To have some context this is a thread I made about the abuse I experienced in my relationship.
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5108086-am-i-bad-for-pressing-charges-on-my-abuser-childs-father
If anyone doesn’t want to read it my ex strangled me 4 years ago I front of our 2 year old , he was very violent in the relationship which ended in February this year. The last violent episode was last July. / June 2023 where he smashed up my bedroom and hurt me & also uploaded a video of us having sex without my face in it to fabswingers.com without my permission. I truly believe the only reason there was no violence in the last year was because we stopped living together.
I have now since coming out of the relationship felt like it’s time to report what happened to me. My ex beat me up in front of our two children who were 3&4.5 at the time. I realise since coming out of the relationship how bad it was and that if something should happen to me I need to tell the truth so that it’s on record and my ex will not be able to have full custody of the children. The thought of this made me sick.
I have reported him , he’s been arrested and breached his bail my contacting me he called me 70 times from no caller Id and started sending emails. I told the police who are still out to arrest him to remand him until court.
I want to start by saying I am not going to retract my statement and I am going to stand strong. I’m just looking for reassurance that what I’m doing is right as I feel my ex is manipulating me.
some of what he was saying :
he is saying that just before I called the police to report from the 5 months we split up he realised a lot and was planning to do all the things I was asking for in the relationship such as anger management , stopping drug dealing , getting a proper job again ; he swears he was planning to do this anyway then he got a knock at the door to be arrested. I want to add he has told me he will stop all this so many times but never did.
i felt like I was believing him because he was apparently taking full ownership he told me he was controlling because he was jealous of me his head was lost and he put his own selfish needs first.. again I have heard this before but not to this degree.
however he then went onto saying the last “bad” abuse was 2022 and it was a long time ago. Yes in the last year there was only 1 case of violence and him uploading my videos. The rest was cheating and controlling me.
he has gone on to say he wants to go on the run and will do all the courses and counselling that I need and will prove to me that he can be a changed man with his actions.
i told him there is no way and if he was really sorry for what he’s done to me he would do his time and take any rehabilitation they can offer him in there.
he went on to saying that people who know my family / friendsin jail would beat him up if he’s to go there. He said he would never put me in jail no matter what I did. He asked me if I would say anything to help him get less of a sentence. So that he can get out and be a dad and prove himself to me and our children. I said I will not lie. I gave my statement and it was the truth it all happened.
he said he doesn’t know if he can rehabilitate in jail because he will be around bad people and if I want to have the best chance of our family being together again jail is not the answer. .
i told him this is the consequences of his actions and he’s had 9 years of abusing me and treating me horribly and never off his own back did he get help. Now he’s telling me he was just about to do all this before he got arrested.
I have already told the police of what he said.
I am just looking for support please. I feel so much. Guilt because I still love him so much. I couldn’t retract my statement because it’s the truth and I believe that he needs to change to be worthy of being a dad to our children. I feel like I made a mistake by reporting him because he was just about to change . What if 5 months away from his family really did push that change. Then I think to myself surely if you are wanting to change you’d take the charges and do your time and own up.
he went no comment in his interview and went on the run and has been hounding me ever since despite his bail conditions.
i just want to know I’ve done the right thing ! I know people can change but he’s had 9 years and done horrible things to me infront of our kids and never once got help off his own back always refused counselling. Only now he says he was going to do it. He says he loves me so much and just wanted to do all the right things and this is going to take years away from our kids lives now.
just looking for support please I feel like the worst person in the world 💔