Does your husband tell you when meeting a friend during the day?

[WorldofAngels]

If your husband is meeting a friend for lunch or coffee during the working day, would you expect him to tell you?

And what about if it’s after work, but he just comes home late from work so you assume he’s been working late in the office?

No question of an inappropriate relationship. It’s just the not sharing that has thrown me off, and potentially lying by omission for the latter scenario.

I don't expect my DP to tell me stuff like that but he does let me know when he sets off and what time he will be home.

I wouldn't expect him to tell me and I also wouldn't tell him unless there was something interesting that I thought he would want to know. I'd find it quite controlling to tell him what I did and who I spoke to each day really.

He does tell me because it feels natural to share what we are doing in the day

If we’re both wfh he’ll say but purely out of interest as he’s leaving the house. If he’s in the office or I am then no, he probably wouldn’t mention it.

After work is different though as it means he’d be coming home later so he’d tell me and put in the family calendar - but we have children so that might change it.

I don't see it a controlling

Ok, thanks for the different perspectives. It’s helpful to know how different people view things differently.

It’s not that I need to know everything, but just that if I saw a friend, I would tell him as an fyi that I saw so and so. Just in a way of sharing what I did that day. And if I was meeting a friend after work, I would tell him rather than let him assume I’m working late in the office. But interesting that some people see that as controlling.

During the working day, not really. Unless something incredibly interesting was discussed or happened during the event, that made it worth bringing up in convo.
If they were leaving work early and then going for drinks, I'd expect them to say so. Otherwise it's like they're pretending to be working harder than they actually are, when in fact they're spending money, not earning it. I wouldn't need to know exactly who with particularly though.

It's the type of thing you would expect to be mentioned in casual conversation when you are talking about how your day went/ what you were planning for the next day

I wouldn't like iit if my partner just let me assume he'd been doing one thing when actually he'd been doing another. I think that breeds suspicion when probably there is nothing to be suspicious about.

I think there is a difference between being open about what you are doing/ been doing and having to account for all your social interactions. One is just natural communication in a relationship, the other is controlling.

If it was during the day then my DP would mention it, but more because we always ask about each others day over dinner so he would say "Oh I saw X for a coffee / lunch today".

If it's after work yes he would let me know in advance so that I would know not to make him any dinner (and vice versa) but that's just out of respect and politeness really.

No, he's not one for divulging info unprompted, so unless I knew about it (in the calendar), and I asked how they were/if there was any news etc, I wouldn't hear about it.

He wouldn't tell me unless there was something worthy of interest to me. E.g. I saw Bob yesterday, and he said we should come round for a meal next Sunday. Should we go?
or: on my way to seeing Bob, I got stuck in the mother of all traffic jams due to road works. Make sure you avoid Street X.

But yeah if he was going somewhere after work he'd let me know. Not who it was with, just that he'd be late.

Not if he’s popping for lunch with a work colleague during normal work hours no. But going out after work with someone, yes.

It’s just normal politeness to let your partner know you’re going out with someone after work.

Oh no not a work colleague. I don’t mean someone you work with. I mean someone you’ve made plans in advance to meet.

I think that’s where I’m coming from, it just comes up naturally when you talk about your day and not sharing it just makes me think why hide it.

Yes he would - just filling me in on his plans, or what he’s been doing. Maybe we’ve just got to a stage where there’s nothing else left to talk about 😂

I’m single now but when in a relationship and if working late yes I’d let them know out of courtesy (eg I’ll be late back, just have your own dinner etc). Lunchtime I might just mention in conversation if I met someone

It will generally come up in chit chat but I don't 'expect' it and I wouldn't think anything of it if it didn't.

Ah I see in which case I would it weird if he didn’t mention it.

We would both share with each other because I would assume he would need to make up time at work so it would come up that he’s staying late on Wednesday as he’s having lunch with Jon on Friday.

No.

After work maybe but more in terms of I'll be late back don't make me dinner.

Lunchtime absolutely not. He works in the kind of industry where networking is important and he very often has lunch with former colleagues or random friends who work in the same city.

If he was coming home late, he'd tell me, so he'd mention it then.

Meeting a friend he'd tell me about as well - not because he has to, but just as part of a general "how was your day?" conversation.

He usually tells me
But i wouldn't bat an eyelid if he didn't

Lunchtime no, I’ve sometimes forgotten to mention it if I have done it myself. After work definitely as he does the nursery pick ups so would need to arrange me to do it.

When we didn’t have children and didn’t live together I probably wouldn’t have bothered mentioning, but when we lived together I would as we usually have dinner together.

Lunchtime, no, but it's likely that it'll come up in conversation ("oh, so-and-so was in the area today and messaged me to see if I wanted lunch. Did you know <insert gossip here>?").

After work I would expect to know because he's usually home from work at the same time each day so if he's going for a drink/working late he tells me.