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Threesome went wrong

838 replies

Cherryblossom85 · 22/07/2024 10:29

Hi all I'm posting this for a couple of reasons really.
One being I have noone else to get this all of my chest too as I haven't told any friends about it and Two to warn other how a potential threesome could go.

So here goes
I've been seeing a man for about 9 months, he has always treated me very well all the things I had been looking for including No games. Grounded. Mature. Kind . Funny and we have always just clicked from day one.

A couple of months ago we spoke about sexual fantasies his being a threesome, he said he would never make me feel pressured to do this though & was happy for it just to be a fantasy. As time went on I felt more comfortable with him sexually & said I would like to explore this with him .
He was clearly very excited & got to work straight away on joining dating sites & sites aimed for swinging / threesomes.
I left all that side to him as I'm not really into messaging people back & forth.
Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago he msg me and told me he has found someone, she would like to explore with us as a couple

He sent me the conversation between them and the photos they had exchanged, it was all very open and he said I could change my mind at any time ( which I have felt I can do)
We had arranged to meet her this friday just gone.
The past 2 weeks leading up to it, she is all he has spoken about it was like he was obsessed , i just said to myself well once it is out if his system maybe he wint be going on and on about her so much.
To cut a long story short ... we met her friday evening, I found her very attractive and there was an instant chemistry between us.
We all chatted for a while and then she made it clear she would like to take things further that evening so we booked into a hotel.
The thing is , she seemed very keen on me and was all over me , kissing touching etc. The man I'm seeing was initially into it he then turned and said to her can I join in now and she said no not yet I just want to be with her for a minute , so he respected that.
As things progressed she only wanted me , I stopped and asked her are you actually gay? Or not attracted to my boyfriend? That's ok if either of those things are correct however we were after a threesome, she then kissed him for a while and they started doing other things together ... I could see her actually wince though as if she just was not attracted to him in the slightest ... she kept turning back towards me and when he put his hand on her leg to get involved she said no and moved his hand off her.
It was all a bit awkward however I was quite enjoying being with her , I looked over at my boyfriend and he looked very angry , I had never seen him like this before!
She then went to the bathroom and he turned to me and said that he doenst want the threesome to continue and that he was going to offer to pay for her cab.
He was very short with me and it was clear he wasnt having a good time so I agreed.
When she came out of the bathroom I was polite and friendly and said it wasnt working for us as a couple and we would call her a cab. I was so embarrassed about my boyfriend's behaviour as he was grumpy now and didnt speak to her before she left. I walked her out to the cab gave a hug and said goodbye.
When I walked back into the hotel room my boyfriend was very cross and said shes obsessed with you! I said to him I'm so confused this is what your fantasy you have said for a long time that you wanted to see me with another woman .I understand she was more attracted to me then him however I couldnt help this.
Anyway his behaviour has now given me the ick and I dont think I want to see him anymore!. We went to sleep that evening and the next morning we went for breakfast he moaned about how expensive the bill for breakfast was ( it really wasn't) I had never seen him behave like this before now.
I offered to pay for it just to keep him quiet and to stop the moaning although it was his turn to pay as we often take turns.
I paid for the breakfast we got up to leave and his whole attitude was miserable. I tried talking to him and he was having none of it , again something I've never seen in him before as we have always communicated well.
By Saturday afternoon I was ready to go home , we had the weekend planned together but something had switched inside me after seeing him like this and I made my excuses and said I needed to get back as my children were coming back early . I made it up but I just had to leave , I couldn't stand to be around him.
I feel like theres no going back from this.
Any advice over what to do please?
Thanks in advance

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
forestcreature · 22/07/2024 15:56

I haven’t read all of the replies but just wanted to reply from the perspective of someone who has been in the position of the other girl - I joined a couple who were experimenting. I am bisexual but in that instance I was more attracted to the woman. I wasn’t unattracted to the guy and still made out with both of them but it might just have been obvious that I was more drawn to / aroused by her. When we finished the guy had a go at me accusing me of being gay and basically ‘deceiving them’. I found myself defending myself that I wasn’t gay (otherwise also I wouldn’t have bothered being a couple!) and I realised how wrong it felt having to defend myself, so I left!
It made me feel totally icky - though - it made me feel like some kind of service!!!!!
moved past it pretty quickly but the post just reminded me of it with him accusing her of being gay.(nothing wrong with being gay obviously - it’s just the implication that if you don’t fancy one particular person it must be a sign of your sexuality!)

courgettes4eva · 22/07/2024 16:01

how did it come about that you joined them? friends? neighbours?!

Whatineed · 22/07/2024 16:02

fluffiphlox · 22/07/2024 10:42

How unlike the home life of our own dear queen.

How would you know, were you in her bedroom?

forestcreature · 22/07/2024 16:05

courgettes4eva · 22/07/2024 16:01

how did it come about that you joined them? friends? neighbours?!

Why do you ask?

Alltheyearround · 22/07/2024 16:06

fluffiphlox · 22/07/2024 10:42

How unlike the home life of our own dear queen.

That made me snort.

Imperrysmum · 22/07/2024 16:06

Goodness 😂 the whole is just a cringe fest from you both from start to finish.

StonedRoses · 22/07/2024 16:09

Are you Carol from Friends? Did Ross suggest this as a way of reconnecting???

Alltheyearround · 22/07/2024 16:11

Chalk it up to experience.

I'd have to move on from the guy though. What a shame he's shown his true colours - or maybe a good thing before you got closer.

He doesn't sound emotionally mature enough to be handling his fantasy in real life where actual thinking women are involved rather than fantasy acolytes to fawn upon him and boost his ego.

Oh dear. F for fail there, dear chap.

courgettes4eva · 22/07/2024 16:11

forestcreature · 22/07/2024 16:05

Why do you ask?

curious about the “before” a threesome bit!

Whatineed · 22/07/2024 16:12

Cherryblossom85 · 22/07/2024 15:15

Ok as so many of you are so clearly invested ... I'm really surprised actually at how supportive people have been on here! Bar the few judgemental ones
Here's an update
Hes eventually txt me back & the msg has literally given me the answer I needed , it's over.
Amongst other things that he has said he blames me for ruining his fantasy that he has had his whole life , he said she shouldn't of found you that attractive.... um pardon me ? Hes then gone on to say he didnt think I would enjoy it as much as I did as it was "his" fantasy & watching me get so turned on by the unicorn has hurt his feelings. He has now said that he has found someone else already on another dating site who is willing to have sex with him and I watch .... I just said absolutely not and I've had to end it.
Obviously ive msg a bit more than that but the point is ive ended it. I cant believe how much my life has changed since friday evening 🤦‍♀️ I feel like hes used me to try to fulfil his fantasy. I'm done.

Edited

You definitely made more sex noises with her than you ever did with him OP! 😂

Even if you two ladies don't want to date or have a relationship, but want to play, can't she look for a guy you might both fancy on that website she's on, for next time...?

Otherwise you're well rid... What a sulky man baby... Not many women would go out there and try these things, he should've been greatful just to watch.

PhantomSmoke · 22/07/2024 16:12

forestcreature · 22/07/2024 16:05

Why do you ask?

Maybe someone with a love for courgettes is thinking ‘If one courgette is good, why not two…’.

Longtimelurkerfinallyposts · 22/07/2024 16:13

Well done for ending it with him!
A sulking man-child with a damaged ego is always unattractive and icky.
You can do better without him (and should definitely get in touch with her now!)

It's not that uncommon to get this kind of dynamic in a threesome situation - where one of the people involved is more attracted to one person than the other - so if he's been fantasising about this his entire life, I'm surprised he didn't do enough research to understand that this was a distinct possibility, and that he might well end up feeling left out. Presumably he could only imagine you as the one being left out - in line with his charming comments about her finding you more attractive.

Glad you have survived this situation and can now move on to better things.

courgettes4eva · 22/07/2024 16:13

PhantomSmoke · 22/07/2024 16:12

Maybe someone with a love for courgettes is thinking ‘If one courgette is good, why not two…’.

oh 😆

EBearhug · 22/07/2024 16:13

courgettes4eva · 22/07/2024 16:01

how did it come about that you joined them? friends? neighbours?!

The Internet more likely.

WishIMite · 22/07/2024 16:14

Well done for sticking to your boundaries. I think threesomes are by their very nature really tricky to manage without one person being a bit left out. We are used to one-on-one sex and the reality of a threesome is quite complicated with who is doing what to who and giving everyone an equal share of attention. I'm glad you've expanded your horizons though with who you might want to explore with in future - good luck to you and well done for moving on!

Thepowerhouseofthecell · 22/07/2024 16:17

taxguru · 22/07/2024 14:31

Perhaps she just wasn't "in to" the guy when they started to get down to it. That happens. She may well have had good intentions, but for whatever reason, she is perfectly entitled to decide "nah, won't bother" at any point during intimacy. Just like any consenting couple can say no at whatever stage they are at, and shouldn't have to explain themselves for just not getting the feeling.

Sounds like she's confident and knows what she likes and what she doesn't. The OP should definitely explore further! Sounds like it could be fun.

Of course she was entitled to change her mind at any point but I think it would have been better for her to say she didn't want to do it anymore at all if she didn't fancy the bloke.
Instead she decided to carry on with op but not let him touch her which isn't really on in my opinion, and he was also entitled to change his mind about the whole thing because of it.

Based on op's update I'd dump him though.

Tulipsareredvioletsarebue · 22/07/2024 16:18

I love it!
He thought he would be a main in an Avengers of porn movie and instead ended up a side kick cameraman seeing the action through the lense.

courgettes4eva · 22/07/2024 16:19

EBearhug · 22/07/2024 16:13

The Internet more likely.

ah yes

Coconutter24 · 22/07/2024 16:22

He probably wouldn’t have been so sulky about it if you were the one left watching or maybe he realised sharing you with someone was not actually something he is comfortable with.

Cherryblossom85 · 22/07/2024 16:23

MildredSauce · 22/07/2024 15:20

So he was after a cuckquean scene and not a threesome? There you go, OP. He's sexually illiterate!

Onwards and upwards - you are going to be awesome!

Is cuckqueen actually a thing then?

OP posts:
Persiancouscous · 22/07/2024 16:25

Ooh wow that update @Cherryblossom85, bet you are glad you didn't invest anymore time into him.

What an absolute charmer, we have met guys like him and they don't do very well on the swinging scene, so if he was expecting you to be his "golden ticket" into the scene (as its very hard for guys without a plus one).

Was it just his fantasy ffm or do you think he would have kept pushing boundaries? And made it a lifestyle? Considering (I think) you said you had been to together 9 months or something, that he was looking for kink rather then a relationship? If he had been on swinging sites, he would know not many people get success without a partner.

Maybe be someone willing to have sex with him... he means an escort 😂😉

AngelusBell · 22/07/2024 16:26

Cherryblossom85 · 22/07/2024 15:15

Ok as so many of you are so clearly invested ... I'm really surprised actually at how supportive people have been on here! Bar the few judgemental ones
Here's an update
Hes eventually txt me back & the msg has literally given me the answer I needed , it's over.
Amongst other things that he has said he blames me for ruining his fantasy that he has had his whole life , he said she shouldn't of found you that attractive.... um pardon me ? Hes then gone on to say he didnt think I would enjoy it as much as I did as it was "his" fantasy & watching me get so turned on by the unicorn has hurt his feelings. He has now said that he has found someone else already on another dating site who is willing to have sex with him and I watch .... I just said absolutely not and I've had to end it.
Obviously ive msg a bit more than that but the point is ive ended it. I cant believe how much my life has changed since friday evening 🤦‍♀️ I feel like hes used me to try to fulfil his fantasy. I'm done.

Edited

Ick sticks and he made you pay for breakfast. You are well rid. Next!

Mirabai · 22/07/2024 16:28

Cherryblossom85 · 22/07/2024 16:23

Is cuckqueen actually a thing then?

Our dear cuckqueen you mean.

Cornflakelover · 22/07/2024 16:28

Aw he was just a spectator who wandered on to the wrong pitch 😂😂

MildredSauce · 22/07/2024 16:28

Cherryblossom85 · 22/07/2024 16:23

Is cuckqueen actually a thing then?

It absolutely is. F version of cuckolding. He wanted to ride her like Seabiscuit whilst you sat submissive in the corner, yearning for the crumbs.