Was it “infidelity” or a 🚩?

[Glittercloud17]

I am single parent and out of dating game a while. Recently I started dating a lovely guy. I’m 44, he’s 40. We’ve been together about 1.5 months & going well.

Here’s the issue: I had to host an evening event in front of strangers, friends and family. I ask this guy to come and bring some friends so they can support me (I don’t know his friends yet).

He shows up at the event late, drunk and with a young, attractive girl, probably around 30, and from where I am standing, they appear to be very flirtatious.

When I can, I go over to say hi, & he is happy to see me, hugs me, kiss on cheek, tells me I’m amazing. But doesn’t introduce the girl straightaway. The girl is looking shifty & nervous. I then ask to be introduced & the girl is really off with me. Dismissive handshake & body language. I am confused & I ask to see my date outside as I’m feeling super uncomfortable. He tells me she’s just a friend but I tell him, I don’t really feel comfortable with what I’m seeing (I am not a jealous person).

So anyway, I have to go back to present at the event, & from stage, I see them both laughing & joking, talking throughout my performance, & even leave the venue & come back much later. I am cross & confused but keep a straight face.

At the end of the night, as he is drunk, & I don’t want to speak about this in public (the girl is hanging around), I say I’m feeling weird about what’s taken place & that we should talk in the morning & they leave.

Later, while I am still at the venue chatting to friends, this girl comes back, taps me on my shoulder & tells me she has feelings for my date & I should back off. I am stunned. I shrug my shoulders & just say “ok, you’re entitled to your feelings but me & XXX are dating right now” & I walk away. I don’t want embarrassment at a high stake event for me.

The next day I speak to my date & I am fuming. I feel disrespected & disappointed by his choice of friend, but he is in complete denial, says she is a only friend, and that he was trying to cheer her up because her boyfriend dumped her, that he invited others but she was the only one free, the news she likes him is shocking to him, but he isn’t responsible for her, that I am being jealous because she’s young female & that I was in fact rude to him last night!!

He then calls the situation a “difference of opinion” & that we should probably leave the relationship.

My date has always given me this idea he is very moral and humble man and would never cheat. We’re not yet “in a relationship” but we had hoped it would go far. But the whole situation seems very off and this drama queen really got under my skin.

Furthermore, the presentation was a big deal to me, and it went well, but the added pressure on the night was not good and I felt really embarrassed by their public actions.

Needless we haven’t spoken in a few since he called it off. I’m tempted to write him a letter because I don’t feel I got closure and still hope to reconcile.

What are other people’s interpretation of this? Was this technically an infidelity? A 🚩 ?

Differing perspectives welcome.

You’re directing your anger at her OP but yes the one you really should be pissed if with. He chose to create this situation and yet you’re blaming her.

Yes she was an idiot but save your anger for him. His behaviour was appalling. Let the pair of them crack on

Only 1.5 months invested - I've had constipation for longer than that.

Move on.

Well they’re both c@nts! 😂

im annoyed that another girl would do that to another girl. And yes, I am angry at him though his words were ‘neither of us (me or him) have done anything wrong’

If you see one red flag ... remember red means stop.
Don't waste any more time and energy.
Use the time and energy on yourself .

It’s only been six weeks OP, six weeks is half a term and we know how short that is and how quickly it can go by.

He’s behaved like a prick but has thankfully ended it for you. I think you are a little too upset over such a short situationship or whatever it was. Forget about it.

A letter?
You've been dating 6 weeks - Idk why you would ask him to bring friends you've never met to an important event. You barely know him.
Idk what the question is but there's nothing to call off from what you described (not in a relationship).

If you read the thread you'll see she'd known him for a year.

It's hardly the woman's fault. She has no doubt been spun a line by this guy.

Seriously, what is actually good about him? Because if anyone pulled a stunt like that at an important event where my reputation was at stake, I would never speak to them again.

Why don't you find some self-respect? If it makes you feel better, send him a text saying, "don't bother coming creeping back, I'm over it" before you block him. Writing him a letter begging him to come back is the absolute worst thing you could possibly do. He will ruin your life.

Red flag and infidelity op!

Bin, block! Bye bye.

@Emmanuelll
I did read it.
Knew him for a year - not that well obviously.

But fair enough

Don’t do the closure letter/text thing. He will think you’re ‘psycho’ and think he was lucky to have binned you. (I don’t think you’re psycho, it’s just what he’s likely to think). You don’t need closure after such a short period of dating

he could even show your letter to his mates and they would have a good laugh at it. Honestly just block and move on

Avoid this man! And his mindfuckery!
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

Oh ignore her, you wouldn't know she existed if not for him and he quite clearly brought her to play you two off each other; he's totally getting off on imagining these two women fighting over him. He's a total prick and if she wants him, let her have him and I feel sorry for both of them. Be glad it only took him six weeks to show you what a prize knob he is. I've got stuff in the fridge older than that.

This!!!

Awful behaviour for six weeks in!

He brought a date to your event & hoped you would not notice. He's a knob. Plus he was drunk. Plus he was late.

Let the other fool have him

He's been dating her all along obviously...what a guy. He brought her to make you jealous, introduced you to her to make her jealous.

I waited until almost your age for a decent man and he came along...if he hadn't there is no way in hell I would have settled for the guy you have described. Being single for a while longer is a far, far better option, sorry you've been through this crap.

Triangulation- it’s a known game that narcissistic dickheads play to boost their sad little egos.

Wow. What an amazing group! I felt confused because this was literally the first man I’ve liked in eight years. I’ve been afraid to open up, so when he came along I was willing to “compromise” because I liked him, but I see now that I wasn’t wrong to trust myself.

This situation has made me feel more lonely and vulnerable, but I love myself and have more compassion and respect for myself than ever before. Thank you ladies and gents

He told her that were were dating and see where it goes

That's very American and very casual sounding.

Plus you presumably only know what he said he told her; who knows what he actually told her.

Whatever he said, appears to have given her the impression that he's not off the market/is up for grabs.

I wouldn't focus too much on her, he's the one hanging out with her, drunk, and bringing her along to the women he's dating's events ..like she's his date instead.
You said he spent the time laughing with and paying attention to her too.

She wouldn't be there if if wasn't for him.

This.

He drunkenly tried to combine two dates.

He drunkenly thought he'd style it out and get away with depicting her as just a friend and a - tiny violin - just dumped one he has to support (cause her mates or family wouldn't be a better source of support for a devastated girl, right, as opposed to getting drunk with a decade older man who's seeing someone).

She kinda dropped him in it getting hostile and drunkenly declaring her feelings and intentions.

You're actually lucky the drink went in and the wit went out, and you got to see all this; or he could've been two timing you for quite a while, with you unaware.

Incidentally "dating and seeing how it goes" does not sound exclusive (?) Or did you both agree it was?

I don't even think he did it intentionally.

I think he thought he'd ship her off after their time together, but got too drunk and in his alcohol soaked mind, thought he could get away with bringing her along to op's thing.

A 40 yr old fuck boi.

Great relationship material.

Why would you want to reconcile with that! He embarrassed you and ruined an important evening - and the best bit of a relationship is the beginning so how bad is it gonna get when he really has settled in! Ditch!