Is it strange to have your second wedding in the same venue as your first?

[pineapplepancake]

Gathering opinions please!

My fiancé and booked our wedding about 6 months ago after mutually deciding on a venue that is special to us.

I've just found out that his wedding to his first wife was in the same place, having stumbled across an old wedding photo of his. It must have been a special place for him and his ex wife too! I haven't mentioned it as I don't know if I'm wrong in thinking it is strange to choose the same venue?

Ahh, sorry - I see you’ve updated. Your solution is good.

I wouldn't!

Phew ! Well done op. If I was a friend of your DH I would be laughing my head off about having the same place as the last wedding.

what on earth was he thinking? Men are so strange

A friend of mine is a registrar, she turned up at a wedding to officiate and she and the bride took one look at each other and went ‘uh, oh!’. My friend had married the bride, first time around. Fortunately my friend has a great sense of humour and managed to reassure the bride (and groom) and all went well.

If you hadn't asked him, he wouldn't have told you, from the sound of things. I find that more worrying than the booking tbh.

Agreed. It's the part I find oddest too. The fact is he knew it was weird otherwise he would have told you when you booked the venue. He didn't tell you and he would never have said anything which would definitely give me pause for thought about his ability to lie to me (albeit in this case by omission).

That would give me the ick so fast!

I’d find the lie more worrying than the actual venue part. But thinking it through I can sort of see why, if you’d said you wanted to marry there as it’s where you met, that he might think he didn’t want to spoil the memory of where you’d first met, and it’s importance to you. You can’t change the place you first met (presumably he didn’t take all his first dates to his old wedding venue to see if they liked it!). By telling you he’d got married there he would have tainted the memory of your first date, and then it just sort of spiralled. But I’d be hugely unimpressed I must say.

Very strange and I would expect the guests to think so too.

I just think he didn’t think it was important.

OP, I reckon that in a few years this will be a funny story about what an idiot your husband can be

If he didn't think it was important surely he would have mentioned it? The fact he didn't suggests he knew this would be considered weird otherwise he would have said something.

Thank goodness you've sorted things out OP. I hope you don't lose too much money on the deposits though. Good luck finding a new venue, wherever it is, at least it will be just yours! What's your fella like! 😂

I really hope you're right. He's the loveliest person. I always said I wasn't that fussed about having a 'big day' and just wanted to be married to him. That said, I was hugely looking forward to it. We were hoping for wonderful day to remember and always look back on. Hopefully we'll find something else, but I'm feeling really sad about it this morning, and we need to make all the calls to cancel it all, horrible!

The fact that he signed the paperwork and paid the deposits and not only felt that was reasonable, also felt it was ok not to tell you, is absolutely wild. It says to me that he doesn't have much capacity for empathy or to understand how you might be feeling. Tread carefully.

I wonder if your love for the venue and its significance for you sort of clouded his judgment plus it was a different building. I know my DH would absolutely be affected by my excitement for something.
Also I can’t imagine a man thinking about an event in terms how the main photograph would look like, unless he was a professional photographer for the event. Call me sexist but I just can’t. Imo men in general are less imaginative and sensitive to these little details than women. You looked at the venue, it ticked these and these practical boxes, you liked it - and that was it for him. it shows the differences of your approaches in life imo so I would just focus on learning from this experience.

Just asked my DH about it out of the interest and he said that mentioning the first wedding when you looked at the venue would be really weird from his point of view. It’s absolutely different now and if the venue is right for both of you, it’s the main thing. Thats the example of man thinking.
Mind you I would be thinking the same as you.

I once went to a wedding that was a carbon-copy of the bride’s first wedding. Same chapel, same vicar, same reception venue, same photographer, same bridesmaids. Same honeymoon destination.

It was so weird.

Literally all that was different was the groom.

@pizzaHeart thank you! I am absolutely sure you are right about this. He just didn't think it would be an issue so didn't mention it. Still hurts though, but hopefully all will be ok.

I have a friend who did this, she had got married in the same venue several years previously, pretty much everyone thought it was odd,

Good update.

I have a friend who lives in the house her husband brought with his first fiance (never married, but I’m guessing lived there together). I find that weird.

I don't think it's weird. Unless you also look like his ex. I have a friend who got divorced (not her choice) and married a man who looked almost identical. I still call him by the wrong name half the time.

Well no, because it wouldn’t even have crossed his mind potentially.

That’s really sad; I’d make him do it though if I were you, to teach him a lesson for being an idiot 😉

Really? How would it not have crossed his mind? Surely that would be one of the first things anyone would think of if your other half said hey let's get married at the gardens and you'd already done that?

I really hope everything works out ok but the fact he didn't share that information and seemingly had no intention of doing so would have me honestly wondering what else he wasn't telling me.

It's very 'bloke' isn't it. It's a nice venue, pics were good first time round, jobs a good one.