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Threesome went wrong

838 replies

Cherryblossom85 · 22/07/2024 10:29

Hi all I'm posting this for a couple of reasons really.
One being I have noone else to get this all of my chest too as I haven't told any friends about it and Two to warn other how a potential threesome could go.

So here goes
I've been seeing a man for about 9 months, he has always treated me very well all the things I had been looking for including No games. Grounded. Mature. Kind . Funny and we have always just clicked from day one.

A couple of months ago we spoke about sexual fantasies his being a threesome, he said he would never make me feel pressured to do this though & was happy for it just to be a fantasy. As time went on I felt more comfortable with him sexually & said I would like to explore this with him .
He was clearly very excited & got to work straight away on joining dating sites & sites aimed for swinging / threesomes.
I left all that side to him as I'm not really into messaging people back & forth.
Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago he msg me and told me he has found someone, she would like to explore with us as a couple

He sent me the conversation between them and the photos they had exchanged, it was all very open and he said I could change my mind at any time ( which I have felt I can do)
We had arranged to meet her this friday just gone.
The past 2 weeks leading up to it, she is all he has spoken about it was like he was obsessed , i just said to myself well once it is out if his system maybe he wint be going on and on about her so much.
To cut a long story short ... we met her friday evening, I found her very attractive and there was an instant chemistry between us.
We all chatted for a while and then she made it clear she would like to take things further that evening so we booked into a hotel.
The thing is , she seemed very keen on me and was all over me , kissing touching etc. The man I'm seeing was initially into it he then turned and said to her can I join in now and she said no not yet I just want to be with her for a minute , so he respected that.
As things progressed she only wanted me , I stopped and asked her are you actually gay? Or not attracted to my boyfriend? That's ok if either of those things are correct however we were after a threesome, she then kissed him for a while and they started doing other things together ... I could see her actually wince though as if she just was not attracted to him in the slightest ... she kept turning back towards me and when he put his hand on her leg to get involved she said no and moved his hand off her.
It was all a bit awkward however I was quite enjoying being with her , I looked over at my boyfriend and he looked very angry , I had never seen him like this before!
She then went to the bathroom and he turned to me and said that he doenst want the threesome to continue and that he was going to offer to pay for her cab.
He was very short with me and it was clear he wasnt having a good time so I agreed.
When she came out of the bathroom I was polite and friendly and said it wasnt working for us as a couple and we would call her a cab. I was so embarrassed about my boyfriend's behaviour as he was grumpy now and didnt speak to her before she left. I walked her out to the cab gave a hug and said goodbye.
When I walked back into the hotel room my boyfriend was very cross and said shes obsessed with you! I said to him I'm so confused this is what your fantasy you have said for a long time that you wanted to see me with another woman .I understand she was more attracted to me then him however I couldnt help this.
Anyway his behaviour has now given me the ick and I dont think I want to see him anymore!. We went to sleep that evening and the next morning we went for breakfast he moaned about how expensive the bill for breakfast was ( it really wasn't) I had never seen him behave like this before now.
I offered to pay for it just to keep him quiet and to stop the moaning although it was his turn to pay as we often take turns.
I paid for the breakfast we got up to leave and his whole attitude was miserable. I tried talking to him and he was having none of it , again something I've never seen in him before as we have always communicated well.
By Saturday afternoon I was ready to go home , we had the weekend planned together but something had switched inside me after seeing him like this and I made my excuses and said I needed to get back as my children were coming back early . I made it up but I just had to leave , I couldn't stand to be around him.
I feel like theres no going back from this.
Any advice over what to do please?
Thanks in advance

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
courgettes4eva · 23/07/2024 09:03

oh sorry wrong thread

courgettes4eva · 23/07/2024 09:03

Dominoeffecter · 23/07/2024 09:01

You took a screenshot of it and posted it on the thread, I didn’t see it until you did that as it had been DELETED 🤣🤣

ah i see
i was thinking… bloody hell that’s weird!

LuckySantangelo35 · 23/07/2024 09:04

courgettes4eva · 23/07/2024 08:54

is it my worst nightmare of a weekend? yes
would i be showering vigorously after such a weekend? hell yes
am i relieved no children present in the house (i had missed it was at his house) during this kind of weekend? hell yes!

@courgettes4eva

why would you be showering vigorously? Because you’d had sex with a woman? Are you homophobic?

courgettes4eva · 23/07/2024 09:05

all my other posts have been telling the op she had a lucky escape and she should now have a giggle over a drink with some close friends!

courgettes4eva · 23/07/2024 09:05

LuckySantangelo35 · 23/07/2024 09:04

@courgettes4eva

why would you be showering vigorously? Because you’d had sex with a woman? Are you homophobic?

for having had sex with…. him!

courgettes4eva · 23/07/2024 09:06

to wash away the last 9 months!

NonPlayerCharacter · 23/07/2024 09:07

Haha!

Threesome went wrong
Feelingstrange2 · 23/07/2024 09:09

Fantasy should stay fantasy as they will never be in reality what you've grown to imagine.

Dump him now. Move on.

Dominoeffecter · 23/07/2024 09:09

courgettes4eva · 23/07/2024 09:05

all my other posts have been telling the op she had a lucky escape and she should now have a giggle over a drink with some close friends!

And asking for details of rude private messages and wanting to know more about other posters threesomes 🤔

courgettes4eva · 23/07/2024 09:11

Feelingstrange2 · 23/07/2024 09:09

Fantasy should stay fantasy as they will never be in reality what you've grown to imagine.

Dump him now. Move on.

thankfully… that’s been done!

LuckySantangelo35 · 23/07/2024 09:21

Dominoeffecter · 23/07/2024 09:09

And asking for details of rude private messages and wanting to know more about other posters threesomes 🤔

I know right?! For someone who claims a threesome would be their worst nightmare and you’d need to shower for hours afterwards, you sure do seem pretty interested in the topic @courgettes4eva 🤔

SloaneStreetVandal · 23/07/2024 09:32

LuckySantangelo35 · 23/07/2024 09:04

@courgettes4eva

why would you be showering vigorously? Because you’d had sex with a woman? Are you homophobic?

I imagine it was meant metaphorically, given the scene described will be considered by some as incredibly sleazy.

Others may consider group sex with strangers a wonderful sexual liberation, others may consider haywire hormones or past trauma. We'll all have thoughts on motivation 🙂

As far as judgement goes, we all judge. All the time, every day; it's a perfectly normal human condition.

courgettes4eva · 23/07/2024 09:33

LuckySantangelo35 · 23/07/2024 09:21

I know right?! For someone who claims a threesome would be their worst nightmare and you’d need to shower for hours afterwards, you sure do seem pretty interested in the topic @courgettes4eva 🤔

oh… I am!!

kkloo · 23/07/2024 10:05

PansyPolly · 23/07/2024 06:25

As per a PP of mine, the woman gave it a go and then made (what was possibly a tactical) visit to the bathroom when the XP got a strop on, which let them discuss it.

It was working for her, it was working for OP, it was not working for XP. It is on the person it isn’t working for to raise their hand, use their words, to stop proceedings or ask for changes

I have played in a group setting where I didn’t fancy one of the guys, I moved his hand away and the group continued without further contact between him and me. Everyone was happy. In that case it was lack of physical attraction, but if anyone in the group had had an angry face on because they felt they weren’t getting the type of sexual contact they wanted, I wouldn’t have gone near them either.

It is not on the guest star to sort out everyone else’s needs. It sounds like the XP thought she would be a mannequin, not a person, and that events would only go the way he had in his head.

It was working for her, it was working for OP, it was not working for XP. It is on the person it isn’t working for to raise their hand, use their words, to stop proceedings or ask for changes

It quite clearly was not working for her, so yeah it should have been on her to raise her hand, use her words, stop proceedings and ask for changes.

PansyPolly · 23/07/2024 10:10

“It quite clearly was not working for her, so yeah it should have been on her to raise her hand, use her words, stop proceedings and ask for changes.”

Why are you so determined to “blame”
the guest star for the man’s feelings?

She did use her words - she moved the guy’s hand away and said no. Thereby stopping the part that wasn’t working for her.

I will leave it there, as I suspect you are wilfully and disingenuously “misunderstanding” now.

kkloo · 23/07/2024 10:16

PansyPolly · 23/07/2024 10:10

“It quite clearly was not working for her, so yeah it should have been on her to raise her hand, use her words, stop proceedings and ask for changes.”

Why are you so determined to “blame”
the guest star for the man’s feelings?

She did use her words - she moved the guy’s hand away and said no. Thereby stopping the part that wasn’t working for her.

I will leave it there, as I suspect you are wilfully and disingenuously “misunderstanding” now.

I pretty much never ever take the mans side for everything, I think most of them are pricks.

I'm just saying that I do not think she came across as well at all, and I think that she was just as entitled as him. If you don't want to continue with the planned threesome that's absolutely 100% fair enough, but it's wrong to just decide you're going to use it as an opportunity to sleep with one of the people even though that was not the agreement.

I'm not being disingenuous, this is my genuine true opinion.

If you agree to have a threesome and realise you are not into one of the people then it's wrong to carry on with one of them after ruling the other one because that's like cucking the other partner, which is something that should only be done with consent.

I'd feel the same if this threesome had been 3 women, or if the third had been a man so it's not about blaming her for the mans response and behaviour. I'd feel the same if she ruled the OP out but still carried on with her man in her front of her.

It's entitled to think well I don't want to sleep with that one but I'm going to use this as an opportunity to fuck the partner anyway! The couple may never have agreed to the arrangement if it wasn't going to be an involved threesome.

She has just as many red flags as the man does in this scenario. Neither came off well.

samanthablues · 23/07/2024 10:21

I’m all for threesomes but let’s put ourselves in his shoes for a second because ‘why not’. Let’s say my life long fantasy is having a threesome with my boyfriend and another guy, finally hubby agrees to it, so I find a handsome random guy on the internet. Man comes to our place, sees hubby, gets instant crush and all he does is sexually pay attention to him, hubby is completely into
him and reciprocates, all of a sudden I feel like a third wheel. My only options at this point is watch two men enjoying themselves and feel ignored.

No I would not be happy, yes my ego would be slightly crushed, yes I would rethink my relationship with this man who seem to be more in a male stranger than he’s in to me.

All this would open a massive can of worms and would have me sit with him and have a serious conversation with him, lay cards on the table etc… what I would NOT do is throw the toys out of the pram, stop speaking to my husband and go find another man on the internet to have sex, unless of course I had the emotional intelligence of a mosquito which I believe is your BF’s case.

Good riddance.

NonPlayerCharacter · 23/07/2024 10:22

kkloo · 23/07/2024 10:16

I pretty much never ever take the mans side for everything, I think most of them are pricks.

I'm just saying that I do not think she came across as well at all, and I think that she was just as entitled as him. If you don't want to continue with the planned threesome that's absolutely 100% fair enough, but it's wrong to just decide you're going to use it as an opportunity to sleep with one of the people even though that was not the agreement.

I'm not being disingenuous, this is my genuine true opinion.

If you agree to have a threesome and realise you are not into one of the people then it's wrong to carry on with one of them after ruling the other one because that's like cucking the other partner, which is something that should only be done with consent.

I'd feel the same if this threesome had been 3 women, or if the third had been a man so it's not about blaming her for the mans response and behaviour. I'd feel the same if she ruled the OP out but still carried on with her man in her front of her.

It's entitled to think well I don't want to sleep with that one but I'm going to use this as an opportunity to fuck the partner anyway! The couple may never have agreed to the arrangement if it wasn't going to be an involved threesome.

She has just as many red flags as the man does in this scenario. Neither came off well.

Edited

If you agree to have a threesome and realise you are not into one of the people then it's wrong to carry on with one of them after ruling the other one because that's like cucking the other partner, which is something that should only be done with consent.

He withdrew consent, and she left. What's the problem?

janeintheframe · 23/07/2024 10:40

NonPlayerCharacter · 23/07/2024 10:22

If you agree to have a threesome and realise you are not into one of the people then it's wrong to carry on with one of them after ruling the other one because that's like cucking the other partner, which is something that should only be done with consent.

He withdrew consent, and she left. What's the problem?

Yes, I’m a little surprised by the posters comments, it went on as long as they both gave consent, when it was withdrawn, she left. All three of them could have stopped at any time. The partner wasn’t forced to sit there eating a sandwich whilst they cracked on.

kkloo · 23/07/2024 10:50

NonPlayerCharacter · 23/07/2024 10:22

If you agree to have a threesome and realise you are not into one of the people then it's wrong to carry on with one of them after ruling the other one because that's like cucking the other partner, which is something that should only be done with consent.

He withdrew consent, and she left. What's the problem?

The problem is that just like with things such as men deciding to try for anal or choking etc that they should make sure that they have consent first, rather than just going for it and waiting for the partner to stop it and withdraw consent.

A mutual threesome is very different to inviting a third in to play with one partner while the other watches. And she didn't have consent for that scenario.

Lacky301 · 23/07/2024 10:54

Does anybody else think a budding relationship has possibly been ruined by a fantasy.

MollyMoonshine · 23/07/2024 10:56

Lacky301 · 23/07/2024 10:54

Does anybody else think a budding relationship has possibly been ruined by a fantasy.

I think he's shown his true colours. The OP has had a lucky escape.

ARichtGoodDram · 23/07/2024 10:58

Lacky301 · 23/07/2024 10:54

Does anybody else think a budding relationship has possibly been ruined by a fantasy.

No.

His huffing and stropping when something went wrong showed how he’ll react to things going wrong generally.

Plus it’s very telling that part of his issue was that the OP enjoyed it more than he expected and he tried to pull her into another threesome that she’d enjoy less to make up for it. His selfishness screamed out.

janeintheframe · 23/07/2024 10:58

Lacky301 · 23/07/2024 10:54

Does anybody else think a budding relationship has possibly been ruined by a fantasy.

Not remotely. As she’d have found out what he’s like at some point. Doesn’t matter how, she’d have found out. The man was like a spoiled child, and then he suggested not another 3some, but that she had to sit and watch him shag someone else, as some form of revenge

the relationship wasn’t ruined by the fantasy, it was ruined because he showed who he is.

LuckySantangelo35 · 23/07/2024 11:01

courgettes4eva · 23/07/2024 09:33

oh… I am!!

@courgettes4eva

cos you want one yourself? Girl, just go for it! Might be the best sex of your life.

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