Those that have been together for a very long time, could I just ask. Over the span - have you e

[Vibing]

ever had a row and said you were splitting up? Like a...'thats it ive had enough of your BS' moment. But you both somehow continue to work on things and lster down the line its repeated?

Im trying to gauge if its growing pains in a relationship and everyone at some point has enough or if my 5 year relationship is not healthy

Dh and I have been together for 15 years. We’ve never had an argument that ended in us saying we wanted to split up, no. We do have arguments, on occasion, but never nasty ones. We’ve never split up, never even thought about it.

Not once in 24 years. As previously said, it'd be a bell that could never be unrung.

I’ve been married for 40 years ( yes, I’m ancient) and the most difficult part was when the DC were little. We had 4 in 5 years (don’t ask!) but once they were all out of nappies and feeding themselves, it got so much better . We have a good relationship but we have separate friendships as well as people we know as a couple, and I think that helps us appreciate each other more. He’s retired now but I’m still working part time so we’re not together 100% of the time.

Been together 26 years, married for 23. Never really thought of splitting. There have been one or two rough patches, especially when DD was young, but the only time splitting was ever mentioned was when his drinking got out of control. The mere mention was enough to make him face up to it. And I honestly think it's because it's the ONLY time it's ever been mentioned.

No, in nearly 20 years we have never said that

17 years and no, never said that. We're unusual though I think in that we don't row. We'll have occasional arguments, but they've never involved raising our voices, swearing at each other or trying to hurt each other.

We have never had that sort of argument. We have been married 18 years together 20 and have never threatened to through in the towel.

There have been times when I have thought to myself that my life would be much easier single, and times when I’ve asked DH if he would be happier living apart, but no there has never been a time when either of us has either asked for a divorce, or actually said to the other one that we want to split up. That or an affair would be a line in the sand for me.

23 years and no. We had rough patches, don't get me wrong, but no not like that. I think it's something once out that cannot be unsaid.

DH and I have been a couple for 20 years and have never said this sort of thing to each other.

Never. 22 years and counting.

If you threaten to leave when you don't mean it, then you are only saying it to hurt the other and make them insecure or get them to back down out of fear you'll go. The type of person who thinks that emotional blackmail is acceptable for getting their own way is not someone I want to be with.

30+years- no, never.

Together over 30 years, married over 25 years. Yes in the early days I used to think about packing a bag and going to a hotel. I’m sure he thought it too. But it was never over anything major, just silly family stuff and both being not quite mature enough. We’ve both grown up a lot and are very happy together

I've been married for 26 years and I'd say the first three years were the hardest. It got easier from then on. Now we're, I dunno, just family iyswim. It's comfy. Laid back.

I've thought it to myself occasionally (not recently) but never said it out loud. And we never really have rows.
As the decades roll by, you learn to compromise and to appreciate what you do have, not focus on what is missing. However much they may irritate you, be very sure that you irritate them just as much - if not more! None of us is perfect.
It also helps to live a very independent life from your spouse, so that they are not the "be all and end all", and vice versa.
(I obviously make exception for abuse & violence, clearly not acceptable).

No never in 17 years together. That just can't be unsaid.

No never…..been together 38 years ( I’m 59) ….3 kids….argue loads but mainly bickering

Threatening "I want a divorce" when you maybe don't mean it is one thing, saying "unless we address X, we can't carry on".

One is a threat and one is communicating like an adult.

Close to 30 years together.

We had a perfect storm of utter misery as our DD died and then DH sister behaved badly I was also in early menopause. We discussed breaking up then, I wasn’t myself at all. We rode it out and our DS actually intervened. It was close to a year of upset. I was mentally unbalanced by DD dying. We came back stronger than ever and I feel extremely lucky we managed to get through it.

That has been the only truly stressful time.

Yes!

Together 9 years so not v long term. Neither of us have ever said or (I think - hope) thought it. If either of us said that it would be taken very seriously because it would take a lot for things to get to that point. We would most likely be done.

@ViciousCurrentBun So very sorry for the loss of your DD. 💐💐

11 years married so not long as such. But yes, came very close on 2 occasions where divorce was mentioned and discussed but resolved after a few days both times. We are definitely getting better at communicating and understanding each other. It’s always said in the heat of the moment and out of desperation on both sides.

Not since 1992, no.

15 happy years and no. Never even thought it let alone said it. If we were at the point of saying that to each other, id have to think long and hard about the relationship.