Mumsnet double standards?

[Runaway123]

So there are always lots of threads on here about women in pieces with finding out husbands have been messaging other women/having emotional affairs (not talking full on physical affairs here). I myself was one of these asking for advice when I had a situation like this.
All advice on my thread and any other thread like this was the same, LTB, he's a pig, these men are terrible, you'd be better off without them, I couldn't be with someone like this, you'll never trust again, he's disrespected you etc etc.
Fair enough, BUT, there's a recent thread on here full of women who all appear to be having these emotional type affairs, texting other men etc, some of you saying how you can't stop thinking of them. But whilst also having partners and family's (indeed some saying how lovely their actual husbands are) and all supporting each other and going as far as saying it's men your texting that are all to blame. It's always the men's fault!
I don't get it. Why the double standards. Why does it sean perfectly acceptable for women to be having these emotional type affairs situations, but when a man does it, it's awfull terrible, the woman should leave them etc.
Am I missing something? No one on the current thread I'm talking about seams to care how their husband would feel if they knew they couldn't stop thinking about another man, or indeed how these other men's wives would feel if they knew what their husbands were doing with you!
Aware this might cause a bit of controversy, but I'm genuinely intrigued about this. Are there two different types of people on mumsnet? And if so, the women who are in these emotional type things with another man, where are you when someone posts about their husband doing this with advice saying " it's ok, it happens, doesn't mean husband doesnt love you as I'm doing it and I still love my husband"
Does anyone else agree (or disagree ) with me? And if disagree, why? I'm interested in your thoughts munsnetters!

The behaviour of women on this site that conflicts with the standard expected of men is mostly ignored by a significant number of responses. Some replies in this thread are already attempting to give complex and sophisticated explanations and excuses for why this is the case.
Who cares, Mumsnet only vaguely represents real life anyway.

I bet it’s 2 different groups of people posting.

I generally swerve the posts by cheaters but sometimes offer advice on the cheated as that’s the position I was in. I have sympathy for women who didn’t know that the man had a woman until later so would offer sympathy as I think it’s not her fault but I don’t offer sympathy to cheaters.

That was my point earlier. You feel
happy to post when supporting a woman cheated on, but understandably do not post where the woman is doing the cheating. It’s about the overall culture of the site and is what makes it seem biased.

I agree there are certain 'house' views on MN, and if you disagree you can be a bit of a lone voice on a thread. Cheating is a good example, as it tends to arouse a consensus of extremely strong feelings, with cheats being the lowest of the low.
Where I would disagree is that this is applied differently to women as any woman posting on here that she's cheating on her husband or that she's the 'other woman' is usually torn to shreds, with other women in particular often getting far harsher judgement than the man they cheat with. Which i think is reflective of the higher bar set for womens behaviour.
The EA threads tend to spark a gentler response, but the overriding view is that the woman should stop. I don't think I've ever seen a poster egging a woman on to cheat. Not saying there never has been, but I'd say so rare they hardly constitute a pattern.

An extreme example perhaps but I recall a guy posting a few months ago about his female partner physically attacking him. The responses ran the gamut of 1- sympathy for him/LTB, 2 - she is prob stressed and couldn't help it, 3 - You must have deserved it somehow and do you do housework etc.The thread was pulled after a day or two. It's hard to imagine a similar female poster getting similar treatment.

I think people respond to things that relate to or care about the most.
I also think some people just want an argument.

If you read mumsnet (and live in the real world) you’ll realise that whenever women do cheat, there’s a bloody good reason for it. People like to think that, all being equal, everything is the same but it’s not. Men cheat because they are selfish and they can, women do it because they are neglected or abused. Full stop.

The double standards on here are so out of control it’s hilarious. People either can’t see it or if they do go to all sorts of lengths to justify them, which often makes it even more hilarious.

Literally the reply men get on the other hand women are told to torch him 🫠 LTB and take him for every penny!!! Haha women are mental and i am one! I did see a thread where women were discussing EA and trying to overcome them, very supportive i must say 🙈🙈

Is that genuine or sarcasm? I can't tell. I'm sure there are also selfish women and neglected men in the world..

I completely agree. Mumsnet is the home of double standards. It is shocking.

Well I haven’t seen anyway, and I’ve been on this planet long enough. Maybe these mythical neglected men and selfish women are as common as these non racist white people I keep hearing so much about.

Mumsnet is not a hive mind.

Because its a site for women, not for men.

Oh I don't know about double standards - I've seen many a thread on here from women saying they are cheating on their partners or are the OW in a relationship with a married man, and they've had their arse handed to them on a plate.

Yes, the cheating men in these relationships come in for some stick too - and so they bloody well should. They are cheating on their current partners (or knowingly having an affair with someone already in a relationship), and are blamed for that. It isn't all one-sided, not by a long way.

Neither the women nor the men come out of it smelling of roses.

Yes but that's not the point though - wrong is wrong, regalrdess of the site is for! With mindset like this, you can't really expect men to have any respect for you

I see all the "Not all Mumz" are out in force

This. It’s not double standards unless it’s the same posters thinking something is ok for women and not men.

My ‘standards’ are the same for women and men.

You genuinely think if women are more supportive of men on Mumsnet they'll get more respect from men in real life?

That's a wild theory.

No, you justified the double standards by saying its a women's site so they can do as they please - yet at the same time complain when men don't respect, or return the same favour - do you not see what's wrong with that?

I think people are simply pointing out that the use of the term double standards isn't appropriate unless you are talking about the SAME poster saying one thing if it's a man and another if its a woman.

Exactly this.

I have (perhaps a little naively) been taken aback by the amount of man-haters on MN. I'm very much a strong feminist, but absolutely do not accept the rhetoric that all men are, in essence, evil.
But when I have pointed this put or indeed looked at things from the point of view of a husband in a situation, I have been told I MUST be a man and a highly misogynistic one at that!

You genuinely believe to be a feminist you have to hate all men?!!!

Orrrr… that poster isn’t genuine at all…