend money on that.
I've had a string of abusive boyfriends throughout my life but I'm not sure that's related to make up or no make up. I am seeing someone at the moment but generally don't get a lot of male attention.

Botox ✔️
Fillers ✔️
Hair coloured ✔️
Hair extensions ✔️
Eyebrows ✔️
Nails ✔️
& I get compliments for being natural 🤷🏼
Its the high cost maintenance perception that’s more off putting 😂😂😂

I will be honest, if I didn't wear makeup up, do my hair or wear nice clothes, I don't think anyone would give me a second glance. I'm very ordinary looking without make up and make up makes me look actually quite pretty so without it , I would probably be celibate!