He dumped me 3 months ago but now wants to see me...

[Welshiegreen]

Got dumped pretty ruthlessly 3 months ago by partner of 3 years. No explanation. I was heartbroken and went no contact.

He did the standard breadcrumb texts 'How are you?' etc for a while which I didn't reply to, until I outrightly told him to leave me alone.

A couple of nights ago I got a text asking me to please reply to him, which I did.

He now says he's been thinking about me a lot.

His most recent message reads...

"Would be good to see you when I get back from this trip 👀'

Is he looking for a way to have a conversation / meet to discuss the relationship and rekindle?

Or is he looking for a hook up?

Who cares what he wants, what do you want?
Maybe he wants an ego boost as you didn’t go chasing him after he ruthlessly broke up with you.

My advice would be to leave this one well alone.

He's after a quick shag

He's shown you who he is, move on.

He showed you who he was when he dumped you with no explanation. Do you want more of the same?

He wants a shag. That's all.

Whoever he dumped you for has now dumped him. Probably.

What he wants is irrelevant. Even if he realised he’d made a mistake, was desperate to have you back blah blah blah you’d never trust him. You’d have to live with the anxiety that he could hurt you again.

I think how people dump people gives a good indication of their worth. If they do it in an adult way with a conversation about incompatibilities then there’s the potential to rekindle with a lot of talking and compromising. But you said he dumped you ruthlessly so he clearly doesn’t have the emotional depth to be in an adult relationship.

I would say you’re not interested and don’t want to see him again.

(p.s the truth is probably that he hasn’t been successful with women, he isn’t the stud he thought he was and now would like something casual)

I think I would have blocked him by now. He doesn’t get to choose when to see you/be with you. I would put myself first in your situation.

He’s been dumped by whoever he left you for, or she wasn’t interested despite his best efforts. Maybe you do a better lasagne, or iron his pants just the way he likes it. Who cares? The question is what do you want?

He's discovered that the grass wasn't greener after all. And, as others say, he wants a shag. He thinks you'll be so desperate to have him back you'll service him. He'll then let you down again the next morning, saying that he thinks you should just be friends after all.

I don't think so, sorry. If he seriously thought he had made a mistake he would have said something much more substantive apologising for the hurt caused, saying what he wanted, asking for a chance to talk. I think his interest and ego have been piqued because you haven't replied and he wants to know he can still get you if he wants. Sex is probably a part of that idle interest. I seriously wouldn't entertain this or you'll feel awful all over again when he backs off.

It didn't work out with the woman he left you for

Ok, I'm just not going to reply.

He never was forthcoming with feelings / took ages to open up, so I had wondered if he was feeling out my response to a potential reconciliation attempt on his part. I don't think he would be brave or courageous enough to just admit he made a mistake.

Maybe he wants more than a shag but that could be worse.

I'd say he misses you but not enough to get back together or he wouldn't have broken up and would have contacted you sooner.

I'd say he just misses you a bit - and that's what makes this situation so dangerous for you.

If you have spent the last three months recovering then no doubt that's taken a toll and you wouldn't want to go back to square one.

Op
He just wants to know he can still have you , that's all .
Avoid like the plague

@LadyMuckRake it's not the first time he's tried to make contact. He started texting me from the first day after he ended things, but I went no contact and never responded.

The only reason the conversation progressed now is this is the first time I've responded.

I’d be tempted to say “Piss off” then block him.

Why do you care if he treated you so badly? He dumped you without explanation after 3 years. He's a nasty spineless coward. Do you want to reconcile? Would you leave yourself open to that?

I think it's natural to LONG to hear something that will make sense of what happened in a way that lessens the pain and gives you back 'face' or dignity. But even if he gives you an excuse, it still happened. I have made this mistake in the past. Given people a second chance not because they deserved it but because I was so longing to re-write what happened in a way that didn't mean I'd been discarded. Even if that sounds like hyperbole, crank it down a notch and it's still a situation to be wary of.

if you are tempted to meet him because you long to hear him give some reason that makes it all make sense then please give him a wide berth.

I've read on here that a good question to ask is ''what has changed?''. Put him on the spot right away before any meeting that might set you back can happen.

So basically the woman he was shagging behind your back hasn't worked out and now he's feeling lonely
Boo fucking hoo
Block the piece of shit

You're doing the right thing OP.
I as well think he might have been shagging someone else and it hasn't turned out how he expected. Or he might just be after a booty call. Either way - no.

Who does he think he is that he can trample all over your boundaries like that.

Imagine someone literally having to tell tou to fuck off because you couldn't take a hint and then having the audacity to start messaging you again!

Hrs a fucking creep op.
Block him.

Yep, this.

I'd reply 'it wouldn't. I havent had an explanation for you ending the relationship after 3 years so i wouldn't be interested in seeing you, no. Please can you leave me alone'.

@Welshiegreen i have just gotten back together with my ex. Here is my story.

He dumped me after 2 years saying we were not compatible as had different interests, had t included him in my house buying and I apparently depended on him too much. He also stopped loving me.

My version was he wanted to get drunk at weekend and I wanted to spend some time with him and be included. Sex stopped and I felt like shit. We lived together temporarily at his whilst buying my house. but I had moved a week when he dumped me. He loved a 2 hours round commute to work so I was always tired.

I lived a lovely life for 6 weeks in my new house with a few texts from him saying I had left a few bits. He dropped my bits off and avoided eye contact. Got a few random texts about stuff I had left. He then invited me to an event in London that was important to him.

I asked for a chat. I missed him, but not the last few months of him. We had an honest chat. He was stressed with work and he couldn’t tell me. Said he knew I was unhappy but he didn’t know how to make me happy or talk to me. He knew I hated his village and the commit but knew he was depressed and used alcohol to make him feel better. He couldn’t communicate with me.

he sought help and realised he missed me. We agreed to try again. We are slowly dating. It’s odd as I went from seeing him everyday to twice a week. We need to make sure we plan out week. He seems nervous, but isn’t texting me much. Says he is happy. I am seeing if I can forget the hurt and relax to see if we can get to a good place. I am in the fence about this as I am looking for it to go wrong or him to hurt me. Bit anxious that he is on his best behaviour and the bad times is him.

i am not sure i can relax, if i cant then this is not the relationship for me. If you go back you need to forget the hurt. We
have said what each other needs to move forward. Let’s see