Can't sleep, ex-cocklodger turning up at 7a.m. says he wants some of his stuff back ... left here 11 months ago.

[chanceornochance]

Just that.

Woke at 4.30 with a start. Going over and over in my mind what he might do.

(Don't know how to link to my old thread when the power of mumsnet got me through the weeks when he finally left this time last year.)

He was an alcoholic, lived in my house way past his welcome, sent me message last night saying he'd be here at 7 a.m. to take some stuff he left behind when he moved out.

Like, no. I'm not giving him, e.g., a table he "agreed" I could keep. He took so much stuff I'd bought him and was a real nasty arse when he left, and in the lead up to leaving, threatening to dismantle things, dig plants out the garden etc.

Last night I just thought I'd say no, go away. Now I'm kind of scared. I don't want to see him, talk to him, listen to his threats.

Tell him that you will not be answering the door .
He was probably drunk when he messaged.
If he turns up and harasses you then call the police.

Did you reply? If not, don't. He turns up (assuming you changed all the locks) you ignore him. He does anything 999.

I’m no expert at this situation but sounds horrible. How about not opening the door if he comes and asking him to give you a list of what he thinks might be his property for you to consider. Buys you some time to think how you want to respond. He might not turn up I suppose.

You do not have to answer the door.

Thank you. Truly. He might have been drunk.

I did reply. I said no, you left 11 months ago.

He can't get in the house. But my daughters are here, so I might sit in the front garden with a coffee. Because I really don't want him ringing the bell.

I will call the police if I need to.

It's horrible. I feel uncomfortable using the word, but I'm massively triggered. Shaking. Listening to cars in the street.

Probably best to get up.

None of this engaging on the property question. No engaging, no answering the door and call police if he starts shouting or banging or moving around the house. Do you have nice neighbours?

I'm not engaging on what he thinks I have of his. It's what he did endlessly in the past, threatening to take stuff, remove my access to it.

It's been nearly a year, he has no claim. I just wish I didn't feel like this.

And I wish my big, tough mate and his big, tough mates were here to sit casually in the garden with me for moral support.

Yes, my neighbours are nice.

Handhold.
Do not hesitate to ring 999 if threatening.

Wise words

I'm here.

Strangely enough it might be good for you to see him (literally, not for a chat). You will be looking at him with different eyes and you will see him as he actually is, a pathetic little loser and his spell over you will be broken. You have this. We have you

Thank you. I will call the police if I need to.

It's one of my biggest regrets that I didn't before, when he was here refusing to leave my house. He's a bully. And this now shows me that he still is.

I really appreciate your support and responsiveness, honestly. It's incredible.

Thank you.🌻

A chat with him is the last thing I need!

But, yes, he has no power over me. And I know his threats are pathetic (and pretty tragic really, like just buy a new plant etc), but it's also made me remember all the horrors of his past behaviours and cast his toxic cloud over my home again.

I'm glad of this conversation, thank you everyone.

Im here op, same advice as all the pp's. Also Im sorry that this pathetic arsehole is putting you through this again.

Good luck! Hope he doesn’t show

Good luck. You do not have to answer the door, let him or engage at all.

Can you maybe call the police now and tell them you are afraid he's coming over and what do they advise you do if he does. That way thell already have it on record?

Police Officer here, we advise keep your mobile fully charged and with you in case he turns up.

Make sure your front door is locked (some doors if your in the house anyone can walk in if the doors unlocked)

Also applies to the back door if he can get over the garden fence (never underestimate people!)

If he does turn up do not open the door and call 999

This prick again, @chanceornochance !
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4850203-hes-put-the-beer-down-do-i-give-him-one-more-chance-after-nearly-eight-years-of-drunken-hell

The time of day has been clearly chosen because you won't want him to kick off and disturb the neighbours so early, but unfortunately you're going to have to, as he cannot come in to your house.

If he was drunk texting you last night, is he likely able to show up at 7.30 even? Would he be likely hungover or forgotten?

Not helpful perhaps as him NOT showing up is worse in some ways but you know him better then us.

Shut down any conversation. Done engage, grey rock, drop the rope if you haven't already. Tell him to leave, tell him isn't getting in the house or getting your belongings. If it escalated in anyway threaten to call the police and then DO actually call then saying he won't leave. You may feel safer going into the house and locking the door to do so, so he can't snatch the phone off you or anything.

Thank you so much. I really appreciate this. All doors are locked.

Are there children involved?

Call the police. Lock your doors. Go upstairs of you are in a house. If its really his like clothes and things stick it in a bag.

I had this agro 2 years ago id tried to get it back to him and he wasnt bothered until he wanted his passport for a holiday. Then he started getting family involed making out i was obsessed with him and holding his stuff hostage.

Prick is right.

There's no way he's setting his nasty feet in this house again.

oh no… i see that you do have children who have already endured years of horror with this man

I also have kids. Its not fair so ring 101 and talk to the local police. They should have a word with him.