Please help me. I'm a regular and I've just kicked out my husband....but gawd, I love him so much,,,

[pacificqueen]

but he totally betrayed my trust tonight and I don't know if I can forgive him

I have no family. My friends are everything to me. And tonight, he sat down and admitted he had read all my emails to my closest friends and I feel betrayed. though I NEVER said anything that would put him down, I did disclose certain personal information and he was a tad upset but I am more upset at my trust being betrayed. Why did he feel the need to do this? I love him but my friends are SO important to me as they are all I have and I like to think that what I say to them stays with them iyswim.

Why did you kick him out?

Is there a history with him invading your privacy?

Did you throw him out just because he read your emails to your friends? Or were there other reasons?

Why did he look?

Why did he tell you?

perhaps he feels a bit left out?

Maybe he was trying to get "inside your mind" so he could understand you a bit better?

I understand that you are feeling betrayed, but I really don't think that splitting up is the answer. He is your husband.

Did he explain to you why he had done it?

i undersatnd why you are upset (i get pissed off when dh reads my mn posts) but kicking him out is a bit of an over-reaction. why did he read them? is he jealous/insecure? are you having other problems?

Need more details because atm it seems like a pretty horrific over-reaction.

oh god morningpaper. You kinda know me too.

The thing is, I have a sort of horrific past. And I love my friends. He looked because he's been feeling insecure which is MY FAULT. I know. But I am not the jealous type at all. He is though. He looked because he was worried. He saw nothing that would concern him other than the fact that we (me and friends) were discussing some intimate (i.e. sexual) stuff. He has had issues in that department and I guess, wanted to see what I had said. I said NOTHING derogatory because I wouldn't but had, factually, explained our issues.

He is totally apologetic. I have kicked him out to get my head round it all because I am so fucked off.

god poor bloke

bit premenstrual are you?

you have a right to be upset but i think kicing him out may have been an over reaction.

does your email account have passwords on to make sure they are private? if so and he has hacked your account to gain access then it is a little more serious as trust has been inhialated. if not then they weren't really that private in the first place, maybe he didn't realise you were so secretive.

no I'm not prementstual .

I love him. He knows that. But I love my friends too. I have no family ggirl. I really have no-one other than those who are my friends and I'm really upset that he took it upon himself to read my mails and then challenge me about stuff I had written in them. I would never NEVER say anything about him that would put him in a bad light. I love him so much. But he seems to think I am taking every opportunity to do him down when I'm not.

so you told your friend intimate stuff about your dh - and you are angry with him because you feel he invaded your privacy??? Well don't get me wrong - looking at your e-mail was highly crap - men are highly crap - frequently - but it's not worth losing a marriage over. Ring him up and get him back in the house and start over tommorow.

seems completely over the top to kick him out of what I assume is his home as well

I agree you are over-reacting but it sounds like you have issues with your past that need addressing and that he has insecurity issues that he needs to address also. Instead of throwing him out you both need to talk to each other and maybe go to counselling seperately for each of your issues.

God that sounded so Oprah but ykwim.

was he upset with the content of your emails or was he trying to make it right?

aww pacificqueen poor you

I agree with northernlurker, it was a pretty crap thing to do but not really AWFUL

If your emails weren't passworded then maybe it was too easy and too much of a temptation for him, I'm sure we've all been tempted to snoop occasionally .

If it's so important to you, you should password protect them, then he won't be able to give in to temptation.

But really this ISN'T worth ending a relationship over. REALLY. Have you thought about some sort of counselling or neutral environment where you could discuss things?

he was upset with the content.

The thing is, he has a hugely brilliant relationship with his family and I really mean it when I have no family at all and he doesn't understand that at all.

He speaks to his family all the time... I speak to my friends. He just doesn't credit that iyswim.

This won't end the relationship but I needed some space to think about it. I find it hard dealing with jealous people because I am not jealous AT ALL iyswim and I find it hard to understand why he can't let me alone with my friends.

christ, you know the worst thing, if I posted in my real fucking name, this would be a whole different thread. Don't you dare fucking on me. Just shows you what mumsnet has become I suppose.

can't blame him for being upset but why did he look... "you need to talk"

DH doesnt feel the need to check my mails, but, I dont feel a need to keep secretive things so that's probably why.

Sounds like you are both having a tough time but you have really over-reacted and you need to make it right.

Why dont you post in your "real" name?

Why did you kick him out? I don't really get it. He looked at your posts and got upset and then you kicked him out for looking at your posts. Why?

ignore the , this place is weirdy today, you can't post without tripping over a pitchfork

He had no right to be upset with the content, you deserve your privacy and yes that includes discussing stuff with your friends.

I know what you mean about jealousy being hard to deal with, that is horrid. I know some people have HUGE jealousy issues.

Has he had counselling at all ever?

Where is he now?

oh there are reasons vv

I just want everything sorted. It's not like I've kissed goodbye to our relationship I'm just supremely fucked off, that's all. I just need some head space.

are your fiends more important than him? All women talk to their friends- I wouldn't discuss my sex life with "family" if you mean parents or siblings. Are you reacting like this because you feel guilty and have been caught doing something you knew he wouldn't approve of? Seems like you are making a big fuss over not a lot- and why didn't you have a password he couldn't use? Doesn't make sense if you are that keen to keep it secret.