Boyfriend’s tv crush

[Fictionalcharacter28]

**just to start by saying I realise this is a very minor issue but interested in what people think

I’ve been with my partner for around 6 months, going really well so far - he’s loving and respectful and generally a great person

we’ve been watching a tv show together that he loves and I also enjoy. He’s also made several (lighthearted) references that he ‘loves’ the main female character - who is very attractive and also very different in appearance to me. I get the sense a large part of the reason he likes this show so much (second time watching) is because of his attraction to the main character - and much as I want to be totally fine with this, I have started to feel a bit weird/insecure when watching. Something about watching this other (admittedly fictional) woman he’s attracted to that feels a bit masochistic, and I’m tempted to suggest we watch a different series instead. But I know he’d then be curious why I’ve suddenly gone off the show, and I’m not sure how helpful it would be to bring up my feelings on this when it’s undoubtedly a me problem? Should I:

1. get over myself and watch the show (I do enjoy it!)
2. pretend I just don’t like it anymore and suggest something else
3. have an honest conversation and accept I’m going to sound a bit whiny

Well I think it would make me uncomfortable. It's one thing for him to find her attractive but another to keep sharing this information with you.
I wouldn't be happy sitting there while he gawps at another woman he fancied, albeit on the tv screen.
I think I would go down the route of having a conversation with him about how his obvious attraction to this woman is disrespectful to you.

Give it back to him. Watch something with a male actor you like and comment how much you, “love” him. See how he likes it. He prob won’t but women are meant to sit there like good little girls and eat it when men talk about how amazing and attractive other women are. And I’m not buying the, “it shouldn’t bother you because you should be secure in yourself” bull because I believe that’s something we’ve been taught to minimise women’s feelings once again. If it was just a passing comment stating he thought she was attractive, fair enough but it sounds like it was a bit more than that, and that’s not cool.

*I may be being a little petty atm as I have had it with men.

This is helpful thank you! Good to hear I’m not being entirely irrational

You’re so right there feels like a real gender imbalance here! Thank you!!

Put on Vikings of Valhalla and make lots of appreciative comments.

This made me laugh! Looks like a great show as well🤣

Who's the actress?

I want to know too 👀

Do you watch any shows with gorgeois men who are emotionally available and passionate and etc etc etc? He probably thinks he’s making a joke, or he genuinely enjoys her acting, or he fancies her. Who cares?! We all do it. I don’t think it’s a problem. Definitely do it back though. If nothing else, it can be quite fun to flirt a bit making each other fleetingly jealous in a totally non threatening and silly way.

It’s Gina Rodriguez (Jane the virgin!) - so I get it, she’s totally gorgeous!

Thanks for this perspective that’s an interesting point! We haven’t actually watched much together yet (newish relationship and I’m not a big tv watcher) but this might help!

Personally, I think this is one of those 'shark cage' moments - pushing you to see what you'll accept.

What about when he tells you a woman down the pub is gorgeous and that's why he wants to go there? Or one of your friends is 'sexy'?

You'll get women telling you that they don't mind and they laugh about it with their partner and it makes them closer and their relationship stronger. I've seen all of those on MN and I'm not buying it.

How can being told your partner loves, fancies, wants to shag someone else going to make your relationship stronger?

I also disagree with giving him a taste of his own medicine. Yeah, that's a great way to conduct a relationship - trying to intentionally make your partner feel insecure.

We all know and accept our partner will find other people attractive. Rubbing their face in it is not cool in either side.

Definitely do it back though. If nothing else, it can be quite fun to flirt a bit making each other fleetingly jealous in a totally non threatening and silly way.

Fucking hell.

It's hardly loving and cherishing behaviour is it? It's immature and pointless.

Oh OP, I can so relate!

I used to think I would never feel jealous about a partner or potential partner’s crushes, but I am getting to know someone atm who is a FWB (so not even a boyfriend!) and he’s open about who he fancies and each and every woman is curvy, tall, and oozes sex appeal - basically the exact opposite to me: skinny, petite, athletic.

He also said something like “I’ve dated skinny women before” as if to suggest it’s a rare occurrence and that I’m not his usual type. Bastard.

I am very confident and comfortable in my own skin… but somehow this really bothers me! 😂

While I understand the sentiment, I think some men want a reaction and we shouldn’t give them the satisfaction.

With my guy, I just completely ignore the comments, as if I haven’t heard them.

😂 my DH and I like to be playful, as part of loving and cherishing each other. Keeps things spicy! 😉 I’ll point out though, that we are always kind and respectful of each other, so we are both v confident in our relationship. Perhaps six months in isn’t “there” yet to be fair!

I'd go option 1. As my dd says, every show has at least 1 attractive young female casr I it.

Break up with him. He should know from his own emotional intelligence and heart that saying this is insensitive he is either too dumb or too cruel, there is no hope for either. Saying put on a show with hot men who look different to him and make him jealous is very silly and won't work because he will never get it in fact he will think he is justified even more to continue because he does it and has no problem with it.
A lot of compromise in a relationship isn't about well if i don't like x then she wouldn't like that either. No, that is nonsense. A nice person would not do x because they know their partner doesn't like it irrespective of whether they personally mind, it's about how the other feels. This is like how many men justify oggling at other women or porn, 'well i don't mind if she looks so why is she saying I can't?!
That mentality is too selfish and emotionally stunted to get it. Don't lower yourself to manipulative tactics it will only make you feel worse and accept he just is not the man for you, he might be the man for a non jealous, "cool girlfriend" who is bisexual and voyeuristic.

I couldn't care less who my husband looks at on the tv. They're not real.
I also have tv crushes... but I know I'm never going to meet them.

Interesting to see such a range of opinions, thanks everyone! I do wonder if part of it is that I feel like he’s attracted to her (the fictional character’s) personality as well as physical appearance, which feels like more of an issue than if he just thought she was hot! Particularly as while there are certainly actors/characters I find attractive, I’m not sure there are any I’d describe myself as in love with!

Huh? You're threatened because he finds an actress attractive.? Sorry, I just don't get it.

You admit yourself that she's gorgeous. I'd probably respond with "She's so hot. I totally would"!

I certainly would not worry about it. But if he kept on going on about how fit she was it would distract me from the plot and dialogue!
There are loads of actors of both sexes that most people would gleefully leap into bed with if the opportunity arose! But obviously it never would. Pity really. We can dream though, eh?

It depends on what form the appreciation takes and what else you know.

You’re right it shouldn’t mean anything - no more than a woman preferring a bigger dick than what her partner has - but it can in some contexts.

It’s natural to feel a bit miffed at essentially being told you’re not your partner’s ‘type’.

Same here. Had number of chats with partners saying xyz is quite fit and vice versa. Not competing or making the other feel bad. Just a bit of a joke. If it upsets you tell him, if he loves you he would apologise and stop.

If it helps, my XH had a crush on a tv celebrity whilst we were married. Blonde, tall, slim - exactly like me at the time, so I found it amusing and that he obviously had a 'type'. He used to go on about her all the time, how hot she was.

After we divorced, he remarried. To a petite Asian lady. He probably thought that was a safer bet after being married to me!