Those that have been together for a very long time, could I just ask. Over the span - have you e

[Vibing]

ever had a row and said you were splitting up? Like a...'thats it ive had enough of your BS' moment. But you both somehow continue to work on things and lster down the line its repeated?

Im trying to gauge if its growing pains in a relationship and everyone at some point has enough or if my 5 year relationship is not healthy

Not in 29 years, no neither of us have ever said that. I haven't even thought it, i don't think my husband has either. But neither of us are quick to anger, he apparently thinks he's lucky to have me, I know I am very lucky to have him. We sometimes argue but we talk it through.

We both said things like “I can’t take it any more” and “I’m done, I just can’t take it anymore” BUT crucially we both always knew it wasn’t about the other person. It was always when we were in the trenches with babies and toddlers and ill health and demanding relatives and busy work and life with all our responsibilities was getting too much. We have always, ALWAYS, both known that we are in this through thick and thin, forever.

And, as time has gone on, I think having weathered those storms together, helped each other at our lowest points, has made us so appreciative of each other, and that mutual respect and stoicism and support - and love - has built our relationship to what it is now.

Been together 21 years and never said or even thought it.

35 years married and mostly very happy. But we both have tempers and have said that many times. We mean it in the heat of the moment but when the moments pass, we don’t. But that’s just us

Yes, 22 years here and have said this to each other in the heat of the moment a few times over the years. We made a packed not to go to bed on an argument so always seem to sort things out.

No, we rarely argue and love each other deeply and have a great deal of respect. We’ve had probably 5 big arguments in 26 years but big arguments by our standards are probably not big by others. Neither of us have ever threatened to leave or divorce. We work at our marriage but also think we’re incredibly lucky that we were very good friends first

Been together over 30 years. I think we have probably said just about everything to each other over the years. In the first few years we had epic fights, which I think were probably fairly productive in terms of both staking out our boundaries and what we do and don't find acceptable. I don't know if we ever told each other we would be splitting up, but we probably did.

Nowadays we rarely fight, and I'll admit I miss having it out sometimes. But we are too old and wise and we know when one of us is picking a fight that it's not personal, so the other just doesn't engage and the fight just doesn't happen.

No because I'm not one for saying daft things I don't mean, even in an argument.
The time I said we should split up, I ment it and so we did after 12 years. If someone said it to me, I'd take it seriously the first time. If they backtracked the next day, we'll that's just tough.
I feel its quite emotionally immature to spout BS in the heat of the moment.

Married for 27 years and no, that's never been said here, not even close.

This is it, isn't it? I have said to my DH a number of times in the last few years that if 'x' isn't addressed, I will have to look at divorce. It's been the only way to force him to acknowledge my needs in the marriage. Not that he's in the slightest bit perturbed by my saying it - he thinks he's fantastic and can't even contemplate why someone might want to leave him. I really should leave him.

Married 14 years this year and I've only ever said I want to end things once (about 10 years ago) and it was because DH was being a verbally abusive twat. He got therapy (and a LOT of it) and I've never had to say it again.

Been together for 30 years and yes, this is something I’ve said in the heat of the moment or in rough patches.

It is borne from watching my DM struggle in a difficult marriage for the entirety of my childhood when I would wish dearly that they would split up. In tougher times it is a very strong feeling for me that I don’t want to be on the same merry-go-round as my mother or to inflict that on my children.

But the truth is that my marriage is different and fundamentally more healthy, and capable of moving past those moments without them necessarily signalling that we’ve moved past a point of no return.

Almost 40 years. No. Never.

I was married 27 yrs, until my husband's death. Yes, that happened a few times in the early days. Judging from conversations I've had with widow pals that's not uncommon.

Together 27 years. Had a few moments of thinking this was it. I told him we were never getting divorced so stop with the nonsense and just get on with everything.

I'm divorcing him now but this was because of something he said 100%. But I know now there were other issues but the words were the catalyst and it's only looking back now do I see what was wrong.

Yup early on but now never row at all you grow out of it by picking your battles and ultimately understanding most of it is petty. I was trying to remember our usual argument but can't remember now! Been together 30 years

Together over 20 years and yes, ever since he said it in an argument because he can’t communicate difficult things. Something did break then but we didn’t split but it’s always there.
My friends the same age as me are either divorced already or have seriously considered it at some point without exception. We all got married around the same time about 30. I’ve known them a long long time and we talk openly about this stuff.

Been together 35 years and during the years when children were very young, things were often said when we rowed, one of us would say 'thats it, I'm done', but obviously slept on it and forgiven/forgot. Happily married now. Most long marriages go through sticky patches.

Think that's so important to have separate friendships. We're the same, but I know some couples where they're joined at the hip, and wouldn't dream of going for a coffee or catch up independent of their husband/partner.

No, we've been together 24 yrs and married 18 and have never had a row get to that point. We've disagreed on things and at times been unhappy with each others decisions which we've discussed and found a compromise on but we've never had a blazing row or shouted at each other. We have both set some firm lines in the sand, cheating in any form (kissing emotional affair, sleeping with someone) is not something either of us could get over for example and I've explicitly stated that if he ever does then that would be a relationship ended for me immediately.

Once during our first year of marriage , I think we just hadn’t made the adjustments we needed for each other and been fine since

Only once -when we were going through a really rough patch-in 14 years and I was actually ready to walk. Went to stay with a friend and told him to think really well about what he wants. Neither of us has said it seriously since.

No.

Married 47 years, no I've never threatened divorce. We have had some verbal fights, quite bad when the DCs were young and things were difficult financially for us, but never contemplated throwing in the towel.

We both said things like “I can’t take it any more” and “I’m done, I just can’t take it anymore”

Same here, @masomenos, we’ve both said that we can’t tolerate certain behavior or situations anymore, but we didn’t mean that we wanted to split up. We needed certain things to change, we changed them, and moved on.

Behavior-wise, it’s usually been me who needed to change I used to be a bit of a fuss, I’m much more laid-back now. 😂