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Original poster

Is it strange to have your second wedding in the same venue as your first?

127 replies

pineapplepancake · 17/07/2024 14:32

Gathering opinions please!

My fiancé and booked our wedding about 6 months ago after mutually deciding on a venue that is special to us.

I've just found out that his wedding to his first wife was in the same place, having stumbled across an old wedding photo of his. It must have been a special place for him and his ex wife too! I haven't mentioned it as I don't know if I'm wrong in thinking it is strange to choose the same venue?

OP posts:
perfectcolourfound · 18/07/2024 11:35

I'm shocked he thought that was OK!

He didn't think to mention it to you? This 'special place' turned out to be special to him and his first wife, and he thought it was an OK place to marry you? All his friends and family would be in on the history he has with the place, but he intended to keep that a secret from you? There would no doubt be comments / jokes about all his weddings being there / he has a bulk discount, and you'd be either unaware or cringing about it.

Utterly thoughtless behaviour.

FunIsland · 18/07/2024 11:44

Procrastinates · 18/07/2024 11:31

Really? How would it not have crossed his mind? Surely that would be one of the first things anyone would think of if your other half said hey let's get married at the gardens and you'd already done that?

I really hope everything works out ok but the fact he didn't share that information and seemingly had no intention of doing so would have me honestly wondering what else he wasn't telling me.

Show quote history

Because not everyone thinks the same way, it’s entirely possible that his first wedding never crossed his mind.

I said upthread that I said to my husband that I didn’t want to get married on the same date as his first wedding, he can’t remember when that was, although with some prompting he thought it might have been September. I have no idea where he got married first time, even after 25 years of marriage, the subject has never come up. As far as he’s concerned it’s in the past and other than two lovely kids it’s not something which he ever thinks about without being directly asked.

There is no malice or deception in it, it just doesn’t cross his mind.

Mostlycarbon · 18/07/2024 12:05

That is weird and very weird that he didn't mention it.

BananaLambo · 18/07/2024 13:08

On the other hand, maybe he thought, ‘Well, I know this place will serve decent food and have a well stocked bar’ 😂😂😂

Seas164 · 18/07/2024 16:13

You might want to check he's not booked the same honeymoon suite OP, look out.

roses321 · 18/07/2024 16:15

Er no. Weird.

TheHuntSyndicate · 18/07/2024 19:22

It's weird that he never mentioned that's where he got married before.

That would be the first thing anyone would say when discussing venues, wouldn't it?

'Oh yeah, that is a lovely place but that's where I got married before.'

Original poster
pineapplepancake · 18/07/2024 19:53

TheHuntSyndicate · 18/07/2024 19:22

It's weird that he never mentioned that's where he got married before.

That would be the first thing anyone would say when discussing venues, wouldn't it?

'Oh yeah, that is a lovely place but that's where I got married before.'

Yes, my thoughts exactly! But he didn't think to do that. If he had said that I would have laughed and said 'not there then!', and we could have carried on with ideas. But no, he actually said, 'that's perfect!'. I asked him in response if he had any other ideas and he said he couldn't think of anywhere more perfect.

OP posts:
Procrastinates · 18/07/2024 19:57

pineapplepancake · 18/07/2024 19:53

Yes, my thoughts exactly! But he didn't think to do that. If he had said that I would have laughed and said 'not there then!', and we could have carried on with ideas. But no, he actually said, 'that's perfect!'. I asked him in response if he had any other ideas and he said he couldn't think of anywhere more perfect.

Show quote history

The more you post the more I wonder what else he is keeping from you.

It's honestly such a strange response and the fact at no point did he consider telling you is completely mental!

betterangels · 18/07/2024 19:59

pineapplepancake · 18/07/2024 19:53

Yes, my thoughts exactly! But he didn't think to do that. If he had said that I would have laughed and said 'not there then!', and we could have carried on with ideas. But no, he actually said, 'that's perfect!'. I asked him in response if he had any other ideas and he said he couldn't think of anywhere more perfect.

Show quote history

He's being very weird.

RenegadeMasterx · 18/07/2024 20:00

Yes - very odd!!!

Thirstysue · 21/07/2024 17:20

Extremely weird. And it needs addressing. Like today.

LanaL · 21/07/2024 17:25

Very odd. I get that maybe it was a place you liked and he didn’t want to tarnish it for you , but this is a big thing . He knows that all his family will know and so most people there - except you , THE BRIDE, will know that he married his first wife there . He really should have said something before you booked .

I would feel uncomfortable…. But if it’s special to you then you can make new memories there , don’t let it tarnish your day . I remember wanting the exact opposite type of dress to my husbands ex wife ( a woman thing maybe ) … and I looked at every style possible but , ultimately , the dress I fell in love with was very similar in style - a fishtail - but as soon as I saw myself in it , all thoughts of the ex went out the window !

I highly doubt it’s anything untoward or deliberate , but I imagine it’s something that snowballed - he didn’t tell you it’s where he married her when it first because special to you two and then when it reached the point that you were booking the wedding there , he felt like it was too late to say .

Xmasdaft2023 · 21/07/2024 17:34

Very strange!! My fave venue was where my H got married to his 1st wife… we did not get married there!

ChubSeedsYorkie · 21/07/2024 17:39

It seems odd that he didn’t mention it to you surely as soon as the venue came up in conversation any normal person would’ve said.

hookiewookie29 · 21/07/2024 17:41

pineapplepancake · 17/07/2024 16:42

I'm really not looking forward to this conversation. The wedding is next year but we've paid all the deposits and booked the registrar and photographer. I'd be happy with just a registry office anyway, just the two of us and witnesses. He wanted a bigger 'do' because he has a large family and friend group. Who all will have, as many of you mentioned, been to the first wedding.

....and many of them will be making the joke of " Oh, haven't we been here before? Lol!"
And " Hope this one lasts longer than the other one did!"
I'd be cancelling it!

StormingNorman · 21/07/2024 17:46

Cue all the Deja vu jokes from his friends and family.

This would give me major ick vibes. He took you to his ex’s special place and made it your special place too. It’s like he slotted her out and you in.

Seriously, I would be questioning everything.

Justus6 · 21/07/2024 17:55

Strange he didn't mention it.

ChocolateTea · 21/07/2024 18:03

My husband and I got married this year, we’ve both been married before. First thing that was struck off the list was venues, colourschemes, outfit styles from either of our previous weddings. I didn’t want to walk down the aisle under any shadow.

im really surprised your fiancé didn’t mention he married there before, or that the conversation hadn’t come up at any point? Granted we had been together a decade before our wedding but we had had conversations in that time about our previous weddings.

JillMW · 21/07/2024 18:08

Yes! I went to a wedding like this. The second wife’s dress was virtually the same as the first. The men all had the same outfits.
On the way there I suddenly thought “ onmg I have the same shoes on I bought for his first wedding” but it seemed they did not care. I think it was done deliberately to upset the first wife, and tbh it has put me right off the couple. Beware as I am sure guests might think you have done this out of spite.
Much love, a terrible predicament for you.

beanii · 21/07/2024 18:21

Very odd and even more odd that he never mentioned it 🤷🏻‍♀️

Make a great speech for the best man though - welcome back for the second episode.....

Findinganewme · 21/07/2024 20:45

Think you’re gonna have to do more than just talk to him! It is distasteful to have your wedding in the same place as his first, but hu didn’t he say anything? Imagine if you’d gone and got married there without knowing , but his friends and family would all know…and probably be wondering what the heck is going on? No.

HebburnPokemon · 21/07/2024 20:48

Why did they split up?

BarrenBachelor · 22/07/2024 00:26

It sounds like a set-up for a suspense movie. You definitely need to ask him why he didn’t inform you of this detail about the location.

IHabeNoIdea · 22/07/2024 06:56

I used to work at a wedding venue and this was not as unusual as you'd think! Personally thought it was wired.