Are bad sibling relationships usually due to the parenting?

[coffeeandsleep]

I’m really stuck on whether to have another child. I love the idea of a sibling bond but I see so many adults non-contact or indifferent with their siblings.

This has happened again and again in my own family in past generations and I don’t want history to repeat itself.

I’m wondering how much of is driven by the family environment, different treatment by parents. Any thoughts?

Then there are those who say don’t have a second child purely for the sibling reason but I do see that siblings can be really positive and enrich life when the relationship is strong. Is it such a invalid reason to have a second?

There is so much of this we should form a club.

My Siblings Partner Is An Arse

MySPIAA

We not overly close (3 girls). Two of my friend group had fallouts with sisters. So not always guaranteed to get on. Ive 2 kids they get on ok he in his 20s I hope they look out for each other.

My 4 are all in contact, some closer than others. Two of their wives don't get on which has made things more difficult.

Agree @CarerMcSharer It's interesting to hear how many sibling relationships as adults can be influenced by the partners, not just mine then!

Has the distance between siblings also meant that there's distance between our own dc and their cousins, so effecting the next generation of the family?

This is what makes me sad, dd loves her cousins and is constantly asking to see them, but my db and sil have zero interest in them being in touch or seeing each other. At 13 dd is starting to see this and questioning why. I feel pissed off and rejected all over again by db on behalf of my daughter!

Has anyone managed regular-ish contact and healthy relationships between your own children and their cousins, despite the issues with your sibling? Or is it just not possible?

My DB and I are no contact and have been for 25 years.

We were great friends before he met his now wife. As his GF she picked off all if his friends. I was one of them.
She was also quite jealous of me and created a division in our family, where suddenly DB was convinced that I ‘got everything’ and he ‘got nothing’ from our parents. Not true and loads of examples prove it.

GF always put her own family before ours. DB didn't stand up for anyone else. He was no contact with our parents for 8 years too.
My parents didn't deal with any of it, just let it happen rather than sitting everyone down and trying to communicate. They are too frightened to challenge him or her, incase they cut them off again.
I'm the easier for my parents to let down. They will always make a decision in his favour, knowing I will say my piece but bounce back. I don't ever cut them off.
Time has meant my brother and I don't exist in each others lives.

My own DC’s are so different, absolutely nothing in common. We try to do things together though. Unfortunately their dad, my exH has created and continues to drive a wedge between them. Awful.

We haven't managed a cousin relationship for the DC really. I guess as adults they may try to contact each other?

I really don't understand my SIL's partner at all. They are one of the rudest people I have ever met. They basically blanked my DH, me and our kids at family gatherings from the first time we met and when I added them on FB to hold our an olive branch they blocked me. There was no argument just a complete refusal to even try to get to know us or our kids.

@WinterV2point0 sounds like my sil with the blanking ! When we used to see them more she would basically ignore us at family gatherings, other than the words hello and goodbye, and just looked utterly pissed off to be there.

I might start a new thread on Relationships for those of us dealing with similar dysfunctional families, don't want to hijack this thread