I'm aware I'm going to get absolutely slated for this and I a million percent deserve it. It might be quite long so thank you if you stay with me.
I am not married, I have a long term partner of five years, we have a 2yo. He works full time, I am a SAHM mum for the time being though a qualified HCP. He provides financially for us and as far as he is concerned we have a very good relationship. However for the last 18 months or so I've been utterly miserable. He showsw absolutely no affection, no intimacy and lack of respect. He treats me like a maid, does nothing around the house or with childcare. No cooking, no cleaning, nothing. Yes he works full time but he says because he works he doesn't need to help out at home and "it's my job"..
We have not had proper sex for almost two years. He never instigates it with me, and if I instigate i get turned down so I stopped trying. Though he is happy to demand oral at anytime and if I refuse he kicks off. There is little affection and I just feel like he is disgusted by me although when I have asked him why we don't have a sexual relationship he doesn't really have an answer just says he can't be bothered, is tired etc I've convinced myself he is not attracted to me although when I have asked he is adamant that's not the reason. This jas left me feeling undesirable and just miserable and frustrated. Our relationship is very much he wears the trousers and I'm expected to just follow along for his wants and needs. He is a good man deep down and is a good dad when he actually does spend time with DS which is rare and I do love him very much, even after all this the thought of not having him in my life panics me.
Anyway, I have a friend/neighbour, I've known him for a while and weve always got on very well and became close friends, as far as I was concerned up until recently it was a very platonic friendship and we confided in each other over the years of our relationship woes and such and he has been in a similar position as me for quite some time.
The other day he made a comment to me about finding me attractive and always has and that I'm girlfriend material etc etc. we passed some flirtatious messages back and forth. The next day he knocked on door while partner was at work and was very forward with his thoughts and intentions, I originally declined his offer and off he went. Anyway he has been very persistent over the last couple days and a the long and short is that we ended up having sex with each other.
I feel absolutely disgusted and sick to my stomach about it and wracked with guilt. Yes we have our issues but I know that this would break my partners heart and he would be devastated and I know our relationship would be over. Other blocked GF is very paranoid and from what I hear is already suspicious of our friendship and I feel if she was to find out she would waste no time in telling my partner. Which in fairness I couldn't blame her. But now I'm absolutely panicking. I know what I've done is wrong and I can't believe I've actually done it. I always said I would never be that person who cheats but on the other hand it felt so good to be physically desired and wanted by someone and just be actually touched by some one in an intimate way after such a long time felt good, it's a bonus that me and this person get on so well also as we do have a connection.
I've made it clear to neighbour that this is a one off and I do not wish to do it again and he has said that he wants it to happen again and he likes me alot and has made hints of us one day in the future being an item, I've made it clear I've no intention to leavey partner and that this was infact just a physical thing for me.
I don't know what to do. I feel so guilty and also so scared because I feel like these things always come out in the end and I'm dreading the day it does. I could own up and risk everything, I know my partner will chuck me out, I'll have nowhere to go with a toddler in tow and I'm completely financially dependant on my partner. Or I say nothing and hope he never finds out and live with the guilt.
Can anyone offer any advice. I know I'll get absolutely slated for this but I had to say all this somewhere.