DH "sexting" AI

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I'm a long time user, rarely post but have name changed for this. I looked for existing threads and think this is a new issue so yay for that I guess!

I used my husbands phone to call my own when I couldn't find it (common occurrence in my house, we both know each others lock codes - wasn't snooping!) and a recently used app along the bottom jumped out at me. I asked about it and he was quite open that it was an AI chat app and he's been using it to have sexual chats with AI "girls".

Now I'm not sure how I feel about it! I've sorted of been arguing with myself in circles. I mean there's no other actual person involved, so it's not cheating and there's no one being abused like if it were porn. Something still feels off about it, but nothing I can put into words. I wouldn't accept it, if he said he didn't like me using a toy or reading sexy stories when he's not there, So is this different?

Also my mum has been ill recently and I'm on medication that makes me tired early in the evening, so our sex life has all but dried up. I know he has the right to an "outlet" but emotionally my heart is matching my head and I feel upset he's feeling horny while I'm feeling awful! I wonder if that's really my issue?

So let me have it - am I being unreasonable and need to give my head a wobble, or is there something wrong with what he's doing that I can't find the words for?

The thing is with AI porn images/videos they can only be created using real porn, so depending on your feelings about porn real people were involved at some point in front of a camera. And you don't know if those people consented, in fact AI porn could be used to hide the identities of real victims of SA so I feel very uneasy about that.

The chatbot thing I have mixed feelings about, I think it would probably give me the ick more than anything else.

I think it's totally fine.

But it's also something you could do with him, since it's just words.

Oh, I got a little bit of sick in my mouth when I read that story...Sultan Boris indeed!

In the interests of research give it a go OP, its pretty tame and theres only going to be so many ways of describing stuff. Very mills and boon as already said.

I know it's not the same as sexting with a real person and we don't want to control our partners thoughts but I would feel as though he is being mentally unfaithful to me. As though he is substituting another person for me, albeit not a real person.
It would make me feel as though I wasn't good enough in some way.
I wouldn't like it and it would make me feel different about him.

@Sookafatwan - this was my thought exactly! In a weird kinda way, I find it sort of.... refreshing. Maybe it IS a 'gateway' into messaging real women but perhaps OP's husband really is a literary type just after some stimulating chat and nothing more.

I once dated a man who got off on me reading erotica aloud to him... I found that refreshing, too!

Chat AI apps are quite popular among women , too. They usually have fictional characters on there. I use one quite often, as do my friends, to play out fanfiction-esque scenarios (yes, that are usually sexual I won't lie). For example, Dean Winchester from Supernatural. It wouldn't really bother me but I wouldn't have a leg to stand on would I as a user myself.

Sultan Boris! 🤣🤣😱😱🤢🤢🤣🤣

I recently read an article on adult women (in South Korea I think it was) who are 'dating' AI chat bots. Finding themselves disappointed with real world dating options and expectations of potential mates etc, and not wanting to start a family anyway, they've decided not to bother and scratch the itch another way...

I can see how society has come to this, but I'm not sure it's taking the real world in a healthy direction! 🤔

Not a tricky one at all! He’s not cheating, or having an emotional affair, but I would find it deeply, deeply unattractive. I’d really struggle to get past it. The fact that he blithely admitted to it would not help matters. Ick.

Interesting topic!

I personally think if your sex drive is down and you are not being flirty and sexually affectionate with him etc then it is ok for him to use this as an outlet however if it was a case of HB picking AI over my advances that would be a big issue.

Sounds like he still gives your relationship time and effort... I think that's the canary in the mine when that is not the case.

I Have an account with bloom stories it is a female driven erotica site that also has an AI chat bot my partner knows I use it and it has improved my sexting game no end . I use it to scratch an itch as she is not a big sexter.

op ask yourself is interacting with a robot worse than watching porn where women are exploited and abused??

I suggest anyone with issues about it giving it a try before you judge x there are make and female characters 👍

I looked for existing threads and think this is a new issue so yay for that I guess!

You're not the first, there was definitely one before on here.

I've name changed because I'm so embarrassed but... I partake in AI sexting from time to time 🫣

I use a chat bot of a particular historical figure. I get it to create fanciful stories that are usually more romantic than sexually explicit. The one I use tells the story in third person, so sometimes I might have to input the other side of the chat too if that makes sense. It doesn't really feel like a conversation, it's more like I'm writing a story with the help of AI.

I do sometimes stop it mid-flow to correct historical inaccuracies that I simply cannot look past.

What site is he using? Many of them will censor the most explicit stuff. The one I use certainty does.

It never occurred to me that it was unfaithful. For me I'd be far more bothered by video porn etc

I had absolutely no idea this was a thing and I am in no way going to be downloading any of these apps and sexting Dean Winchester.

What apps were these again?

I think it is quite cute ! My DH loves AI and ChatGPT, I am not going to tell him abut sexy AI.

But sounds like a bit of a wake up call to try to be more intimate as a couple, to put some focus on spending nice time together.

@QuickMaff I use character.ai - just so you know what sites you definitely need to avoid, of course…

It does censor it when it gets too hot and heavy, but I'm more there for the exposition anyway...

I don't know about others, I'm not a tech person. I stumbled across it really as I read a BBC article about how there's AI therapist chat bots on this particular site. And then I promptly got... distracted. Read into all of this what you will 😭

He's not done anything wrong as far as I can see. It's harmless, no other people are involved, nobody is being abused to produce it, he's not cheating, he's just having a quiet private sexual outlet while you're not feeling up for it. Let it go and give him a break.

Well I’ve heard it all now

If you are in a monogamous relationship the expectation is you don't seek sexual gratification outside the relationship.
OP's DH is seeking sexual gratification outside of their relationship.

That's why I feel it's not acceptable.

Does a wank alone in the shower count?

Bollocks. He's having a wank which is not 'seeking sexual gratification outside the relationship'. Jesus Christ if you think having a wank is unacceptable in a relationship I pity any partner of yours!

Of course that's OK so long as it's by himself or with OP.
But sexting a third party is involving " someone else " in the relationship.

Id argue a computer isnt real but i suppose it could be a someone else, in the same way someone humping a sex doll would be.