Not that girl

[Time2TalkHonest]

Hi all,

Hope you are all well.

This is new to me but my head is spinning.

6 Years ago I married the biggest love of my life.
Handsome. Kind. Loving. Supportive. Best Friends and not to mention our sex life was lush.

We ticked every box for a fantastic marriage.

Bought a house, new car, all was going amazingly well.

I was so happy, but now and again my trauma as a child would peak its ugly face at me but with a fantastic husband someone I could trust I would paddle through it all and it was all good.

Fast forwards four year into our marriage I found out my husband faced some small issues, but not big enough to address them with me.

I confided in my best friend. She was amazing.
Out of the blue one day I was looking after her son I found a very detailed love letter to her from my husband. They've had an affair. I confronted my husband and he confessed. I immediately kicked him out and filed for divorce. I was heart broken. I lost my husband and best friend.

2 years after it all went down I saw me ex husband and we started talking again and of course it went from there. We are both single and fallen in love.

I own my own house and car, good job in finance, overall happy out.

I've explained how badly he hurt me and starting again would carry baggage in terms of trust and I was scared.

Until last night all was going okay until he said.
"If you had done xyz back then I don't think I would have cheated".

I was like a slap, so I said. I'm sorry. That is lame or inconsiderate. I can't nor will I come back in after you had your fun. We're done. Really done.
I've now blocked him on my phone.

Just need a reality check from the outside world.

Am I Right or Wrong ?

Thank you all and have a wonderful weekend.

You were right. He should have been on his bended knees thanking you for giving him another chance, not gaslighting you into making it your fault.
It sounds like you have done well without him.

You don't need us to tell you if you were right or wrong, you KNOW the answer.

He's a nasty piece of shit to not just have an affair, but to have one with your friend??!!

You're well rid of him. Don't give him any more chances, ever.

Yes you are right. Thank you. Sometime we just need that reassurance we are right even though we know the answer.

We are done. Thank you for replying

Thank you for replying. It's easy to know right from wrong but hard when you have feelings.

He did thank me for trying again but after that comment from him we are so done. Not a lesson learned for him.

We're done. I deserve better.

Thank you again

He told you who he was again.

You sound strong. You know you deserve so much more.

in the bin with that arsehole

💐

Thank you for replying.

That was my first thought when I heard him saying that. I was like. WHAT!! Hold your horses.

Despite it hurt I walked away this time saying no and no you cannot and will not.

Then blocked

Thank you again. I'm in the middle of putting on the lid on the bin

You are 100% right!! And deserve much better than him trying to wear you down to convince you that any part of his cheating was down to you - it was all him!!!

Thank you. You sometimes doubt your own decisions but I am so done.

I've always said to him. I do not accept cheating or violence in any man. As he so nicely explained the other day. He knew the consequences.

Thank you again. I am done with him sadly. But I will not be a doormat again.

You are totally right. He's blameshifting and not taking responsibility for his actions, which means he'd probably cheat again.
He's an asshole.

@Time2TalkHonest you sound amazing.

Well done for refusing to go any further with this man. He's really tried to play you, hasn't he? Creep.

As for your ex best friend, I hope you don't show her any regard either.

What a gaslighting tosser. Run. You deserve so much better than either of them.

He’s just shown you that he is not going to ever truly own up to being 100% accountable for his affair. You did not make him cheat. He did that himself. So did she. They both have weak moral compasses and have crawled out of the shallow end of the gene pool and glommed onto a strong woman for direction. Omg, is your life going to improve without these cockroaches

Having an affair with your best friend is the biggest betrayal imaginable.

It was a huge mistake to ever give him another chance.

Its a good thing he’s shown you what a selfish, self centred, irresponsible arse he is for a second time.

Well done for kicking him to the kerb. Keep him there this time.

So, it’s your fault he shagged your best friend? Righto! What a twat, out of interest, what exactly does he believe you could have done to stop him committing the ultimate act of betrayal???

You have done the right thing. You deserve better.

Until last night all was going okay until he said.
"If you had done xyz back then I don't think I would have cheated".

My ex came out with a version of this, apparently shagging another woman, leaving to set up a little love nest, back and forth between us for two years and then backing out of the house purchase we were making for 'a new start' was all my fault and I'd 'brought it on myself.' Quite apart from the disappointing lack of intelligence displayed by the use of that hoary old cliche, that was so stupid an attempt to justify his behaviour that frankly, I had more self-respect than to even argue and it was over from then on. Thankfully.

Luckily your ex has shown that as far as he's concerned nothing is his fault and even more luckily you've seen through it.

It's shit but on the positive side you know you've made the right decision and there's no 'what if's'. Move forward and don't look back!

Really sorry you've experienced something similar. It's a dreadful feeling with tons of emotions and hurt.

To be fair my ex said a few things I picked up on but what he said the other night did it for me.

I am aware of the pain and mistrust he has caused back then and if we were to get back together I would live with a fear of it happening again. Combined that had to be a no from me.

So I ended it and blocked him. Of course it stung but I am done.

Hope you find peace and happiness which I'm sure you will

Thank you again for answering and sharing

Thank you. And you are so right

Thank you for replying.

My best friend had said. She had no bad feelings towards me. Well I got news sweetheart, I do!!!

Not going to give either of them any time of mine.

I'm done

Thank you for replying. Yes I am done.

Unsafe, unworthy, irresponsible and I’d argue abusive to boot (i believe cheating is abusive as is gaslighting).

Make sure he doesn’t get to worm his slimey eel self back in! Block, delete and make yourself your own hero in this story!

Thanks for replying and you are so right.

He's out and so is she. I just can't not will I.

Well accordingly to him I could have opened up for sexually.

We had a good sex life so I am absolutely not buying that.

Either way you just don't cheat.

Thanks for reaching out

You are right. Thank you so much