Sex in TV shows...

[TwoPintsOfAleAndABagOfPorkScratchings]

I'll start this by saying that I don't really watch TV. I have one and I'll sometimes watch a documentary on Netflix or something but I don't watch TV.

Shows that other people have watched over the years have completely passed me by. For example, last year, I watched the first season of Prison Break for the first time. I just find it boring. I don't get invested or care about the characters so I generally don't watch it.

Anyway, my partner is more of a TV watcher than I will ever be and, if he wants to watch something, I go and do something else.

But because of him, I've become more aware of what is out there. I still have no interest in watching any of it though!

One thing that has really come to my attention is how much violent and explicit sex is in just ordinary TV shows. I know he watched Game of Thrones before we got together and he talked about watching House of the Dragon although, as far as I know, he hasn't yet. He's also just finished watching the most recent seasons of The Boys.

I'm just really uncomfortable with the level of nudity and explicit sex in these shows. I haven't said anything to him about him watching it because we've only been together for 2 and a half years and these are things he started watching before we got together. But he does know I don't like it and doesn't suggest we watch anything like that together.

But he's now shown an interest in a new series on Prime called something like Those Who Are About to Die or something. I looked it up to see if it was something i could watch with him and again its full of explicit sex, nudity, prostitutes etc.

It just feels, I don't know, degrading to me as a woman that women are exploited in this way for entertainment? That entertainment has to include gratuitous sex and violence against women. And men too to be honest. I don't like that either. It just feels unnecessary And I don't like it.

It might sound extreme but I just can't get my head round being with someone who is so kind and loving towards me enjoying watching women being raped and brutalised. Or even just the explicit sex and nudity.

And I don't think I want to be in a relationship with someone who watches it week in and week out for entertainment.

But I also know that some women enjoy these shows too. I've tried telling myself that it isn't real but the nudity is real, the bodies are real and the sexual acts are either real or designed to appear very real.

What are other people's thoughts on this?

I will add mean more dark possibly violent shows more than sex in shows

I can't stand the slurping kissing noises and weird fake groaning I actually fast forward the sex bits as it's boring

It's not OPs problem.
It is societies problem.
We live in a world where women are objectified and seen as sex objects. Their bodies are used to increase ratings.Where their rape and abuse is seen as " normal" entertainment on TV.
The fact that you and others actually see it as normal shows how warped our society is.

Yeah, I find western tv just overly graphic and unnecessary. The sex scenes just aren't a turn on for me personally. Korean tv for example does love scenes really well (and no need for graphic, needless sex).

That's how it feels tbh. It feels like they're making the sort of TV that men want to watch featuring the things that men enjoy without any regard for anything else. And all these men - the ones making it and the ones viewing it are all indulging in their private fantasies of what they'd really like to do to women if only it were socially acceptable.

And then I get confused that women watch it too.

Yes, rape and sexual violence is a sad part of our reality that, fortunately, I've not experienced for a very long time. Why would I want to watch it for entertainment?

And it makes me question whether someone who does is someone I really want in my life.

@Shineabrightlight Nothing her boyfriend is doing is wrong, bad, out of order, illegal or immoral. He's watching television. Now, if OP doesn't like them then that's absolutely fine, what's not fine is to judge him or someone else for thinking differently.

I am a woman. I do not feel even remotely objectified by Game of Thrones or HOTD. I don't watch love island because I do think they objectify women. What I don't do is criticise others who do watch it, which incidentally, is mostly women.

Porn I get, but of all the reasons to break up with someone 'I can't see you anymore as you watch Game of Thrones' is one I will admit to not thought of before

I have noticed this as well. I love watching series on Netflix. I watch most nights. But I can’t bear to watch the violent scenes and also the sex scenes. Now they even have people going to the toilet. Absolutely. I thing is private any more. I don’t see the point.

Actually, I do think it's immoral. That's exactly how I feel about it.

Ending a relationship over TV shows sounds extreme. Bit that's not what it is really. It's an overall societal attitude towards women that I'm just not on board with.

I totally agree with you too OP.

Is this a new phenomenon to you? Films and TV written and produced by men for men? When was the last time you watched a film written by a woman with decent roles for women?

Actresses have moved over to TV because there are hardly any decent roles for women and that's only fairly recently. I doubt the actresses having sex on TV and exposing themselves want to do it but those are the roles available.

Society is geared towards men and that includes entertainment. There are very few female writers and producers and men don't want to bank roll 'women's stories'. The first female director of a major female centred action film was PattyJenkins' Wonder Woman in 2017.

This. Most of it is designer to cater to men. It's what teenage boys expect now from a series like that.

Also, if there's a female character that's interesting or assertive, she has to be raped.

No but it's a long time since I've really been exposed to tv/films and I was surprised at what has crept into 'normal' TV.

Almost everything I contains brutality towards women now and, even when it doesn't, there is unnecessary nudity because what? Men can't enjoy a storyline unless they've seen T&A?

Also, if there's a female character that's interesting or assertive, she has to be raped.

Yes, I've noticed that too.

One of the things about rl rape is that its about power not sex. Some men rape women as a way of showing them who's boss and reminding them who holds the power. Now, all the men who wouldn't actually rape a woman for whatever reason get to enjoy it happening vicariously. And that is a problem.

I doubt the actresses having sex on TV and exposing themselves want to do it but those are the roles available.

I agree and all the interviews I've read by actresses say how uncomfortable and exploited they felt at the time but they didn't feel they had a choice.

How is that any different to porn?

Most men watch porn and are desensitised to it. People are so desensitised that shows are becoming more gratuitous and shocking. Porn can be very brutal, less sex and more assault, it's very misogynistic. Mysoginy is so ingrained that I doubt your bf notices women being degraded.

However there are some good shows which don't have nudity such as Breaking Bad, The Wire, The Sopranos (has some nudity but not particularly gratuitous). That's just off the top of my head.

Would you then also say that the same applies when watching action movies with lots of killing in it?
"How can my BF still love me and be nice to me when he watches so much killing in action movies?"
It doesn't make sense does it? Because it's TV... it's for entertainment, and sometimes educational purposes only.

If you're struggling with TV, then please don't read a book. The sex in books these days is ALOT more graphic than anything on TV, with many containing "hardcore" sex scenes.

I think a lot of men would agree with you. I was on a male dominated forum recently and someone asked how long it would be before full on pornography was shown as normal tv programming, and someone else replied that it already was with Game of thrones. I also get fed up with how sexualised song lyrics are. It’s unnecessary but it has also become dreary. People will argue about artistic license but it’s just so predictable now, heck maybe porn is now art? Depending on the lighting I guess 🤣

I cant stand any of them, even the romantic, loving ones, everything gets fast forwarded by me! Just find it boring, couldnt even be bothered with sex scenes in Bridgerton, not because im a prude, because im actually really not, just find it tedious and uninteresting.

35 years ago American telly was ridiculously puritanical and bland for the most part; British telly was much racier (remember the outrage over the Singing Detective?). Then U.S.cable companies started making shows that were very “adult” , HBO’s output for example was marked by the use of lots of bad language, violence, sex, drug use etc. This made sense because for the most part the shows were set in the kind of milieu where these things naturally took place. GOT is set in a brutal, medieval, feudal world where women are (for the most part) seen as property. It’s also set in a world where men are horribly hacked about with swords, tortured, and disfigured. Though you don’t seem to be that bothered about that aspect.

The HBO template of plenty of swearing, sex, and violence caught on, and now every cable station deals out great big dollops of it. It’s very (one might say self-consciously) “adult” entertainment. It’s for people who want to be shocked or horrified or blackly amused or titillated. It’s not for kids and it’s clearly not for you.

But the idea that someone who watches a rape scene is necessarily getting off on it or supporting the status quo that allows it to happen is pretty silly isn’t it? Adult shows have adult themes taken from real life and sexual assault is one of those. You can certainly say that this trope is overused but it would be odd to avoid it altogether.

Like a lot of women I enjoy grisly True Crime podcasts. These can be really grim. Do you think there’s anything wrong with that?

For those saying "Its TV" yes but you are still watching images of unpleasant situations! Much TV is directed towards Men.As in fast car chases,Sex and so on .I missed GOT and am quite pleased I did now! You say he will often turn it off as he knows you are not keen. So he must be sensitive to how you feel.Mary Whitehouse was derided for her views in the 60s ,but her predictions have come home to roost now . Women are seen as equal in society /workplace ,but not on entertainment it seems .We wonder why so many females suffer at the hands of men .

Most men watch porn and are desensitised to it. People are so desensitised that shows are becoming more gratuitous and shocking. Porn can be very brutal, less sex and more assault, it's very misogynistic. Mysoginy is so ingrained that I doubt your bf notices women being degraded.

That's what bothers me.

Have you ever even read a Jane Austen novel?

Futhermore, I watch entertainment to escape the reality of life for a bit. I like watching the lives of people who are unlike me and who face different dangers than myself.

Yes, I agree with you OP and especially with this bit.

I don’t watch a lot of tv and all the violence and rape is a big reason for that. I lived it, I have no interest in watching it happen on the telly.
There’s so much of it, far too much, and I think it sends all the wrong signals to people about what entertainment is.

Am watching Station Eleven currently, and am impressed by the way the writers have made a very interesting dystopic show without resorting to raping all the female characters in the first season.

If you find this type of material unacceptable and you know that this is what a person views as entertainment it is quite normal to think there is a side to his character that she does not know or like. It would make me wary that he is not the person I thought or hoped he was.
You obviously have no problem with the material he choses to watch. So he is obviously the type of person you would like and you would have no concerns about his character.

I dont see that she is being " judgemental". We all form opinions. It is normal. On MN "judging" is used as a pejorative word about people who actually use their commonsense and brains to figure out that there is something about a person's behaviour that they do not like, that doesn't fit in with their own value systems. It is using your cognitive reasoning and doesn't make you " judgemental " to not like what another person finds normal.

Both men and women watch these shows nad people chose not too fine, but there seems to be another thing creeping in 'I don't agree with this thing and I need to control your thinking about and will judge you of if you have decided to go against what I think'

Don't want to watch it then dont