Boyfriend’s tv crush

[Fictionalcharacter28]

**just to start by saying I realise this is a very minor issue but interested in what people think

I’ve been with my partner for around 6 months, going really well so far - he’s loving and respectful and generally a great person

we’ve been watching a tv show together that he loves and I also enjoy. He’s also made several (lighthearted) references that he ‘loves’ the main female character - who is very attractive and also very different in appearance to me. I get the sense a large part of the reason he likes this show so much (second time watching) is because of his attraction to the main character - and much as I want to be totally fine with this, I have started to feel a bit weird/insecure when watching. Something about watching this other (admittedly fictional) woman he’s attracted to that feels a bit masochistic, and I’m tempted to suggest we watch a different series instead. But I know he’d then be curious why I’ve suddenly gone off the show, and I’m not sure how helpful it would be to bring up my feelings on this when it’s undoubtedly a me problem? Should I:

1. get over myself and watch the show (I do enjoy it!)
2. pretend I just don’t like it anymore and suggest something else
3. have an honest conversation and accept I’m going to sound a bit whiny

I wouldn't be too bothered about this . It's all fiction and she is a character . At least he has been honest. However I very much doubt he is only watching the show because he finds the lead character attractive. That can't be his only motivation . Surely he would get a bit bored even if he does fancy her ?
I fancy plenty of celebrities but I couldn't sit through several seasons of a tv show just to catch a glimpse.

I think if he respects you in every other way then maybe just tell him to keep his comments to himself and leave it at that.

We are all going to find other people attractive at some point in our lives and you can't ban him from watching TV etc.

If he was following loads of half naked woman on his socials and being a bit pervy around your friends and other females then that's a different matter. It's more about his actions and how he conducts himself in a relationship that's the key point I think. And I would let this one slip ...

Why does being honest about your feelings = 'sounding whiny'?

People telling you to give him a taste of his own medicine don't know what a healthy relationship is, and nor do those advising you to minimise or ignore your feelings, and 'let it go'.

Tell him how you feel. We're allowed to have parts of us that are uncomfortable with things, even if the things are harmless. Being able to be honest and vulnerable about those things is where real intimacy gets a chance to enter your relationship. How nice would it be if he listens to and respects your feelings? And if not, he's telling you something about himself that you really need to know before getting any closer to him: that he doesn't listen to or respect your feelings.

I would very much play him at his own game tbh just to see how he like it.

I recommend Sons of Anarchy, Jax is completely gorgeous 😍 if you like blondes. Or The Gentlemen if you prefer them dark.

I would very much play him at his own game tbh just to see how he like it

School playground method that adults have grown out of @Fictionalcharacter28 .

I agree with you. It's the same with these 'hall passes'. Completely infantile yet the perfect vehicle to destroy a relationship.

I think that admiring someone on TV is harmless, talking about it isn't. It really isn't. I don't care how 'settled' somebody says they are and how devoted the partner, putting the idea out there that they are not the only one is just inviting trouble.

When person on TV becomes person at work or person who doesn't live far away, what then? I mean, it's harmless to declare crushes, isn't it? The rest is just geography.

'You don't love her, you don't even know her, you just think she's hot and would like to shag her - and I'm bored of hearing about it,'

When we were younger OH had his background on his pc as Lillian Gish because he thought she was pretty. Never bothered me. Once the children came along Lillian Gish was kicked into touch and it was them on the screen.

(He had pictures of me as his screensaver).

So you don't actually know he's attracted to her? You're just assuming?

I can think of plenty of female characters (I'm male) that I've said I "love" to my DP, I don't fancy any of them. Just thinking of shows I'm watching at the moment -

Schitts Creek - I love Catherine O'Haras character Moira, she's absolutely hilarious. I'm not attracted to her though, while she's a beautiful woman, she's a bit out of my age range.

Buffy - I love Anya, but she's probably the least attractive woman on the show to me. Hell, DP would have more to worry about if I bumped into James Masters!

Orphan Black - Tatiana Maslany plays at least 5 different characters (they're clones). She plays them all brilliantly, but the one I absolutely love is Helena. She's the same woman, so we can ignore that I fancy her, and I wouldn't want to go out with her, she's absolutely nuts!

Talking of nuts, lets go one step further.

Dexter - I love John Lithgows character. It's an outstanding performance. Would I want to be in the same room as him? God, no, I'd rather not be on the same planet! This character has entirely ruined Third Rock from the Sun for me, because I now can't see John Lithgow as anything other than a deeply creepy individual. I love the character though.

All of this.

If you havent seen it already watch Outlander together, a great series and Jamie is perfection in looks and character. You will find plenty to enjoy there so make sure you let your partner know!

So you were ok with it. What's the relevance? Should OP feel like you did? Or should she be having and respecting her own feelings?

I’d be pissed off too but I can’t imagine any of the men I knew taking that conversation well 😂

My ex had a tv crush but never said it. I found him Googling her one day (I'm posting this lightheartedly as it's funny in hindsight). We used to rewatch the show she was in but after I discovered the crush, I felt weird watching it!

I'd rather a TV crush than a real life one and I have to admit to having a few TV crushes myself

Jane the virgin was a great series, I think there's no harm in continuing to watch it. There are also plenty of good-looking men in that to comment on, so don't hold back. I'd say something like " she's punching with her love interest, he's lush" Lay it on thick and get all enthusiastic about the series, see how he likes those onions 😉

Stunned at some of these answers, honestly this is about you being jealous and insecure. Over Jane the blinking virgin of all people. I couldn’t get worked up if my husband said he fancied someone on the tv. Christ I say shit Like that all the time. We watched gladiator last week and I commented the Russel crowe was really hot in it. I really like Gerald butler movies, even though they are all shite, as I like Gerald butler, even on Sunday late we watched kingsmen and I commented there was something attractive about Ralph fiennes.

I thought everyone did stuff like that. Doesn’t mean you’re fantasying or comparing;

I think it’s completely normal for people to have celebrity crushes, but it’s a bit childish for him to go on about it like a love struck teenager. To comment once is normal, but to go on and on suggests he’s either a bit
immature or deliberately trying to make you feel insecure.

There's a respectful way to appreciate someone's attractiveness. It sounds like he has not done that. Its ok for him to admit he finds her attractive but if he does in a sleazy way or keeps going on about it then its just weird and inappopriate. Its actually quite immature too.

I thought everyone did stuff like that.

Tbh, I don't.

I find Tom Hardy attractive, so what? It's not as though I'll ever meet him or be with him. It's the same for your bloke. Yes, you do sound whiny

That about sums it up!

Exactly. How is "I really want to shag that other person" a positive contribution to any relationship?

This is a good point, I can totally believe he enjoys the show in its own right as well as just fancying the main character (i agree it’s a good show!)

also just to clarify totally wouldn’t suggest he stops watching it, just perhaps no longer have it as our go-to show to watch together (we don’t live together so he’d have plenty of time to watch without me)

@Fictionalcharacter28 maybe have a chat with him and let him know it makes you feel a little uncomfortable. Your feelings are valid . But I don't think he has done it to be nasty or anything. Maybe just a bit silly on his part

So I’m sort of inferring that he’s attracted to her, but on the basis of ‘I love her’/‘she’s the best’/long strings of heart eye emojis whenever she comes up. So (happy to be disagreed with here) but attraction did feel like a fair conclusion? This is a helpful perspective though, thanks!