DH "sexting" AI

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I'm a long time user, rarely post but have name changed for this. I looked for existing threads and think this is a new issue so yay for that I guess!

I used my husbands phone to call my own when I couldn't find it (common occurrence in my house, we both know each others lock codes - wasn't snooping!) and a recently used app along the bottom jumped out at me. I asked about it and he was quite open that it was an AI chat app and he's been using it to have sexual chats with AI "girls".

Now I'm not sure how I feel about it! I've sorted of been arguing with myself in circles. I mean there's no other actual person involved, so it's not cheating and there's no one being abused like if it were porn. Something still feels off about it, but nothing I can put into words. I wouldn't accept it, if he said he didn't like me using a toy or reading sexy stories when he's not there, So is this different?

Also my mum has been ill recently and I'm on medication that makes me tired early in the evening, so our sex life has all but dried up. I know he has the right to an "outlet" but emotionally my heart is matching my head and I feel upset he's feeling horny while I'm feeling awful! I wonder if that's really my issue?

So let me have it - am I being unreasonable and need to give my head a wobble, or is there something wrong with what he's doing that I can't find the words for?

Yeah, imagination for the lazy basically lol

It's always going to feel a bit weird knowing what your DH (or DW etc.) is rubbing it to. If it's not you, maybe it stings a bit even though it's obvious they won't be thinking about you every time. But... totally agree that we all need some stimulation besides the void and our partner.

What sort of thing does he write to them, and have them write back to him?

I do think if it's graphic and interactive while he is being himself and the AI is pretending to be someone else, it crosses a line. Hard to say why, but I guess it's the same as an aversion to sex dolls. There is something off about being in a relationship and spending so much time thinking about and enjoying an active sexual conversation, even if it's with a robot.

I get that you might think it's disrespectful, but do you actually think it's full on unfaithful?

Is it ok to imagine having sex with someone else if I also imagine that I am someone else?

It is an interesting question. This is probably extremely weird of me, but I am very literal minded and unless the entire scene is set in a completely different universe, I need to first have a backstory in place, which explains why I'm not cheating - usually it involves imagining that I have divorced my DH. This is probably even worse though ha.

I think if you are imagining having sex with someone else but you are also imagining you are someone else makes things acceptable . It's much different to imagining you are you having sex with someone else.

Wrong or not, it would turn me off.

Oh come on. There's risk of a bleak moral compass talking to sex workers. He was talking to a robot.

I used to do it at age 12 on msn to mess about.

OK still a mix of opinions! I'm feel like I'm leaning more towards it's harmless and leaving hm too it but there are a few arguments against this I can't full ylet go of.

Most seem to be along the lines of:

"I'd feel like I'm being replaced"
"mimicing being with someone else"
"make me feel I'm good good enough"

The thing is, if I had come on here saying that my DH doens't want me using a dildo/vibrator, he could give these reasons and I'm 99% sure 99% of you would say he was being unreasonable - so why is this different?

Another thing coming up a lot is it would give you the ick - well that'd defo true here, I don't love the thought of it! But I also assume he knocks one out in the shower sometimes, and I don't love the thought of that either - but if I said he should stop that I know it would be unreasonable - so again why the differnce?

There's also been quite a few people asking for more details of what's being said - to be honest I don't feel it's my place to ask him about that. I know usually couple should be able to be open and talk about most things - but if he was asking me details of what I masturbate over to see if he deemed it "OK" I'd feel quite invaded and like he was being controlling. So once again - why is this different?

Just to be clear, when I'm asking what the differnce is I really am asking! I still sort of feel there is a differnence but I can't put it into words. But again, I might just not like it but actually it's fine

I do think it's just to "get off" and he's not like in love with it or anything. And I also trust him not to cross that line and start to seek this type of interation from another actual real life person person

Im afarid I don't know - it's an app on android with a dark bluey/purple logo!

I've had a quick look on the app store and there are loads of AI chat apps. Most seem to either hint they could be used for sex chat or straight up say that's what they're for!

Ahh that's a good point, I hadn't even conidered how it would have been programmed. I think that's definiaty a good argument against AI Images at least, but surely if it's just words it's been programmed with stories or someone sat there inputting stuff - so no porn would be involved.....right?

Oh yeah the chatbot thing is totally different, that one is just about how comfortable you are with it and how you perceive your husband. I can definitely see both sides and on balance its probably not that bad (just maybe a bit icky) But I don't think anyone was harmed or exploited in creating the content.

(Although there's an environmental argument against using AI as the servers required are absolutely chewing up electricity with the volume of people dabbling in it and the processing power required, a bit like mining for bitcoin and NFTs. I think that will be a conversation in the future)

I don't think this is how AI learning works. Yes it must have been taught about porn originally from actual porn but it doesn't need real images to generate AI images. AI can generate original images/text etc. That's the point.

Nope, I'm an illustrator and this is a massive issue in my industry as our work is scraped to create AI, so yeah it defintely requires real porn and alot of it to train itself and source from.

There will be alot of people wanting SA content but will think its ethical if AI generated, AI will need to view alot of SA content to create those images and videos. It uses an amalgamation of the info it has to create new content but it needs that base information to pick from. It is not 100% original and creative, it needs a source.

I thought, say he asked for an image of a blonde with big boobs (I kinda hopes he's more inventive than me!) yes it produceces and origianl image, but it can only do that because it's "seen" 1000's of real pictures of blondes with big boobs to know what one looks like.

I think that's what @Propertyshmoperty was getting at - OK it's not using real porn now, but it will have been fed 1000's of hours of it in the past to be able to produce the new images. So that abuse has still gone on to enable these new pictures (Propertyshomperty if I've got it wrong please correct me!)

Doh crowspost, you already answered! sorry!

I think for me what makes this different from reading a story is that he is using it as though it's a real person. He's using it specifically BECAUSE it is like talking to a real person and for me that is what makes the difference and makes it wrong, in the sense that using sex workers would be wrong for me.

I don't see a difference between using a real person to have a sex chat and using an AI as a real person to have a sex chat.

I don't know if you ever saw the TV program about realistic robots. It was a drama (edit I've looked it up, it was called Humans) and they explored this topic of how humans forget the robots are ai because they are so real and therefore they just treat them like people. But they also treat them really badly because they know somewhere in their minds that they are robots.

And also that because they then get used to treating the robot human badly that starts to translate into how they treat real humans and that is borne out by research around human behaviour. That men who use sex workers do push the boundaries and the more they can get them to do the worse they treat them. It's quite depressing really.

So actually depending on what your husband is into he could be getting into some really dark topics because he knows it's not a real person and he can really push the boundaries. And I think research bears that out as a general thing.

So that's why for me it would be an absolute no-go compared to reading a story which would be fine.

Havent read the whole thread but…. What if you walked into the bedroom and he was going for it on one of those rubber life size dolls/blow up doll? Its not technically cheating but it is weird asf. That would, as well as chatting to AI bots, turn me right off

The bloom stories chat bot I use has no images it’s a chat bot. There is an option to pay for AI generated voice messages. There must be women using it as the site is aimed at women and couples.

There will be as with anything dubious bots but I have not had any experience to suggest this is the case with this one and I do understand that there is need to be careful and that regulation.I would encourage anyone interested to read their faq’s as they cover how any discussion of criminality is not tolerated.

www.bloomstories.com/chat-faq