Feel like husbands family don’t like me

[Justtryingtofitin]

Starting off by saying nothing has happened per se but I get the feeling none of my husbands family (the women in it) like me. My husband said it’s jealousy but I’ve always thought people just like to say that but really it means you’re probably just a bit of dick and can’t see it.

i’m younger than most of them and was the last to have a baby. Before the baby I was always a size 6 (they’d all be 14-20) and it was often commented on that I was ‘dying looking’. I have an eating disorder so fair enough.

when I was pregnant and bought our pram they made so many snide comments about the price (I honestly just liked that pram the best)

after I had the baby I had but on 3 stone from my normal weight and they were so nice and kept reassuring me I would lose some but not all of the weight…when I lost it all after 6 months they went back to being stand offish.

my husband and I have a little money because I have a very good job that I am so so thankful for. I honestly try my best to get on with them and I try and make conversation but they just snub me at this stage or give me 1 word answers.

it came to a head when they all went for a night out and didn’t invite me and my husband and said it was a last minute thing…until someone let it slip that ‘thank goodness they got the babysitter in 2 weeks ago because someone else wanted them to babysit that night’ so it was planned in advance.

I don’t really know what I’m looking for here. I know I’ve said about weight a lot but I don’t know what else it could be. I genuinely try my best to talk and be nice and fit it but they just don’t like me at all. Even my husbands mum has started being weird with me (although I honestly thing it’s because she realised my mum and dad have money which I didn’t tell anyone because I didn’t want this situation)

anyone else have a family in law like this and how do you navigate it? I wouldn’t care as much only I have my son and I want him to know his cousins.

Thank you if you’ve read this far.

They don’t like you for whatever reason and that is unlikely to change so just carry on being civil to them but don’t interact with them any more than you absolutely have to.

You also seem to think there is something special about your son having cousins around. There isn’t, they are just other kids and not bound to be friends just because they are related. Don’t get hung up on this, he will have other friends.

Girl you are a walking trigger for those women . That’s the hard shitty truth . And as much as we would all love being friends and happy with what we have it’s very hard . Is it fair how they are teaming up against you ? Not at all . But these are women that are clearly very unhappy with their jobs and bodies , sometimes we can do something about it and sometimes we can’t and that leaves people sad and bitter and the someone visibly luckier than us ( according to our standards) walks in a room , someone who could lose weight and make money with little effort and we feel defeated, they feel defeated , and sad and angry people will drag down other people . A happy human being doesn’t speak like that to another human being . Ever . I have been both sides of this sad situation , just stop trying to be their friends . This is not your crowd , it’s not your fault but accept that your situation makes you un relatable and a threat to what they can accept in another person . Stop victimising yourself and start to answer back and tell them to stop commenting on your body shape cause it’s unhealthy and mean .

Think there could be some jealousy or some difficulty relating at least and would honestly ignore and not try so hard. The only other thing would maybe be the ED and I do feel for you as it is so tough but some behaviours around it can be off putting to others and can put people on edge. I wonder how that manifests in real life at gatherings

I’m sorry to hear this. It’s incredibly tricky to navigate. I am in a very similar situation. My SIL (DH’s S) has always taken against me. Initially because I wasn’t part of the family and excluded me from things. Forward 20 odd years and when she wants to make arrangements to see my daughters (she's been very cold towards my son since birth so excludes him too) she will contact the girls and tell them she is inviting them mentions other family members she’s inviting too but no mention of me or my husband. My eldest recently took her to task and turned down an invitation by telling her how uncomfortable it makes her feel when her parents are excluded from family get togethers. It’s done deliberately. If she really wanted to see my children she could just invite them out to her house or take them somewhere without making a point of telling them who is being invited and excluding my husband and me. I initially went through the nice approach but now I just keep my distance and she’s hardly endearing herself to my children by excluding us. It upsets them that we are excluded. I don’t really mind. It’s rude but I would rather spend my free time with people whose company I value. We always invite the entire family round and do not exclude anyone. I haven’t confronted her about her behaviour there’s been far worse than what I’ve written here.
I’m sorry not to put forward any advice but just to let you know that you’re not alone.