DH "sexting" AI

[AInamechange]

I'm a long time user, rarely post but have name changed for this. I looked for existing threads and think this is a new issue so yay for that I guess!

I used my husbands phone to call my own when I couldn't find it (common occurrence in my house, we both know each others lock codes - wasn't snooping!) and a recently used app along the bottom jumped out at me. I asked about it and he was quite open that it was an AI chat app and he's been using it to have sexual chats with AI "girls".

Now I'm not sure how I feel about it! I've sorted of been arguing with myself in circles. I mean there's no other actual person involved, so it's not cheating and there's no one being abused like if it were porn. Something still feels off about it, but nothing I can put into words. I wouldn't accept it, if he said he didn't like me using a toy or reading sexy stories when he's not there, So is this different?

Also my mum has been ill recently and I'm on medication that makes me tired early in the evening, so our sex life has all but dried up. I know he has the right to an "outlet" but emotionally my heart is matching my head and I feel upset he's feeling horny while I'm feeling awful! I wonder if that's really my issue?

So let me have it - am I being unreasonable and need to give my head a wobble, or is there something wrong with what he's doing that I can't find the words for?

Where did I say " having a wank" wasn't acceptable?
I'm talking about him using and interacting with a substitute woman. Someone who he is talking to as a real woman even if it is AI.

I must be a weirdo coz I actually find it kinda sweet...
Like he couldn't get off on the usual imagery and wanted more of a personality and conversation element.
It reminds me of my DH who I once asked if he ever looked at porn.. and he said once he'd been single for a few years and in order to jerk off had actually created a pretend girlfriend.. with some composite images of lingerie models and an elaborate backstory!!
I actually find it kinda nice that some men actually need some level of connection to feel aroused.
AI chat would kinda be like that wouldn't it? And just in words as well..
This wouldn't bother me.

It might bother me if we were having regular sex.. I'd feel like why aren't I enough? Why do you need a pretend girlfriend too??
But in your case you aren't having sex so...
I guess he just misses that kind of interaction. Can you blame him?
It's not like he's having an affair or paying a sex worker.

Just when you thought there's nothing else these men can do...🤦‍♀️

That's exactly the analogy I was thinking about: him using a sex doll as a substitute woman. It's really repulsive.
Tbh I'd find my partner more normal if he was actually sexting a real woman. Using an AI woman sounds really warped to me.

You can even design your own AI partner nowadays, male or female, just like specifying a new car. Its a funny old world.

I think he knows that an AI is not a real woman. Children know the difference between real and pretend.
Why would you conflate the two unless you think so little of women?

OK... why is interacting with an AI woman any different from imagining a woman who doesnt exist in your mind whilst masturbating?
What do you think of when you jerk off? Nothing? Only your partner??
I mean...
Is it cheating to imagine things?
Chat AI uses your own prompts and ideas to mirror stuff it thinks you want back to you...
It's basically quite near to your imagination isn't it. It's just kinda external rather than in your head

Yes its about control isnt it? You don't have to worry about or consider their feelings.

What are you talking about.. someone who feels the need to be sexual with a robot does have some kind of a problem.. Do you ppl not see the depths ppl are resorting to for sex. What the flip. It will obviously cause issues in people's relationships. The ai bot that's available 24 hours and say and does what ever the user wants... it will just just get worse and worse.

I’m on testosterone as part of my HRT (bear with me, this is going somewhere!) and a few months ago I accidentally started taking too much.

I started thinking about sex a LOT. I wanked every night. I imagined sex with random people on the bus. It was suddenly everywhere.

if DH had been ill and going to bed early I’d 💯 have been doing something like AI Filth Chat for fun and it 💯 wouldn’t have had anything to do with how I felt about him and 💯 I would have loved him and 💯 I’ve forgotten where this post was going.

in short, I wouldn’t worry. Focus on getting better soon. Let him pull his cock off to Slutty Alexa while you sleep.

But. It's not a real woman. He knows it's not a real woman. It's pretending.

I'm asking again what the difference is between this and imagination???
Your imagination is available 24/7. You can create characters and you don't need to care about how they will react because they aren't real and you design them..
It doesn't hold a candle to real life interaction..
Just like wanking doesn't hold a candle to real sexual intimacy with a real partner.
Seems to me like your stance is just a bit technophobic...
Would you say the sane to someone who read or wrote erotic stories???
Oh the world is ending! People are going to favour this over real sex!
No they aren't.
Not emotionally healthy people anyway.
It's basically just new technology doing something very old... writing erotic fiction in the first person

Well actually if you are in a loving monogamous relationship I do find the thought of imagining you are having sex with someone else instead of your partner being unfaithful to them.

I don't have a low opinion of women.
But I think he has a low opinion of OP if he prefers to imagine having sex with a robot rather than her.

I think it would bother me because it simulates an affair between your husband and another party with the human like interactions. The other party responds to him personally with compliments, flattery and dirty talk. Having a wank, reading novels on the other hand are primarily masturbation, with no interactivity with anyone else, human or not.

If you want to eventually get back to intimacy, especially one that’s realistically more difficult now with age, tiredness, medications etc it will make it harder, as he may be left feeling disappointed and underwhelmed.

Just like we never understood the full implications of the impact of the internet when it first started, it could lead to unforeseen consequences.

Wow well... I personally think that's quite invasive and intense.
I'd say most people.. if they are being completely honest.. at some point have thought about other people.. at the least imaginary people, or moments or memories regarding real or imaginary people.... whilst having sex with someone they love or whilst masturbating.
I would think that was totally normal and not at all cheating.

So you are using your partner's body but your mind is elsewhere? Sounds disrespectful to me.
BUT if that's what you and your partner are happy with then on you go.

Its nothing more than a stimulus to arouse and bring about ejaculation, all through words. I'd say its innocent really, although we don't know the nature of the chat. Perhaps its a pretend affair, perhaps its some properly kinky shiz. We need more details 🙃

😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆

If he was reading erotic literature it wouldn't bother me.
It is the fact he is talking to this robot as though he is interacting with a real woman. That is the sticking point for me. That is the bit that I find so disrespectful to OP.

Are you genuinely trying to tell me that all the times you've ever had sex with your partner, the entire time you are having sex, you think about nothing else but them? Are you genuinely trying to tell me you only think of your partner when you masturbate?

When I have sex literally millions of things go in and put of my mind.. sometimes I'm completely focused on what's going on with my husband in the moment.. sometimes I'm not.. occasionally random thought like 'what do I need to iron' pop into my head 🤣
I'm not 'using him' I love him. And I find him sexy and I very much enjoy having sex with him. But can I swear that I only ever think of him? No.
And I do not expect him to be only ever thinking of me. Because we are human beings and we've been together nearly twenty years.
What does he think about during sex or when he jerks off? I dunno. I'd ask out of interest rather than judgement but apart from the anecdote I mentioned up thread, he doesn't like to talk about it. Which is up to him. What goes on inside people's heads is up to them.. and can't and shouldn't be policed.

Actually I just mentioned this thread to him now and how interesting it was.. and he broadly agreed that people think of many things when they are having sex or masturbating, not just their partner..

You do you and I'll do me.

I think it’s weird and sad and pathetic. Ivyrosecrayon your DH sounds ridiculous.

It wouldn’t be ok for me but everyone is different I guess.
Perhaps look at ‘rekindling’ your sex life as I believe it’s very important in a relationship - your husband obviously thinks so too as he’s looking elsewhere.

There’s reports of men verbally abusing the AI chat bots.