Finances and Holidays

[QuickAzureBee]

Me and my girlfriend have been together for 5 years, we bought a house together 3 years ago. She has 2 girls and I have 1 boy. I have worked 3 jobs since we have met and covered all the bills as well as payed for the majority of a court case she went through with her ex which was around £25000. My girlfriend worked part time during this and covered the food bills. She has recently got a decent job with a good salary so I asked about sitting down and looking at our finances as I am left with no money by the time it comes to all the bills being paid. My suggestion was to pay a percentage each which reflects our wages and also have a pot for home improvements, holidays etc. when it came to sitting down I was told I am controlling. Within the same couple of weeks she says to my that she has booked a week off work at her new job so we can all go on holiday. After when checking everyone's calendar my son is away with his mum for the first 2 days. So I said about booking a holiday a couple days later so we can all go. She said no and that she is going away with her girls on that date no matter what. I have said that this is unfair and I do not have the finances to just go and say right I'm going away with my son and book a holiday. She has now gone and booked the holiday with just her and her 2 daughters which leaves me and my son not being able to have a holiday. I am thinking of leaving the relationship because of this. Do you think I'm wrong for feeling and being like that or am I over thinking it?

So happy to hear this update, you are doing the right thing. Good luck with it all and don't let her suck you back in! Even when it gets tough, which it will, but much better things are ahead of you.

@QuickAzureBee has she given permission for it to be put on the market?

I'm obviously being very dim here but I still don't really understand your point

"The house is down in both our names 50 50. My partner put in £110,000 and I put in £80,000 but out of my £80,000 £50,000 came at the beginning of the relationship but it was for the work I had done for the previous 12 years."

You decided to buy a house together. You both brought money to the purchase. It does not matter where it came from or how it was acquired. That should have been reflected in the % share of the property that each owned. If the house is sold you each get your original input into the purchase and a share of any increase in equity.

You are not married so there is no ability for you to take any of her divorce proceeds. Vice versa. It goes by what you set up at the time of purchase.

Seriously!!!!!

What a stupid comment.

Not everyone wants to marry. People can live very happily without that ring on their finger and a piece of paper declaring your love.

This.

I wouldn't leave the house if I were you

It was discussed but not officially.

Good on you for refusing to be treated like a mug any longer.

From your posts itseemsallyour partner is interested in is money and how much she can grab.

I bet your son will be much happier too.

Good luck to you both

No that's right. I agree that's how it should be. But she is claiming half of the £50 I got after we were together. What I am saying is she takes her 110, I take my 80 and then split the difference.

You sound entirely reasonable. It's time to end this if she can't behave as you would expect a partner to behave.
Good luck!

What an absolutely ludicrous statement, you are making massive assumptions here on behalf of people you do not know and dissing the OP just because he is male. If a woman had posted this then no one would make her feel less credible just because she hadn’t married.

The girlfriend has been through a court case with her ex - hardly the time to be making legal bonds that may affect the outcome of that case.

@QuickAzureBee Cut your losses after one last conversation with other your girlfriend. Tell her how you worked three jobs to support her and her children. If she is unwilling to accept a more equal split then as hard as it is I‘d use the time she is away to move out and leave her to it. She doesn’t seem to give a second thought to your little boy or yourself so throw this one back!

Thank your lucky stars you didn’t marry her - I hadn’t seen that post. She will get her equity and then an equal share at best of the surplus. She’s a gold digger.

Your suggestion of each having back what you put in and splitting the equity sounds very reasonably and what I would normally suggest to be morally right.

In this case though, if you paid £25K for her legal fees, then a 50/50 split of the sale would seem fairer. If it is owned jointly then she agreed to a 50/50 split the minute she signed that paperwork.

It is sad for you that it has ended up like this, but if she won't discuss a fairer split of expenses, especially with her having more DC then there is no future.

@QuickAzureBee thanks for clarifying the status. I understand now. The point remains you can't sell without her permission which I guess you are hoping she will give?

Are you joint tenants or tenants in common?

You sound very reasonable. I wouldn’t feel guilty about all her ‘you’ll get a mortgage easier than me’, the answer is ‘I’d need less of one if I hadn’t foolishly paid 25k of your legal fees, and I wouldn’t need one at all if you weren’t only in this relationship for what you can get out of it so you chose these consequences.’
im sorry your son got shafted on the bedrooms, I hope he enjoys having a double room in his new place.

Joint tenants.

Good call.
She has shown her hand clearly.
That's a blessing.

Get legal advice as to what will happen if she refuses to sell.
You could be paying rent for months.
What about a morgage holiday.
I would check your options out carefully before you move out.
It might be better to stay put.
With you gone she is under zero pressure to co operate.
Are you paying all the utilities?
If you are, stop.
Take a reading, same with council tax.

I'd be reluctant to move out. She will have zero incentive to co-operate re a house sale.

Yes I pay all the bills. Utilities and everything. She goes away tomorrow so before I move out I will get legal advice. Thank you for the advise. If I stop paying the utilities which is all in my name I don't want it to affect my credit score and put me at risk of not getting a mortgage once I get out of this mess.

My back is killing from sleeping on the sofa 😂

Absolutely get legal advice for your responsibilities after moving out.

You certainly shouldn't be responsible for 100% of the mortgage and bills. You should be able to contact utility companies and say you have moved as well as Council Tax.

If you do ever decide to buy property with someone again please get advice on owning as joint tenants vs tenants in common. If you dropped down dead today your son would get nothing from the house.

If you insist on moving out, then contact the utilities companies to see can you give a reading and no longer be responsible.
Email her pictures of the figures.

Do not pay when you no longer live there.
You need to get legal advice asap as to what your position is now that you have split up.
You need to be saving your money.

Joint tenants / that was a cock up wasn't it ? 😬