Mumsnet double standards?

[Runaway123]

So there are always lots of threads on here about women in pieces with finding out husbands have been messaging other women/having emotional affairs (not talking full on physical affairs here). I myself was one of these asking for advice when I had a situation like this.
All advice on my thread and any other thread like this was the same, LTB, he's a pig, these men are terrible, you'd be better off without them, I couldn't be with someone like this, you'll never trust again, he's disrespected you etc etc.
Fair enough, BUT, there's a recent thread on here full of women who all appear to be having these emotional type affairs, texting other men etc, some of you saying how you can't stop thinking of them. But whilst also having partners and family's (indeed some saying how lovely their actual husbands are) and all supporting each other and going as far as saying it's men your texting that are all to blame. It's always the men's fault!
I don't get it. Why the double standards. Why does it sean perfectly acceptable for women to be having these emotional type affairs situations, but when a man does it, it's awfull terrible, the woman should leave them etc.
Am I missing something? No one on the current thread I'm talking about seams to care how their husband would feel if they knew they couldn't stop thinking about another man, or indeed how these other men's wives would feel if they knew what their husbands were doing with you!
Aware this might cause a bit of controversy, but I'm genuinely intrigued about this. Are there two different types of people on mumsnet? And if so, the women who are in these emotional type things with another man, where are you when someone posts about their husband doing this with advice saying " it's ok, it happens, doesn't mean husband doesnt love you as I'm doing it and I still love my husband"
Does anyone else agree (or disagree ) with me? And if disagree, why? I'm interested in your thoughts munsnetters!

And the people who shout 'man hater' at every opportunity are often exactly the same people as the mysogynists.

I agree with you @Runaway123 , men tend to get more stick for things that women wouldn’t.
A example I read earlier today .
A couple ( can't recall if they are/were married)
They have 13 Yr old and 6yr old .
Dcs live with mum
Mum doesn't get dcs up for school, both regularly miss school because she is still in bed
Dad asking for advice how to get dcs to school.

Replies come back , she may have depression, mental health issues, stress Etc, now while this is certainly possible if it was the dad not getting the dcs to school he would get called all names under the sun.

"Double standard would be if the man that is been cheated post for advice and he would been told forgive your cheater partner, she is ace and it is all on you matey."

Tbf that's not far off what some posters do respond to men who have been the wronged party in an affair. 😂😂😂

"There must be a reason"

"Do you do your share of the housework"

"Is she the default parent"

"Who takes on the mental load"

I’d have to see the actual thread, but are you really surprised that PEOPLE (men and women) who engage in emotional affairs, make excuses for them? That’s not a double standard.

you can guarantee, no. matter what the subject matter you will always get one or 2 people saying LTB! i myself asked for advice yesterday, and i categorically stated i was not leaving my husband, i just wanted advice.. and i did get people suggesting that i was thinking of leaving him, or that i should leave him!

i've had my fair share of 'wrong un's' but i do feel sorry sometimes for the man beating that goes on, and i've now decided to just ignore from now on

Man haters - what exactly passes for hatred towards men? Don’t you think you’re being rather dramatic to use the word hate? I mean plenty of men wank over women being choked and hurt on PornHub but they aren’t called woman haters, and that’s getting off on real life women being abused, not just words from a stranger on the internet. There seems to be very different standards as to what constitutes a man hater and a woman hater.

I think you’ve misremembered that thread, because strangely, both were not late for school, the 6 year old was at school on time, which didn’t make any sense until you read his other threads about how the son is almost 6 foot tall and hits his mother.

I didn't see your thread I don't think, so don't know what your issue was. But generally speaking, what can people say? My husband does this or that that I don't like...what can I do? Broadly speaking there's only three possibilities. Put up with it (which presumably you don't want to or you wouldn't have posted) Talk to him and ask him not to (well surely you would have tried that) or if its intolerable, you'll have to leave him. Because none of us can force a man to drink less, stop texting the 20 year old intern, do his share with the children, and if asking him doesn't work all that's left is put up with it and remain unhappy, or leave him. People responding don't have magic solutions. All they can do is tell you if they think you should be putting up with it or leaving and that will vary depending on individual posters tolerance levels.

The only double standard I sometimes see is around sex, if men don’t want to have sex with their partners a common response is that might be gay or having a affair or they need to a see a GP as they have some thing wrong with them

whereas women are just told if you don’t want sex don’t have sex

Given the nature of the site and the nature of people, double standards are inevitable.

What's less easy to explain is the insistence of so many that there are no double standards; that is border-line delusional

Many of the women who post on MN have obviously had awful experiences caused by men they were, or still are, in relationships with. This is bound to influence their judgement and reflect on how they view all men. The default assumption often seems to be : ‘All men are bastards, all women are victims’.
This appears to be the justification for the egregious double standards on show here every day.

I think people are simply pointing out that the use of the term double standards isn't appropriate unless you are talking about the SAME poster saying one thing if it's a man and another if its a woman. If you have examples of that, I'll agree that that particular poster has double standards. What you can't do is apply the term to a huge group comprising of different people, some who will think one thing, some another. You wouldn't say 'My colleagues have double standards! When the female boss asked them to work overtime Jane, Pete and Mike agreed, but when the male boss asked them Jenny, Claire and Phil refused, which proves my colleagues are man haters with double standards' would you?

Pretty much proving my point - thank you.
😀

Men spend their whole lives from cradle to grave being deceitful, so you can be damn well sure I’ll support every woman who wants to sneak behind her worthless husband’s back and ‘cheat’ her heart away.

It’s the least we deserve for living in this male imposed hellscape.

11 out of 10😄

Do you actually understand what I've tried to explain to you? Do you understand the point I was trying to make with my analogy? Because if you do, perhaps you'd tell me why you think I'm wrong rather than pretend I've proved your point, when I've actually shown you, through logic, why you are wrong.

Exaclty and this type of behaviour IMHO is not helping the OP!!

I rarely jump straight in and say, LTB!!! I try to play the devils advocate but sadly get jumped on those with a blinkered view

Not allmen are decent but his can be applied to women as well

I post on here when trying to help out a MN's is the same way/answers I would in real life. However, its easier being very honest on a forum

many people post here are in desperate need for guidance and may be confused - so gently does it.

I got serious abuse once where I said to a poster -"speak with mum dad as they often give solid advice." It was a long thread and OP had drip-fed and the initially post looked like a tiff but further down the pages the OH was just nasty but I was not aware of that - the abuse I got, I just ignored the thread after that

What's the point in debating with you?
Read your own last line.

Not read the whole thread but it's it's interesting and you're not wrong in my opinion but it's Mumsnet innit not Dadsnet.

Most of us have opinions coloured by experiences with bastard men so the imbalance is inevitable.

The point in debating is to offer a counter argument to the person with whom you disagree in order to show why you are right and they are wrong, or to compromise that you both have a point. If you think I'm wrong, you can tell me why. If you have examples to show me that the same posters are offering different views dependent on sex, you could do so. I realise that that's much more difficult for you than merely responding that you can't be bothered, it's pointless, it's too boring...but that's what debate is.

Enjoy your evening.

You’re right, but there is something that happens regarding what’s “the accepted” view on a forum.

when a man has an affair, those that think it’s inexcusable will feel minded to post, and feel they will be agreed with. Those that think it’s not will more likely not post as they know their view is out of synch.

when a woman has an affair, the second group feel we’re to post and the first group, less so

Wow

Wow some very interesting replies here and lots of different responses types. Some agree with me, some don't, and some have explanations as to why it seams to be the way I've portrayed it to be so thanks for that!
And also, I did not start the thread to get arsey replies etc I was genuinely interested in people's views, so for those of you that seam to be, please don't get stroppy lol. It's not necessary or cool 😂
And for those wondering what the thread I am posting about was, I think it was called anybody else trying desperately not to contact a man.

😂 I'm actually trying to encourage people to say what they think here, not stop them! And also, you are now huffing and puffing here!