I am single parent and out of dating game a while. Recently I started dating a lovely guy. I’m 44, he’s 40. We’ve been together about 1.5 months & going well.
Here’s the issue: I had to host an evening event in front of strangers, friends and family. I ask this guy to come and bring some friends so they can support me (I don’t know his friends yet).
He shows up at the event late, drunk and with a young, attractive girl, probably around 30, and from where I am standing, they appear to be very flirtatious.
When I can, I go over to say hi, & he is happy to see me, hugs me, kiss on cheek, tells me I’m amazing. But doesn’t introduce the girl straightaway. The girl is looking shifty & nervous. I then ask to be introduced & the girl is really off with me. Dismissive handshake & body language. I am confused & I ask to see my date outside as I’m feeling super uncomfortable. He tells me she’s just a friend but I tell him, I don’t really feel comfortable with what I’m seeing (I am not a jealous person).
So anyway, I have to go back to present at the event, & from stage, I see them both laughing & joking, talking throughout my performance, & even leave the venue & come back much later. I am cross & confused but keep a straight face.
At the end of the night, as he is drunk, & I don’t want to speak about this in public (the girl is hanging around), I say I’m feeling weird about what’s taken place & that we should talk in the morning & they leave.
Later, while I am still at the venue chatting to friends, this girl comes back, taps me on my shoulder & tells me she has feelings for my date & I should back off. I am stunned. I shrug my shoulders & just say “ok, you’re entitled to your feelings but me & XXX are dating right now” & I walk away. I don’t want embarrassment at a high stake event for me.
The next day I speak to my date & I am fuming. I feel disrespected & disappointed by his choice of friend, but he is in complete denial, says she is a only friend, and that he was trying to cheer her up because her boyfriend dumped her, that he invited others but she was the only one free, the news she likes him is shocking to him, but he isn’t responsible for her, that I am being jealous because she’s young female & that I was in fact rude to him last night!!
He then calls the situation a “difference of opinion” & that we should probably leave the relationship.
My date has always given me this idea he is very moral and humble man and would never cheat. We’re not yet “in a relationship” but we had hoped it would go far. But the whole situation seems very off and this drama queen really got under my skin.
Furthermore, the presentation was a big deal to me, and it went well, but the added pressure on the night was not good and I felt really embarrassed by their public actions.
Needless we haven’t spoken in a few since he called it off. I’m tempted to write him a letter because I don’t feel I got closure and still hope to reconcile.
What are other people’s interpretation of this? Was this technically an infidelity? A 🚩 ?
Differing perspectives welcome.