Dating would you find this weird?

[Lavenderfields121]

Heya. I met someone quite recently and went to his place yesterday for a meet up. All went well and he was very nice and we had a lovely evening. He seems to be a bit unusual though and although it didn’t creep me out it confused me a bit if this makes sense so was wondering what other people would make of someone who collects weapons (not guns). I just found it a bit strange to see them mounted on the walls but I know that it’s a hobby so maybe I just watched too many horror films 😂
There was also a baseball bat under the bed which I found really odd (it was sticking out so I saw the handle). I did ask him about it and he said that his biggest fear would be someone breaking into his house at night and that the bat made him sleep better. Do people really do this? I have only ever seen stuff like this on the tv and I almost wanted to laugh but didn’t because it would be mean if he was seriously worried.
Now he seems super nice and interesting but definitely a bit quirky and I’m not sure if other people would find this weird or just me. Thanks!

Collecting pretty much anything is weird and unattractive to me. Collecting weapons and displaying them on the walls of your house and not anticipating that a woman you may be hoping to embark on a relationship with might fond them frightening and/or a turn off, especially when you also have an ill-concealed baseball bat under the bed, suggests someone without a lot of self knowledge. Which is deeply unattractive, whether he’s going to show you his sharpened seppuku sword, or bore on about his replica of Aragorn’s Anduril.

I always keep something under the bed - so did my parents!

When we lived in an inner city area when we were younger DH used to keep a bat under the bed too just in case (we never needed it!), I think it's quite common.

What happens if you have a disagreement in the future? I wouldn't go there. Just dump him, it's a bit too weird.

But there is unlikely to be someone out there that literally ticks every box?

Some people put ketchup on things they shouldn't - that is weird to me (an ex liked it with a roast dinner)!

But there is one thing that is unattractive or not to your taste, and another that some call a red flag. If he has Nazi flags up etc... then yes, a red flag., but not this.

I have a baseball bat in my room for that same reason.

As for the weapons, that would be a big nope from me! My ex, who turned out to be very abusive, also used to collect and display weapons. Now, I don't think it's the case that everyone who collects weapons is abusive, but I definitely think there's a correlation. Abuse is all about power and control, and it makes sense that abusive men would be drawn to weaponry, and their connotations of power, domination, toughness. In some cases, men choose to display weapons with the intention of causing intimidation. I didn't consider it a red flag in the beginning, but in the end, my ex did threaten me with said weapons.

I'm not saying this means he's definitely abusive, but I do think it hints at having an abusive mentality, so I wouldn't take the risk of pursuing this further.

Well, my ex wife and I had many a blazing row in our bedroom and not once in 20+ years did it even cross my mind to reach under and use it even as a threat.

People are forgetting that we all have very kitchen knives in the kitchen, a lot more handily placed than under the bed with all the other rubbish that ends up there. Mine are actually on a magnetic strip so very easy to grab and use, so anyone having a disagreement in the kitchen is in just as much risk.

Trust your gut. You think it's weird. It is. Red flag. Taxi !

If you have thought about it long enough to post on here about it, then that suggests to me it bothers you. If something bothers you about someone this early on, then surely that says it all. If ever you need to "sense-check" something about someone with someone else, that is your gut telling you something is off and you not trusting your gut.

Always trust your gut. (I say this as someone who has learnt this the hard way.)

My ex kept a baseball bat under his bed (once lived in a rough area and he kept the habit) and he is still one of the most decent men I know

Well you are obviously a very level headed person (except feeling the need to have a blazing row on a regular basis!).

Many are not and it's not worth a risk so early on. It's all a bit weird.

If they're antique swords or something, genuine historical objects, I wouldn't find that weird, I don't think.

But if they just have a house full of random weapons, crossbows and nunchucks and non-antique stuff, I'd think they were a twat. Not necessarily dangerous, but certainly immature and into macho crap. Massive turn-off.

I would also be massively put off by the baseball bat under the bed. Weird, paranoid behaviour.

It's not so much their potential to be used as a weapon, as it is about what would make a person drawn to weaponry in the first place, what such a collection says about them as a person.

You mention upthread that people collect all sorts of stuff, but there must be something that would leave you thinking "hang on a minute... that's a bit weird"?

Collecting things is human nature (some theories suggest), but I think what we collect is very revealing about our personalities, our values, what makes us tick, etc. So even if you don't think a particular collection is a "red flag", a person has a right to be put off if they don't like what the collection suggests about a person.

Congratulations on not using a weapon against your ex-wife?

I would ask him about the weapons. I have known a few men who collect things like that - swords, hunting knives etc - who aren’t weirdos. They can tell you ‘This handle was hand carved by X, who is really famous for his skill in….’ or ‘This one is interesting because the metalsmith…’ or ‘I’m really pleased with this because the price has increased…’

If a collector can talk about the stuff like that, I don’t find the collection odd at all. When they can’t, I get ‘slasher movies where bad things are done to women are my favourite’ vibes tbh. Like just a teenagery, immature interest.

As for the baseball bat, wouldn’t worry me at all. I keep my own attitude adjuster under my bed and I don’t live in a rough area, I don’t think that’s super uncommon, just people don’t chat about that sort of comfort thing. At least you know he won’t be pushing you down the stairs to investigate a noise in the middle of the night.

However… if you’re worried about getting broken into, aren’t you a bit thick to display a choice of weapons the burglars could murder you with on your walls?

Never ignore your gut feelings! They are there to protect you.

I'd be concerned that he is a drug dealer or holder. i.e mixed up with dodgy people and expecting an uninvited call at his house.

Well I'd find it preferable to guitars on the walls

Why does it matter what other people think? Some really dangerous people have collections of weapons. Some totally safe people have collections of weapons. Having a collection of weapons isn't a diagnostic indicator of decency in a person.

You feel uncomfortable with this man. It doesn't matter what we think. The question is whether you want to keep dating someone you don't feel comfortable with.

I must have missed the memo I but live alone and don't have a baseball ball under my bed. Do try and remember to lock my doors at night though, but never remember 100% of the time.

You are way more likely to be killed by your partner or ex-partner so I'm not worried about random attackers.

I personally wouldn't date a guy with weapons on his wall. I have art on my walls, and would love to see world peace one day, I'm not sure we'd have much in common!

I collect hoard lots of items, like vintage fabrics, but they go in the loft, not on my walls.

This is giving me Jeffrey Dahmer vibes!

He doesn't live in Dudley does he??!!

Does he seem OK otherwise? My one also had a weapon collection on the wall but was also showing sociopathic traits so I got the hell out.

There are - if a woman had loads of teddies or something I would think that a bit weird. If their house was not clean I would find it a bit off putting and possibly weird. My ex-GF would eat food well past its date and even pick a bit of mould off bread and eat the rest - that was weird. I dare say we all have stuff or habits others would find weird, none of those for me a deal breakers unless there are a lot of them, or it was excessive, like hoarding or shrine like.

I have no problem with people saying things are weird, but really dont like the term red flag which is bandied about so often.

If I was round someones and they had a huge doll collection (someone I met collected marmite jars) I may find it weird, but if everything else was good and they were good company, attractive etc... then not an issue.