Threesome went wrong

[Cherryblossom85]

Hi all I'm posting this for a couple of reasons really.
One being I have noone else to get this all of my chest too as I haven't told any friends about it and Two to warn other how a potential threesome could go.

So here goes
I've been seeing a man for about 9 months, he has always treated me very well all the things I had been looking for including No games. Grounded. Mature. Kind . Funny and we have always just clicked from day one.

A couple of months ago we spoke about sexual fantasies his being a threesome, he said he would never make me feel pressured to do this though & was happy for it just to be a fantasy. As time went on I felt more comfortable with him sexually & said I would like to explore this with him .
He was clearly very excited & got to work straight away on joining dating sites & sites aimed for swinging / threesomes.
I left all that side to him as I'm not really into messaging people back & forth.
Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago he msg me and told me he has found someone, she would like to explore with us as a couple

He sent me the conversation between them and the photos they had exchanged, it was all very open and he said I could change my mind at any time ( which I have felt I can do)
We had arranged to meet her this friday just gone.
The past 2 weeks leading up to it, she is all he has spoken about it was like he was obsessed , i just said to myself well once it is out if his system maybe he wint be going on and on about her so much.
To cut a long story short ... we met her friday evening, I found her very attractive and there was an instant chemistry between us.
We all chatted for a while and then she made it clear she would like to take things further that evening so we booked into a hotel.
The thing is , she seemed very keen on me and was all over me , kissing touching etc. The man I'm seeing was initially into it he then turned and said to her can I join in now and she said no not yet I just want to be with her for a minute , so he respected that.
As things progressed she only wanted me , I stopped and asked her are you actually gay? Or not attracted to my boyfriend? That's ok if either of those things are correct however we were after a threesome, she then kissed him for a while and they started doing other things together ... I could see her actually wince though as if she just was not attracted to him in the slightest ... she kept turning back towards me and when he put his hand on her leg to get involved she said no and moved his hand off her.
It was all a bit awkward however I was quite enjoying being with her , I looked over at my boyfriend and he looked very angry , I had never seen him like this before!
She then went to the bathroom and he turned to me and said that he doenst want the threesome to continue and that he was going to offer to pay for her cab.
He was very short with me and it was clear he wasnt having a good time so I agreed.
When she came out of the bathroom I was polite and friendly and said it wasnt working for us as a couple and we would call her a cab. I was so embarrassed about my boyfriend's behaviour as he was grumpy now and didnt speak to her before she left. I walked her out to the cab gave a hug and said goodbye.
When I walked back into the hotel room my boyfriend was very cross and said shes obsessed with you! I said to him I'm so confused this is what your fantasy you have said for a long time that you wanted to see me with another woman .I understand she was more attracted to me then him however I couldnt help this.
Anyway his behaviour has now given me the ick and I dont think I want to see him anymore!. We went to sleep that evening and the next morning we went for breakfast he moaned about how expensive the bill for breakfast was ( it really wasn't) I had never seen him behave like this before now.
I offered to pay for it just to keep him quiet and to stop the moaning although it was his turn to pay as we often take turns.
I paid for the breakfast we got up to leave and his whole attitude was miserable. I tried talking to him and he was having none of it , again something I've never seen in him before as we have always communicated well.
By Saturday afternoon I was ready to go home , we had the weekend planned together but something had switched inside me after seeing him like this and I made my excuses and said I needed to get back as my children were coming back early . I made it up but I just had to leave , I couldn't stand to be around him.
I feel like theres no going back from this.
Any advice over what to do please?
Thanks in advance

Anyone who sends a poster a private message and fills it with hatred and offensiveness, should be permanently banned from MN. No second chances, no passing GO, no collecting 200 (dollars, pounds or euros).

I am sorry someone was so rude, uncouth and crass to you. xxx

Good for you OP! It’s great that you now have the confidence to explore new things but also have boundaries and ditch those who don’t care about your feelings or respect you. Don't beat yourself up about getting the ex wrong (that’s happened to us all!) he sounds awful! And it’s 100% not your fault he didn’t enjoy the threesome. Enjoy your new chapter!

She isn't on her own though.

Not fancying one man does not make a woman a lesbian.

I mean, guessing you're a man here, you'd totally be up for a session with Ann Widdecombe, right? And if you're not, that clearly makes you gay...

There's a word for men who think women shouldn't be allowed to change their minds. Can't quite recall it, something like tapist or rappist?

Maybe it was all those things. Or maybe it was that she knew all along she only wanted the OP and not the man.

None of us were there, none of us know what was going on in the heads of all involved, all of us only have OP's version of events to work from.

As the saying goes, there's always at least three sides of a story. More in this case.

Though of course without the need for discussion,every person has a right to say no.

"Rapey" was the word you used earlier.

And what's wrong with Ann Widdecombe? Is her age, or her size, or her political views on which you think men wouldn't fancy her? 😅

I can't remember the name of the rhetorical device I was using, but I was using it to make a point in the same way that JKR was when she pretended on TwiX that she couldn't quite remember the word "woman".

Reform UK membership.

Now that is a specific thing!

Of course she can change her mind, but if you're there for a threesome and rule one of the two of them out you don't just say nothing and still use the opportunity to have sex with the partner.

She said that he was entitled? Sounds like she was the same!

I can't think of anything less erotic and unappealing than some guy excitedly scouring swingers sites in order to hoor me out.

Quite, but clearly this other woman felt very differently about it.

I’ve not yet finished reading the thread but you must be joking…..

I hope you have her number!

Dump the man, keep the woman. Sorry he ruined the experience for you.

Lesson learned for him, most women up for threesomes on swingers sites are looking for other women. Doesn't he realise how easy men are?

Glad you're meeting her on Thursday - hope it goes well. I'm still friends with a woman I met as a threesome. We mostly talk about art and stuff.

She's a person who enjoys three-way hook ups with other couples, not a mind-reader, not a mystic in possession of the ability to see the future.

Someone can seem fine via messages or even on the phone then you meet them and get the ick, are turned off, decide you don't want to do what was originally planned.

Sometimes that happens straight away when you clap eyes on them, sometimes something happens later on that makes you change your mind.

Or are you suggesting she should have carried on and done things she didn't actually want to do, because it had been previously agreed upon?!

You did judge AND you brought her kids into it, just because it got deleted doesn’t erase it from memory also you kindly put a screenshot to brag about 56 ‘thanks’ 😂

What a stupid thing to say!

Why don’t you read all the OP’s posts? You’ll find out she already has!

As per a PP of mine, the woman gave it a go and then made (what was possibly a tactical) visit to the bathroom when the XP got a strop on, which let them discuss it.

It was working for her, it was working for OP, it was not working for XP. It is on the person it isn’t working for to raise their hand, use their words, to stop proceedings or ask for changes

I have played in a group setting where I didn’t fancy one of the guys, I moved his hand away and the group continued without further contact between him and me. Everyone was happy. In that case it was lack of physical attraction, but if anyone in the group had had an angry face on because they felt they weren’t getting the type of sexual contact they wanted, I wouldn’t have gone near them either.

It is not on the guest star to sort out everyone else’s needs. It sounds like the XP thought she would be a mannequin, not a person, and that events would only go the way he had in his head.

that was the unicorn. Not OP😂

and we do not know what the ex and the unicorn actually talked about.

However:

”also he has been telling me for months prior to this that watching two women all over each other was a huge turn on for him so I thought he was enjoying it” that’s what he’s been telling OP.

It therefore would be quite likely that he told the other woman the same and therefore gave her the impression that he simply wanted to watch.

The other woman was quite clearly under the impression that the “threesome” would be something she’d enjoy. An impression most likely given by the man who arranged the whole thing…

also he has been telling me for months prior to this that watching two women all over each other was a huge turn on for him so I thought he was enjoying it” that’s what he’s been telling OP.

That’s a good point @PumpkinsAndCoconuts

And if the OP thought he was enjoying himself, I am still unclear why a couple of posters think the guest star should have known differently and acted differently.

Well if something wasn't right then don't you think responsible adults should of stopped the activity. Women on here can be brutal to men.