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Original poster

Is it strange to have your second wedding in the same venue as your first?

127 replies

pineapplepancake · 17/07/2024 14:32

Gathering opinions please!

My fiancé and booked our wedding about 6 months ago after mutually deciding on a venue that is special to us.

I've just found out that his wedding to his first wife was in the same place, having stumbled across an old wedding photo of his. It must have been a special place for him and his ex wife too! I haven't mentioned it as I don't know if I'm wrong in thinking it is strange to choose the same venue?

OP posts:
ClonedSquare · 17/07/2024 16:25

I would really not be happy about this. I can't believe at no point during the decision making did he mention it was his first wedding venue. That's actually appalling. He has the emotional intelligence of a brick.

Does it have significance to you as a couple, other than being where you met? If it does, it's very insensitive that he allowed that to happen without mentioning it being his original wedding venue.

KatiesMumWoof · 17/07/2024 16:26

No way would I get married there, but my bigger issue would be that he's lying by omission, not telling you.

id be concerned about what else he omitted to tell me.

Coconutter24 · 17/07/2024 16:27

No way, he clearly likes the venue but nope not after already getting married there.

ThePoshUns · 17/07/2024 16:30

Very odd that he didn't mention he got married there before

PaleSunshineOfHope · 17/07/2024 16:36

It's a bit weird, but maybe he has forgotten where he got married first time round.

Comedycook · 17/07/2024 16:42

I think it's more indicative that he is not that fussed or interested in wedding planning than anything else. I think a lot of women put a lot of meaning and thought into stuff like this and are assuming men do too. Although you know him best op so I could be wrong.

Original poster
pineapplepancake · 17/07/2024 16:42

I'm really not looking forward to this conversation. The wedding is next year but we've paid all the deposits and booked the registrar and photographer. I'd be happy with just a registry office anyway, just the two of us and witnesses. He wanted a bigger 'do' because he has a large family and friend group. Who all will have, as many of you mentioned, been to the first wedding.

OP posts:
WanOvaryKenobi · 17/07/2024 16:44

What was he thinking...

'Welcome back everyone - I'm sure you found your way again -you know the drill by now!'

Very sorry for you OP though, this is...bizarre.

bonzaitree · 17/07/2024 16:44

What was he thinking OP?

Is be FURIOUS.

DaisyChain505 · 17/07/2024 16:44

Why are you not concerned that he kept this from you?

if he’s willing to lie and hide that, what else will he?

LilacRaven · 17/07/2024 18:07

I think it's a bit embarrassing, inviting all his family to the same venue for a second time....

I would be livid he didn't say anything before you agreed on it. What else does he not mention.....

Coastering · 17/07/2024 18:10

Mighty strange. Also odd that his special place with you is the same as ex, or the place they got married. I think it would have me questioning everything.

sentfrmmyiphone · 17/07/2024 18:15

many moons ago i was engaged to a man who had been married before and we started looking at venues, and settled on a lovely place... for one reason and another (turned out he was gay!) we went our seperate ways..

i admit i kept a track on him, and a few years later i saw he did marry (a woman) and he married her at the venue we were supposed to be marrying at!

it turns out, it was also the same venue he married his first wife!

i guessed he must really have liked that venue

Seas164 · 17/07/2024 18:16

Does he get a discount at the venue or something? Imagine having a re run of your first wedding with all your friends and family there just a different bride.

Also how do you get to the point of booking a wedding with someone who's been previously married without it ever having come up in conversation where he did it the first time?

Simonjt · 17/07/2024 18:19

I know someone who did this, and his brother did the same best mans speech and just changed the brides name.

To be fair, my engagement and wedding ring are the ones my ex fiance bought me, I didn’t see the point in wasting money on new ones.

BobbyBiscuits · 17/07/2024 18:19

It's not strange for you to choose it as you'd no clue. It's a bit weird he didn't say, but I guess he didn't want to spoil it for you?
If he actively encouraged/picked it and you never heard of it before then it's a bit off. A lot off in fact.

Sarvanga24 · 17/07/2024 18:24

Maybe he gets a stamp for every wedding and will get the tenth one free, like in Costa coffee.

🤣

At least he won’t get lost …

(Hopefully he’s just clueless, OP, and thought ‘oh, it was nice last time, I like the food …!)

Punkrockprincess · 17/07/2024 18:42

pineapplepancake · 17/07/2024 15:11

Thank you all. It's a garden that has buildings that are licensed for weddings. It was a special place for me for years before we met, and it's also where we first met, introduced in a group of mutual friends. It seemed the obvious choice for our venue.

From what I can see he and his first wife got married in a different building in the same garden. The photo backdrops would be the same as it's obviously the same garden. I think (Hope) the reception venue is also different, but I'm not sure, I'll need to ask him.

Pavilion Gardens op?

NerdyBird · 17/07/2024 18:47

It's odd. And even if you haven't sent out invitations surely it's been mentioned to family and friends where it is, and none of them have said anything either?

Is he having a best man do a speech? I'd be worried the whole thing would be jokes about it being the same place!

chicke09 · 17/07/2024 18:48

🚩

LivingDeadGirlUK · 17/07/2024 18:50

To give him the benefit of the doubt you say this is a really special place for you and he obviously liked it too, does he just want you to get the venue you want?

Original poster
pineapplepancake · 18/07/2024 08:14

Thank you for all your replies. We talked, he thought it would be ok as it's a different part of the same venue and his first wedding was a long time ago. I could sort of see his point but the same background for the photos was the thing I had a problem with. I said he must have had those photos up in the house throughout his marriage, and didn't he thing that was strange for us to be in the same place? Only one of his friends had commented on it being in the same place, but we hadn't sent out save the dates or anything yet, just told friends and family our plans.

We're going to cancel, we'll lose the deposits we've paid but trying to look on the bright side, at least we hadn't paid the full balances or booked catering or entertainment before I found out.

Thank you again.

OP posts:
BananaLambo · 18/07/2024 08:22

It’s odd that he didn’t mention it. On one hand, if it’s something like the local registry office and then everyone goes over to the Brewer's Fayre because that’s all there is in the town that would be understandable. If it’s a stunning fairytale castle near Inverness and everyone has to travel 8 hours to get there then that would be very strange.

ThirtyAll · 18/07/2024 08:23

Well done. When you say cancel, I assume you mean cancel the venue but you are still getting married?

EdwardGrey · 18/07/2024 08:23

Lol at brewers fayre

id worry about marrying someone who didn’t tell you this!!