Can't sleep, ex-cocklodger turning up at 7a.m. says he wants some of his stuff back ... left here 11 months ago.

[chanceornochance]

Just that.

Woke at 4.30 with a start. Going over and over in my mind what he might do.

(Don't know how to link to my old thread when the power of mumsnet got me through the weeks when he finally left this time last year.)

He was an alcoholic, lived in my house way past his welcome, sent me message last night saying he'd be here at 7 a.m. to take some stuff he left behind when he moved out.

Like, no. I'm not giving him, e.g., a table he "agreed" I could keep. He took so much stuff I'd bought him and was a real nasty arse when he left, and in the lead up to leaving, threatening to dismantle things, dig plants out the garden etc.

Last night I just thought I'd say no, go away. Now I'm kind of scared. I don't want to see him, talk to him, listen to his threats.

Speak to the police. You should not be intimidated or frightened in your own home. In a way, it’s a form of harassment and stalking. They should advise you / act.

Oooops I see you have contacted the police. Good

@chanceornochance Can't you just dump his things in. the garden ?
I'm amazed you still have them..Get rid of them, get his presence out of the house entirely.

What a wanker.

@chanceornochance - sent you a PM x

Can you not put anything that is his in the front garden and lock all the doors?

I could. But his presence is out the house. The plants he wants are in (my) big pots in the back garden. I'm not digging them out and I'm not letting him come and get them! The table, I found it secondhand, knew it was nice (think gplan) and a bargain, he happened to pay (peanuts) for it. He specifically left it here (as a trade for other stuff). Everythihg else that was his that he's hassled me about (old TV, kitchen things - a meat tenderiser, ffs, the Xmas lights) are all gone. I didn't want to see them, use them, clutter my life with them.

Honestly, I realise I sound a bit deranged, but after he left he kept himself in my life e.g. by not redirecting his mail, by fucking me around with bloody virgin media etc etc. I feel pretty sure that if I handed over stuff now he'd insist on other things, ask for a different plant, say I owed him for his old TV. You get the picture!

Someone upthread mentioned my "get off my land" stance. I'd not articulated it like that to myself, but that's exactly what it was. And he realised it. Not wishing to be a clichéd armchair (garden bench) psychologist, but like all bullies he's a coward really and his tricks depend on other people feeling intimidated by him.

The human goodness of everyone here helped me not to be intimidated; he knew I wasn't scared of him. Again, thank you.

I'm wondering if in his deluded mind he thought you were shaking your head as you had someone there so now wasn't the time.

Honestly, I realise I sound a bit deranged, but after he left he kept himself in my life e.g. by not redirecting his mail, by fucking me around with bloody virgin media etc etc. I feel pretty sure that if I handed over stuff now he'd insist on other things, ask for a different plant, say I owed him for his old TV. You get the picture!

You don't sound deranged, you sound perceptive. It's called 'leaving your coat behind the door' and is a recognised dick move.

I would have told you to stay indoors but I think you in the garden messed with his mental image of what he would do (ring the bell, disturb you) so he drove off. Rocking chair on the porch with a shotgun vibes

I could almost hear the Duellin' Banjos playing ...

I agree you don’t sound deranged at all. In the first year after we split, my ex Fucked about with my tv licence, used my credit card details, fucked about sending me random things in the post like an expired library card. I ignored it all, just made a note of things and obviously cancelled my credit card. In the years that followed it was solicitors letters demanding random things like a fucking blind. 7 fucking years of it.

They’re pathetic abusers jumping up and down shouting look at me look at me look at me and stamping their feet when you don’t, until they get more and more aggressive. You’re right to be vigilant. All you can do is ignore them and hope they’ll eventually get bored or find someone else to occupy their minds. Hopefully he’ll leave you alone now.

Did anything come of this are you ok?

Thank you. I am okay.

He did his drive by, and drove off.

I haven't heard from him since, and have logged it with the police.

Felt the last few days feeling awful, it is like he casts a toxic cloud over me, nasty. But much more settled now and confident that's the end of it.

I appreciate you asking, thank you 😊

Oh god, this reminds me what if feels like when the bailiffs threaten to come and take all your shit. If it was me I'd just locke the door, with the key in it. You could always put a note on the door saying do not knock and go away or you'll call the police

They do this as a control tactic. I had someone seriously demand back a pack of chicken they had bought. No shame or dignity. If you can have a family member around while he collects things I think that would be best. Otherwise I would just send one last text to say to leave you alone to you will report to the police and then block,

Wow I hope you’re ok ! This is a nightmare and totally unfair I’d give him nothing , keep secure at the house and inform police if he tries again x