In laws calling baby the wrong name

[AppleStrudel23]

I don't have close contact at all with my in laws and neither does my husband due to his narcissist step mother who started a smear campaign against me a few months ago (that's another story!)

Our first baby is due any day now and one of the flying monkeys has been in contact with my husband and asked when she's born, but called her by her middle name and not her first name. When my husband corrected him saying to use her first name he basically said no that's also her legal name. I know this sounds very bizarre but I've heard my in-laws do this before with one of their friends daughters to dominate them. They called her by middle name and not first and when corrected they said to us "I'll call her whatever I want to, I choose". So basically it's some weird power game.

Getting upset about it and arguing about it is what they want.. I just need someone to tell me me why it's good not to react! Reacting is what they want and they love it when we get upset, it fuels the fire. I'm just upset this game is already starting. Sorry if this isn't clear, I'm a bit tired and already annoyed by this!

I never understand why people remain in contact with freaks like this.
Block them all, live your life.
It really isn't that difficult.
You just choose YOU.

I'd just say that you don't mind what you call her as you obviously love both names.

Then don't even mention it or react when they do it again!

Have people read that the baby IS UNBORN as yet!!
It doesn't even have a name as yet- stop getting your knickers in a twist!

Only one way to nip this in the bud. Call the inlaw that misnames your baby, another name other than theirs. They'll soon get irritated you aren't using their name, and will back down. Seen it happen many times. They always back down when it's done to them. That's the way to stop it.

Your DH is right - it’s a dominance game. Just ignore it when they use the wrong name. Console yourself with the thought that every time they do it they’re taking another step away from your DD. She’ll know herself by the name you, her parents, call her and if you’re still in contact in the future she’ll wonder who these weirdos are who can’t get her name right.

You need to go No Contact with these people.

There is no other way.

You're dealing with someone really evil.

Agree with @OfficerChurlish

Tell them you are going to use the middle name.

Also call them by names that are not theirs.

“Oh nan, is that your dementia kicking in? Her names XXXX” 😂😂😂

You decide your baby's name and anyone who tries to change it can fuck off.

You will react but the trick is to not show it. Bake bread do you can work off your aggression and have something scummy at the end.

If anyone refuses to use that name inform them that they're obviously talking about a different child and need to leave yours alone. There will be more flying monkeys but they can be weeded out. They can't do any harm from a distance. MIL is angry because she's not getting her way. She will get angrier and nastier so be prepared. NC until she behaves.

The people who know and care for you will stand by you. The others can go hang.

Good luck and take care

Thank heavens you live several countries away from them! In your shoes I would not bother with them or their flying monkeys at all. Block, delete and enjoy your new baby when s/he arrives.
They do not deserve one iota of your attention. They can stew in their own toxicity!

Is there some reason you can't just go NC with the lot of them? Do any of the flying monkeys actually add anything positive to your lives?

If it's any comfort, my grandmother called me by a different name for an entire year as she didn't like the name my parents had chosen. Same initial but that was it.

She eventually got bored of it. In both scenarios, it's batshit and I'd just try desperately to ignore them.

Well if you look at it that way, everything is a reaction including no response. They are looking for an argument or fight and they simply won’t be able to have one with that reaction.

I had this with FIL, so I went very low contact. He deliberately pronounced her name wrong, add to that the years of fuckery that went before it, and I’d had enough. They hardly saw their grand kids after that.

@Noseybookworm

My husband needs to keep some open contact as he owns a house next door to his families house, his father gave it to him it was a ruin and was bought for 2k and he said that's his inherentence. He's been slowly trying to fix it up as he's legally not allowed to sell it and we've just recently found out the FIL has legal rights to use it which means he can do as he please and dump all his scrap in there which he has been doing. That's how this drama started officially. My husband needs to have open contact because if something needs to be sorted with the house he needs to be reachable like if the other neighbours need something fixed or if the water leaks etc

He also doesn't want to totally close the door on his father which I agree with. We have no contact with SMIL and FIL wishes we'd do the same to him so he can be the victim to the extended family but it's not happening. My husband keeps quiet and civil and communication to a minimum.

His father gave your DH a house. Your DH is not allowed to sell it, and his father has legal rights to use it.

Both these statements can't be true.

See a solicitor and get this mess sorted out.

Hungarian law, The father has a right to live in the house if he needs to meaning the house can't be sold. He's almost a type of co owner without owning it, he also added right to benefit from the fruits so he can rent it out and use the space but within reason. I know, mental law. We've had someone look at it and my husband has looked into it as he's also studied law.

I don't have any contact, they are having a smear campaign so sometimes I hear things from extended family. They've also contacted my family which my family ignored. My husband has to keep some lines open due to legalities of a house which I explained about in a previous comment, its too complicated for me to write again! I have carpal tunnel from this pregnancy so typing a lot is hard 😕I hope you can see it easily

So in short my husband has a house next to there's given by his father he's been doing up slowly, we recently found out in the deed there's a snag and the father has right of use so is dumping all his stuff in there and his scrap and parking some of his cars on it etc We didnt know he was allowed to do that but it turns out he is. Inside the house we'd locked a little side room with all our tools in we've been using to do the house up to keep safe and now this fight has happened he's threatening to kick the doors in if we don't unlock them. From what I've heard from other family members he's implied he'll take the tools. He really tries to act big and tough and he tries to upset my husband with this thug behaviour. My husband acts calmly and tells him that what he's threatening isnt fair but he can't stop him, and that if he wishes to act like an animal he can.

With that he's trying to make my husband angry to my husband shouts at him or reacts and then they can all play the victim. Thats the games we've been playing with them for the last 3 years but now its seriously escalated. Thats why not reacting is the best thing to do or not reacting in anger.

I won't let my daughter near that woman. She treats her own 5 year old daughter terribly so how would she treat the daughter of the woman she hates the most

Thats 100% true. Whatever we do is wrong and "disrespectful" so we're trying to act in a way that the extended family can see we arent the problem. We've been grey rocking them for the last year and half and thats why its escalated because they lost power over our reactions.

OP, is the middle name Hungarian, and the first name British? Is that driving some of the in-laws batshittery? If so, I'd just say we are no longer using that middle name.

Either way, his family are bonkers. I appreciate it's a lot of money, but I'd bring the tools back to the UK, leave the house and go no contact. DH will still legally own it.

But to be honest, I would consider the financial value of the house and consider writing it off completely. Yes, it is DHs inheritance. But it doesn't seem worth it from my perspective.

I couldn’t care less about a house I’d cut all contact, you do not need these people in your lives!

I would not be having anyone disrespect my own little family. No contact , no discussions, nothing.

Is it possible to change the middle name so she doesn’t have the name they want in her name at all? I think I would go no contact. Sound a right pair. What do your parents think about it? Really try to forget them and enjoy the last few weeks of pregnancy. Do some nice things together. Good luck x

Honestly if they do it then act like you haven't a clue who they are talking about or say "not sure if others have mentioned anything. But have you been to the GP as you may want to check your memory out"