Boyfriend squeezed my arm

[noraalsworth]

Hi all,

The other night I held my boyfriends wrists to get up and must've squeezed them when doing so. A few moments later he grabbed my arm and squeezed it really tight whilst physically scrunching his face.

I asked him to stop and told him to get off me.

He apologised and said he didn't want to hurt me, just make me feel uncomfortable like he felt uncomfortable when I squeezed his arms.

He has apologised profusely but I'm not sure if this is the first sign of abuse or not given I squeezed his wrists first?

I understand that he must've thought the same as you, that I did it deliberately

This isn't great, either. Why would anybody in a healthy relationship assume that something like this wasn't by mistake? People accidentally hurt each other in small ways all the time, stepping on toes, changing direction without looking, both bending down to pick something up and knocking heads, awkwardly leaning by mistake etc. Imagine how different things would be if we all assumed that this was because they were trying to hurt us.

This. I'm getting more tit for tat vibes from your post unless there's more information to add.

You're allowing him to rewrite history OP.

This is what actually happened:

A few moments later he grabbed my arm and squeezed it really tight whilst physically scrunching his face.

Now you say he didn't mean to hurt you and 'just' wanted to make you uncomfortable (which is still bizarre and horrible behaviour) when he very clearly did mean to hurt you.

Squeezing someone's arm really right, while physically scrunching up your face with the effort / in anger, doesn't suggest discomfort is the aim, it suggests pain is.

How did he know exactly when to stop before uncomfortable became painful?

I’m sorry that’s pure bullshit.

You did something thoughtless accidentally. This happens all the time in real life. We tell people when they do this and ask them not to do it again.

What he did was physically retaliate/punish.

It does not bode well. Thankfully it’s only been 6 months and you’ve had insight to his spiteful personality.

🏃🏽‍♀️OP

Sex shouldn't be painful. If it is, it's a sign you're not yet ready for penetration.

And you're six months in. It's your honeymoon period. Should all be sunshine and roses. There should be no need for counselling.

This is a bit subjective. I m squeezing my arm and it doesn't hurt unless you literally pinch or grasp a skin fold. Either way I can't see why he would react the way he did. Prob best to call it a day.