Feel like husbands family don’t like me

[Justtryingtofitin]

Starting off by saying nothing has happened per se but I get the feeling none of my husbands family (the women in it) like me. My husband said it’s jealousy but I’ve always thought people just like to say that but really it means you’re probably just a bit of dick and can’t see it.

i’m younger than most of them and was the last to have a baby. Before the baby I was always a size 6 (they’d all be 14-20) and it was often commented on that I was ‘dying looking’. I have an eating disorder so fair enough.

when I was pregnant and bought our pram they made so many snide comments about the price (I honestly just liked that pram the best)

after I had the baby I had but on 3 stone from my normal weight and they were so nice and kept reassuring me I would lose some but not all of the weight…when I lost it all after 6 months they went back to being stand offish.

my husband and I have a little money because I have a very good job that I am so so thankful for. I honestly try my best to get on with them and I try and make conversation but they just snub me at this stage or give me 1 word answers.

it came to a head when they all went for a night out and didn’t invite me and my husband and said it was a last minute thing…until someone let it slip that ‘thank goodness they got the babysitter in 2 weeks ago because someone else wanted them to babysit that night’ so it was planned in advance.

I don’t really know what I’m looking for here. I know I’ve said about weight a lot but I don’t know what else it could be. I genuinely try my best to talk and be nice and fit it but they just don’t like me at all. Even my husbands mum has started being weird with me (although I honestly thing it’s because she realised my mum and dad have money which I didn’t tell anyone because I didn’t want this situation)

anyone else have a family in law like this and how do you navigate it? I wouldn’t care as much only I have my son and I want him to know his cousins.

Thank you if you’ve read this far.

I think your husband is right - they do sound jealous. You sound like a decent person and I would try to cut them out as much as possible.

Aye but they've always been size down, even years ago when i was an 8 I'd struggle to fit their 10s/12s

The inlaws might of been wearing some Karen lol 😂

Don't think they'd be able to afford it by the sounds of it 😬 although tbf I hate Karen Milne. And actually I've just realised I've agreed Monsoon sizes down whereas i think they size up. Always think monsoon is massive.

I do think you sound like a bully from this post noodles.

Excellent question.

Just confirming again you’re just not very nice on here.

What I don't like about this thread is the way some people are projecting about other people they knew, to whom money and thinness were important. As if that is relevant to the OP - it's not.

The key things to me that stick out in this situation are that the OP doesn't sound remotely stuck up in her posts and, her husband is the one who suggested his own family is jealous. I think he knows his own family better than you do.

@BowlOfNoodles I think your comments about self awareness are somewhat ironic.

Genuinely not stuck up. I got really lucky with a good job and really unlucky with an eating disorder. For the record I don’t think either of these things or anything material should precede just being a nice person tbh. I think that’s what I’m struggling with. I don’t care about their weight, jobs, money etc etc just nice to be nice and be friends when there’s no barriers to not be

Same here

Reading your posts carefully, and as a lard-arse, I think your husband is right, they are jealous. They are the ones focussing and commenting on relative weight and wealth, you are simply relaying that to us.

You’ve really tried with them but the problem is they don’t want to like you; and if a person doesn’t want to like you then you being nice or kind or demonstrating good qualities actually annoys them even more: fucking Little Miss Perfect over there! You can’t win this one so I think a quiet retreat to save your feelings is the best way. Maintain civility when you do see them but hand the baton to your husband to attend family events with the children. Don’t pursue friendship anymore, you can still have cousins round and vice versa.

They don’t sound very nice, I’m sure your husband is very happy he didn’t marry their carbon copy and instead got someone more generously minded.

Not nice that they might be wearing karen millen? Lol I said I have to size up in it so might not officially be a 14 lol how's that bullying 😂

It depends chick I've had some tiny monsoon cotton dresses around and thought you jokers 😂 but again my boobs are massive so I usually opt for stretch material

What a ridiculous post. Literally millions of people have lots of money and I’m still envious of them because I don’t (although I would never hold this against them. It’s not their fault I don’t have a high paying job)

How do they know what day you get paid?

None of my family would know if I get paid at the start, the middle or the end of the month 😳

I don't get invited to things my MIL does with her daughters, it used to upset me but it is what it is. Don't let it bother you.
Find your own tribe, just because they are your DCs relatives you don't have to be best friends. Not everyone will like you, thats life.

Yes, this! Hopefully you haven't said anything to them but that is obviously your mindset and perhaps they sense that you think yourself superior to them.

In some of your comments it sounds like you could be trying too hard to fit in and make them friendly towards you. It can come over annoying (pushy, show offy, bragging eg. Oh they did well so and so did this or does that. It can be someone overly trying to fit in but taken the wrong way) and fake when people who are genuinely like this and are too overwhelming at wanting to be friends. It's on them not you for not giving you the chance, but I think if you pull back just a little they might see the real you and not see you as someone who is trying too hard. Let them know the real you and I would try keep it to a couple of them at a time not a whole group as the pack mentality will be in full force and won't give anyone chance to form a different opinion. Invite a couple of them round just say you get overwhelmed by a larger group of them and never know what to say and take a present but back seat sort of role. A little like starting afresh x

Hi OP, I haven’t read all your posts but I would be looking to kill them with kindness. They may be jealous but often this stems from people’s own insecurities. Be confident and assertive and don’t tolerate any nasty putdowns about your weight.

Best way to get an “in” is to divide and conquer. Invite the nicest one round with her partner or whatever and get to know them 1:1. Then do the same with the others. Make an active effort with their children and take a genuine interest in their lives. It’s really tough being the newbie in an established family. Good luck.

Most people assume last week of the month whereas in my case third week of the month. Suspect hubby would struggle to remember my pay day as irrelevant we budget over the month.

i think they just bond over problems they have in their day to day lives, money struggles and unwanted weight. They probably lend each other money before payday and diet together for support. A ‘we are all in it together’ mentality. You don’t have these problems so it’s difficult to talk to you about them.
you would need to find other things to bond over and make them the focus of conversations.

wealth shouldn’t come into it, but that’s easy to say when you have money. You bought a pram that was beyond their means and I think it’s irked them not throat you bought it but that you acted like it was not big deal to spend so much on an item. From experience people are not so much jealous of wealth but put off when it’s taken for granted, and this may be the way you are coming across to them?

Is a size 14 really unwanted weight? It's actually average. The most common being a 16!

If you read the posts you’ll see that I said I’ve never discussed salary. They know what I do and it’s a known high paying job. Don’t think I’m superior to them at all. They brought up the weight thing and have made comments about lifestyle; not me.

This is very true and I never thought about it like this. They all have kids similar age too and work in the same sort of work.

to be honest I have went through different stages of attitude from adopting a ‘maybe don’t wear those designer shoes to this event’ to ‘feck it I work hard and I’m going to wear the shoes’ so I know what you mean about taking things for granted, that could well be the case. How do you address not taking it for granted though without nearly admitting the wealth difference if that makes sense?

Mu MIL and SIL and overly fond of me, I don’t really care, my DH likes me a lot, thats what I care about. You carry on doing you, be polite and cicil and dare I ay kind and let them carry on.