Boyfriend’s tv crush

[Fictionalcharacter28]

**just to start by saying I realise this is a very minor issue but interested in what people think

I’ve been with my partner for around 6 months, going really well so far - he’s loving and respectful and generally a great person

we’ve been watching a tv show together that he loves and I also enjoy. He’s also made several (lighthearted) references that he ‘loves’ the main female character - who is very attractive and also very different in appearance to me. I get the sense a large part of the reason he likes this show so much (second time watching) is because of his attraction to the main character - and much as I want to be totally fine with this, I have started to feel a bit weird/insecure when watching. Something about watching this other (admittedly fictional) woman he’s attracted to that feels a bit masochistic, and I’m tempted to suggest we watch a different series instead. But I know he’d then be curious why I’ve suddenly gone off the show, and I’m not sure how helpful it would be to bring up my feelings on this when it’s undoubtedly a me problem? Should I:

1. get over myself and watch the show (I do enjoy it!)
2. pretend I just don’t like it anymore and suggest something else
3. have an honest conversation and accept I’m going to sound a bit whiny

I'd tell him you can appreciate she's attractive and you're not bothered that he fancies her but that constantly mentioning it every time you watch it is really immature. Just say I heard you the first time pal, keep it to yourself now x

PeepChirp - you'd break up with him, for finding someone else attractive? He's selfish and mentally stunted?

I find this mindset so peculiar... we all find others attractive - he's voicing it because she is completely unobtainable, not because he's thinking he's in with any sort of chance!

I would just talk to him, OP - whilst I don't understand why you feel this way, if you can't be honest with your DP, it's not great for your future relationship.

I love Henry Cavill and watch The Tudors and The Witcher all the time. My DH takes the piss out of me while also joking that he finds Cavill attractive. It’s not a big deal at all.

I really like Gerald butler movies, even though they are all shite

😂

Gerald Butler was smokin when younger; he's become a paunchy, chubby cheeked, grizzly, greasy looking ..... Need I go on.

And he seems to have done the same film 20 times.

Interesting how you say he's respectful but his behaviour isn't

How he acts tells you who he is

I’d give him a taste of it.

Mine used to go on about a certain TV character until I made out that I fancied the architect George Clarke.

I picked him because a) who are we kidding, George Clarke is lush and b) he’s absolutely nothing like DH.

He hasn’t mentioned her since.

To you.

OP, you don't sound whiny to all of us! Keep in mind that if someone says you're being 'too something', it means you're being 'too something' for their liking, and that they are not the judge of your character, just a random opinion. We are all 'too something' for a lot of people, but it doesn't mean we should change; it means we should find people who like us the way we are, and keep our distance from those who criticise us.

You're allowed your feelings, regardless of other people's opinions on them.

But does he say 'I love her' like 'she's such a great character' or is he openly saying 'I want to have sex with her?

Why don't you just ask him? Are you still trying to make a good impression on him? Are you scared that your relationship isn't strong enough to bear 'Do you fancy her? I feel really uncomfortable when you talk about her'?

There’s nothing wrong with finding a celebrity attractive but I would feel uncomfortable if he kept commenting on it.

Yeah, my late husband used to drool over Jennifer Lopez, but I used to comment about sexy men. Harmless. 🙂

Nothing wrong with him finding someone attractive. But mentioning it is clangingly insensitive.

@BlueSlate Exactly.. it's a perfect path to causing insecurity, why do it?
No-one can compare to celebrities.. if a partner expresses attraction to their perfection then of course it makes you feel shit. I'd never do that to someone

It’s a character in a TV show that he fancies, not a real person. Surely you have those as well?

sorry but I can’t understand why this is even on your radar let alone an issue. If he was trying to get you to dress like her or behave like her or had a picture on his desk then yep that would be odd but really this is a non event.

I appreciate you’re only 6 months in, but this feels pretty rediculous. My husband and I have a “list” of famous people we can can screw without it being classed as cheating.

we’re great friends, we like to talk about stuff. Finding people attractive being one of them!

I thought that was totally normal behaviour. But please correct me
if im wrong! 😑

What a prick, bin him, I say! 🤣

I don't really think this is minor OR that he's particularly respectful.

I mean look, I have a massive massive crush on Iwan Rheon, I think he's drop dead gorgeous but at the same time, if I had a partner, I wouldn't be harping on about it all the time. The fact I would happily bang Iwan is between me, and me.

If I was asked, I would say he's hot.

It drives me literally batty that women come on these forums all day long and they're dealing with shitty behaviour and ALREADY apologising for it by the time they get here. "Maybe i'm being out of order" they say.

Are you though? I'm not saying it's relationship ending, but it's bloody rude, and why are you apologising for rudeness and defending his honour? He's being a knob! Fancy someone all you like, that's great, good for you, but you can also be respectful to your actual real life partner as well. It is possible with a bit of...respect.

Finding someone else attractive in itself is not an issue, particularly when it's someone totally unobtainable. My DH knows about my long-standing crush on an Aussie singer, and finds it laughable (!)
However, constantly pointing out that the person is attractive, etc. isn't so great in terms of behaviour. Sure, think it if you must, but no need at all to say it in front of your spouse. Particularly if they're also watching the same thing.

I have seriously never done this.

I just don't see how, "I'd shag that person regardless of the fact I'm with you; I'd prioritse having sex with that person over loyalty to you" could ever be part of a respectful relationship.

I think that what he has said isn't enough to pull him up on, but if it makes you uncomfortable you can just tell him that.

I think the problem isn't finding her attractive, but that his way of expressing it is making you feel uncomfortable. I am someone who doesn't find actors attractive at all, I sometimes find characters attractive - I had a big crush on Dale Cooper from Twin Peaks, and I think it's fine that this made a show I love anyway a little bit more enjoyable. But I wouldn't have told DP this and it just seems unnecessary.

Is the list real though, or just a bit of playful fantasy? I always assumed that the lists were a way to talk about celebrity crushes and bring that attraction into ones sex life, but on the background assumption that the opportunity would never actually materialise.

If your husband came home one day and said he'd actually had sex with someone on the list, would that seriously be fine - and if it would, I'm wondering why stop at celebrities, why not have an open marriage?

Hahahaha- I actually thought this was a joke at first until I read some comments.

Wow, I hadn’t realised this kind of jealous was a thing.
I am now hugely questioning myself & wondering if I should feel more jealous about these things?

The woman is on TV, no? He’s a human being that will find other’s attractive! I’m so confused by this….

Not helpful I know, but my DH used to have the biggest crush on Dawn French, 23 years later he left me for a short overweight older woman 😂😂

Same...with the understanding that if either of us did actually meet one of our idols in real life we would be either a) a tongue-tied blithering idiot incapable of seducing/being seduced, or b) totally disappointed by how normal/rude/stinky the celebrity is in real life.