I absolutely despise my husband, for no real reason

[WhereDoWeGoFromHereHmmm]

I'm really struggling at the moment with family life. Married for 15 years with 3 young children.

DH has many great attributes, he's clever and gentle, funny and relaxed and we agree about loads of big issues in life. He adores the children.

The problem is, I just hate him. I can't explain it but I hate him. He can do nothing right. I spend my whole time seething at him and imaging buying a little house to live in with just the children. I don't know whether it's really him, or my age/stage, or something else? I know he's a nice guy, we generally rub along well, but honestly if he came into the room to say he was leaving me I would dance a jig.

What is happening? Can this be recovered? I don't want to blow up our family's life just to find out I'm a grumpy seething ball of hatred on my own as well.

This thread isn’t about you.
Sorry.

Maybe start your own thread about how chuffed you are with yourself?

Maybe.
Also I'm 45, not 25, so I have plans how not to turn my life "grim", as a PP said.😜
Surely this thread isn't about me, however what fascinates me still nowadays - why don't more women just put themselves first, as life is really quite short.

OP, you work 3 days a week. Do you resent your colleagues/employers/clients and the time and effort spent with, on and for them?

I've read this multiple times and can't understand the point you're making. No I don't resent work or my colleagues etc. I absolutely love my career. It's a massive part of who I am. He respects that entirely.

My DH doesn't really work. He has a massive investment portfolio he manages for a few hours a week, as and when he chooses. It brings in all the income he wants. The rest of the time he doesn't pull his weight in the house. That's the nub of it.

I wasn't making a point, I was asking a question. Your answer suggests that it's not your husband you resent but your children.

How do you work that out?

She resents the person not pulling his weight.

As would most of us on here

Does it? Ok well for the avoidance of doubt I don't resent my children. It's hard going but no resentment.

My husband is not employed. He is 40. He has 3 young children. He spends a few hours a week (if that - some weeks he doesn't bother if nothing needs done) managing his investments online.

I work 3 days in a demanding role, but one I love.

I am picking up the vast, vast majority of the drudge work in the house. There is a lot of that. We are very privileged but that does not mean I don't find it hard and I shouldn't feel resentful.

I'm trying to figure out how to right the ship, and how to understand his behaviour. I'm trying to work out how we reached this place and where to go from here.

@WhereDoWeGoFromHereHmmm What are your thoughts on all the comments about outsourcing all the domestic work? Is that something you could do? Tell him to use his precious time finding someone for the job, as in exactly 2 weeks, you're downing tools.

OP what does he do all day?

OP

Your thread title says you despise him for no reason but that's not strictly true. Your reasons are very clear. Paying others to do the domestic drudgery would not be solving the real problem which is that he's happy for you to do it all and he's a lazy git. A rich one yes but a lazy and selfish one.

Agree with this. Go see your doctor about your feelings. I wanted to literally stab my husband. But I loved him. It was like a raging demon inside of me.

Haha.. I was chopping veg and I could have happily used that knife. I had to put it down! It’s like a volcano rage!!

I'm peri and atm I cannot stand my husband.
But didn't realise the connection, so thank you for this post.

You've had lots of constructive comments. One thing that occured to me is that you're working three days and he's working a few hours. Does that mean you are stuck in the house together a lot of the remaining time? If so, that won't be helping either.

If he isn’t willing to do stuff, he can at least be responsible for stuff. He has money which he throw at the problem but make him responsible for the emotional and actual labour of employing someone to do this. Tell him you’d like to be away as much as he is and leave him to it,

Ive felt like this for months csnt seem to shake.off the rage feeling sometimes im fine other times the kids and the husband just annoy me so much like they dont even care about me