This isn't ok is it?

[IamaRevenant]

I feel like on my relationship I've lost all concept of what's ok. Can someone tell me if this is normal/ok?

I've just been in hospital for 5 days for a chronic illness so I'm aware I'm not looking my best. This morning I hugged my husband and he looked at my face and said 'look at how beautiful you aren't'

Is this ok? A joke? I'm already feeling quite fragile so I don't trust myself to make a judgement call. He's acting like what he said was fine

Of course this isnt ok- he's an absolute piece of shit.

How dare he.

And he of course is Adonis. I am so angry on your behalf I don’t have words.

What the actual hell! No he’s a total jerk. Is he normally that callous and deliberately hateful?

No it’s not ok! What is he like usually?

What the literal, actual fuck? Straight in the bin. All the way to the bottom with the bin juice.

😱

My dp have a kind of jokey relationship where we insult each other all the time.

However neither of us would say something shitty like that when the other was feeling crap and vulnerable. In fact we would go out of our way to make sure the other felt comfortable and good about themselves.

What's he like usually?

Oh God. My DP might gently agree I'm not looking my best in that situation, if I raised it first. But out of nowhere like that is just CRUEL.

That's cruel. Who does he think he is to be deliberately hurtful like that?

It wasn't funny. It wasn't kind. It wasn't loving.

You've had a tough time. Any loving husband would be trying to help your recovery, emotionally as well as physically.

Is this usual behaviour or an ill-timed act of insanity?

No, it's not ok. Its cruel and nasty and says a lot about him as a person- nothing good.

It takes a particularly weak man to kick you while you're down. Does he have form for needing your attention on him at all times? God forbid you should need to think about something else for a while. I hope you'll be feeling better soon

In my relationship that would be a fine comment if one of us woke up after a late night / night out and looked a bit rough!

After 5 days in hospital battling an illness?! Hell no! My DH wouldn't even admit I looked rough last week when I'd been up vomiting with a bug and had literal sick in my hair 😂 your husband was a bit cruel to say that imo.

Are you certain he didn't say 'how beautiful you ARE'?

If not, it's such a bizarre thing to say and such an odd turn of phrase. I'd definitely be asking why he said it.

Absolute dick move by him. Talk about kicking someone when they're down.

Bit of a 🚩

No, that's absolutely not acceptable and not a joke. He's a cunt. Sorry OP.

Of course it is not okay. Like WTAF?! 🤯🚩

Its absolutely NOT "ok"- its a vile thing to say to someone straight out of hospital when they're feeling vulnerable.

Tell him "look at how big your dick ISNT" and see if he will lol and think that's "ok". My guess is he wont find that "joke" quite so hilarious then

Not normal. Been married for 13 years and I'd be so hurt at that comment. I grew up with a Dad who verbally and emotionally abused my Mother. He tore her self-esteem down word by word, 'big girl, fat bastard, who would have you with your baggage' all in the name of his so called 'banter'. Made it feel normal until I was old enough to see otherwise.

I had my hair done yesterday and the stylist who's only 21 and has lost her Mum recently told me how her older boyfriend of one year says things when she's getting undressed like 'God a year ago I'd have been all over you seeing you get changed' and 'God you look like your Dad' (who she doesn't like and said with a sneer on his face) this poor girl had a little weep in the salon over this POS boyfriend. They've only been together a year and half and he's vile to her. Funnily enough the first few months he was totally love-bombing her. It makes me sick how they can sniff out the vulnerability and those women without a decent support system.

Do yourself a favour OP and make plans to leave this man because that is not love. I promise you it's not and it will only get worse.

for you post-op and beyond.

Sorry *post hospital stay, since you didn't mention an op. Silly me.

This is pretty typical behaviour tbh. I have BPD which means I'm dependent basically. I have a history of shit relationships.

And no he's no adonis! I'm also the breadwinner. Everyone says he's punching, all my friends and family want me to leave him and think I can do better. Thanks all, I think this is the kick up the arse I need

We have a jokey relationship, we'd say this sort of thing to each other.

Tone is context

Everyone says he's punching, all my friends and family want me to leave him and think I can do better. Thanks all, I think this is the kick up the arse I need

Listen to your family/friends OP (and us lol) -you can do better and you do deserve better x

You'd say that to your wife/partner who'd been in hospital for 5 days with a chronic illness?

It's fuck all to do with tone, it was cruel pure and simple

Ha. He has a tiny penis and is asexual. He's not a catch, I don't know why I've stayed

Listen to your family and friends. Tell him he won't have to look at your "not beautiful" face for much longer.