DH "sexting" AI

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I'm a long time user, rarely post but have name changed for this. I looked for existing threads and think this is a new issue so yay for that I guess!

I used my husbands phone to call my own when I couldn't find it (common occurrence in my house, we both know each others lock codes - wasn't snooping!) and a recently used app along the bottom jumped out at me. I asked about it and he was quite open that it was an AI chat app and he's been using it to have sexual chats with AI "girls".

Now I'm not sure how I feel about it! I've sorted of been arguing with myself in circles. I mean there's no other actual person involved, so it's not cheating and there's no one being abused like if it were porn. Something still feels off about it, but nothing I can put into words. I wouldn't accept it, if he said he didn't like me using a toy or reading sexy stories when he's not there, So is this different?

Also my mum has been ill recently and I'm on medication that makes me tired early in the evening, so our sex life has all but dried up. I know he has the right to an "outlet" but emotionally my heart is matching my head and I feel upset he's feeling horny while I'm feeling awful! I wonder if that's really my issue?

So let me have it - am I being unreasonable and need to give my head a wobble, or is there something wrong with what he's doing that I can't find the words for?

I wouldn’t like it and it would give me the ick.

Well its not cheating and it's not an emotional affair, unless you count computers.

It's basically interactive porn. Also Does he have any VR goggles?

All sounds harmless and as you say, he needs an outlet!

This is interesting, it is almost like a digital version of the choose your own adventure books where based on what your response was, you flipped to page whatever to find out what happens next.

An AI is going to be similar. It will have preprogrammed questions and depending on the user’s response, will then look up the next blurb to say plus another question. Like a massive interlocked decision tree. The AI is not capable of feelings, it simply follows a script.

I dunno, have you thought of trying it yourself with an AI bloke to see how it works? Then decide how you feel about it being used as a tool for wanking?

No, no VR googles

I know he liked to read sex stories online so part of my arguing with myself was thinking this is like an advanced "pick your owe adventure" version of that!

This is a good moral dilemma question!
On the one hand realistically is it any different to curling up with a Mills and Boon, getting hot under the collar and having some personal time...

Except it's interactive, there's a fantasy involved that he's talking to a real person...

But he's not taking to a real person...

But will that satisfy him for long, will it escalate to real people...

When there's a problem in your relationship, illness coming between your intimacy, does it bode well that he seeks a solution elsewhere, could he be putting that energy into making time for you at other times when you are feeling ok... Or in creating other ways to stay and feel close to each other... He's not trying to do that, he's just casting his net elsewhere...

But it's impersonal and no actual threat to you...

Hmmm, I think if it was balanced with care and he wasn't just checking out of the relationship cos things weren't easy I'd feel happier...

But really it'd give me the ick I think.

'pick your own adventure' 🤣🤣

Funny we cross posted with the pick your own adventure thing!

Hadn't considered it myself - as I said in my OP my sexdrive is really down at the moment sonit hadn't occurred to me. But maybe I should try it out of curiosity

Is he using it to tell him a story, or to pretend to be a person? It's the latter then I don't think that's different mentally to talking to a sex worker and for me that would be an absolute no.

You don’t like it because he is not reading about characters or watching them on a screen. He is not an observer. He is seeking out a personal connection and interaction. He is ‘mimicking’ being with another woman in a very intimate way.

I can quite understand why you don’t like it.

I think this is harmless, it's comparable to reading erotic novels in my view. You don't currently have a sex life so this is probably a painless and easy way, compared to the alternatives usually seen on here, for him to get an outlet. If he neglects you and your sex life for the AI that would be an issue

He is good and supportive in other areas of the relationship - he's not sneaking off to do this at the expense of spending time with us and he is picking up the slack where I am doing less around the house etc

I don't expect him to turn his sex drive off because mine has faded, if I somehow found out he was taking care of himself in the shower or something I would probably roll my eyes a bit wouldn't really mind. I'm trying to get to the bottom of why this feels different!

A man who prefers the written word to the visual. More of an intellectual consumer of porn! Is it purely written, no pictures?

He is speaking to them as if they're another person. It's like a back and forth conversation, not he says what he likes and it makes up a story - maybe you've nailed it.

But then I do feel it's different as if he were texting a sex worker there would be another real person involved and I can see how that could easily turn into a "real world" thing

I'm not sure how I would feel about it OK he's not actually physically cheating.

Two things though, what he's saying in these chats, and if he gets addicted to it I think that would cause me concern.

Yeah that is funny we cross posted :)

I would give it a whirl. Because I can’t say if I would be totally ok with it or uncomfortable unless I knew what it was like to do it?

It might be like a sexy story or might be like sexting. It might be so realistic you forget it is AI, or you might think it is really cheesy and not at all like a real person. Only you know where your boundary is for the relationship.

I'm quite relieved to see a mix of views, at least I wasn't being an idiot and missing something obvious!

Although it's less helpful then everyone unanimously telling me the same thing!

@Sookafatwan - I think it's just words. Now I'm wondering if it would be better/worse if it were AI generated porn?!

If you were a bloke, and your sex life had taken a dive, and your wife was reading erotic fiction and using a vibrator, no one would worry about you being addicted or seeking out real world cock, telling you that it's neglecting him to not also go without orgasms etc. basically it's just a sex toy, albeit more advanced that The Rabbit

It's unusual but I don't think there's anything morally wrong with what he's doing. Your sex drives are mismatched at the moment so he's found an outlet.

Can I just ask what platform this is on? Is the AI messaging him back in the same manner? I thought it was there to ask any questions you had, and I genuinely thought anything along the lines of sexual would have been passed off with a ‘Siri’ type comment? Like “I’m not sure, but let me look at some websites that can help you”

It would worry me, because he’s enjoying the interaction of it. It’s an (albeit poor) substitute for a genuine interaction and I could see how that would escalate.

it feels more like a replacement for a human, specifically yourself, rather than just a toy. Or porn.

I don’t know about sexting, but ChatGPT will write erotic stories based around your prompts. These can become graphic if you keep modifying them to up the explicitness.

See attached :)

I've never heard of this!! It's a tricky one. I think it depends what he's messaging to this app, if it's stuff he couldn't or wouldn't say to you then the question is why, if he's getting something from that that he's not getting in real life then what is that, is it purely just for a sexual kick or is it something deeper.

I mean I'd probably prefer this to someone addicted to watching porn, and obviously it's preferable to only fans or something. But I'd still feel a bit ugh about it

Whether it's harmless or not it would give me the complete ick and I couldn't accept it.

Its not going to be that interactive is it. Its a modern version of using a phone line to talk to a bored house wife for £1/minute. And just think all of the replies he gets have likely been inputted by a bloke.

😂 gosh I hadn’t thought of that but it is true that AI is 90% male programmers.
Who better to know what a bloke wants than another bloke?