Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He dumped me 3 months ago but now wants to see me...

81 replies

Welshiegreen · 08/06/2024 17:00

Got dumped pretty ruthlessly 3 months ago by partner of 3 years. No explanation. I was heartbroken and went no contact.

He did the standard breadcrumb texts 'How are you?' etc for a while which I didn't reply to, until I outrightly told him to leave me alone.

A couple of nights ago I got a text asking me to please reply to him, which I did.

He now says he's been thinking about me a lot.

His most recent message reads...

"Would be good to see you when I get back from this trip 👀'

Is he looking for a way to have a conversation / meet to discuss the relationship and rekindle?

Or is he looking for a hook up?

OP posts:
Opentooffers · 08/06/2024 20:38

So after 3 years together, he dumps you suddenly- most likely an OW. Then as it doesn't pan out gets back in contact.
Don't be his fallback girl, he won't respect you for it, and you'll stop respecting yourself. 3 month isn't long, I recommend lots more ignoring until he fades away. Meanwhile go out and have your own fun.

SheepAndSword · 08/06/2024 20:39

You dented his ego by not chasing him.

You've seen what he can be like and it ain't pretty

Emmylou22 · 08/06/2024 21:18

I would take great delight in saying 'no thanks, I've moved on'. Then block. Keep neutral and don't get reeled in. Think how good it will feel for YOU to reject HIM.

I ran into an ex a couple of years ago when out with friends. He tried his old patter on me, and it felt AMAZING to say I wasn't interested in having a drink with him as I'd moved on. I wished him well, then my friends and I went to a different pub. It was a good feeling!

EwwSprouts · 08/06/2024 21:21

He is not worth the headspace. Just block. Why haven't you blocked previously?

YorkNew · 08/06/2024 21:23

Block

BCBird · 08/06/2024 21:26

No.way would I give him the time of day. How far have u come down the road to.recovery? Don't go back. I had been in a relationship for nearly 2 and a h years. I.was told over the fone it was over. He had fallen in love with someone else. The pain was unbearable. I remember thinking stuff u silence will be my weapon when he contacted me asking to return house keys. Do urself a big favour and ignore.

Onomatofear · 08/06/2024 21:26

None of us can tell you what he wants but it is appalling behaviour to break up with someone you've been with for 3 years with no explanation.

It's best not to get drawn into his web again because he has shown you how disrespectful he is.

I expect he broke up with you to be with someone else, and has now realised the grass wasn't so green after all.

AdoraBell · 08/06/2024 21:30

Block him. He’s trying to reel you back in after dumping you. Who cares what he wants?

Spend time with friends/family or even colleagues on the day he returns from his trip.

Livelovebehappy · 09/06/2024 00:31

I just wouldn’t answer him at all. Silence is best, because it’s showing you’re indifferent to him, and he’s not worthy of your time. Was the relationship good before he left you? If he has genuinely made a mistake and him leaving was out of the blue, and you enjoyed a good relationship before this, I’d maybe be tempted to think he didn’t realise what he’d lost, til you were no longer in his life, and it’s an attempt at a reconciliation. But I’d make sure he worked his arse off to get you back, and see how keen he is to have you back in his life. It all depends on whether you still have strong feelings for him.

Seedsnnut · 09/06/2024 00:39

Well done on not replying these past few months. He clearly wants you to be available to him or pining after him, do he is trying to reel you back in so your attention will be on him but he won’t actually commit to you.

If he’s not the sort of guy who can apologise or admit he’s wrong as you say, you’re definitely better off without him. That is just arrogance and a lack of emotional intelligence. Sounds dreadful!

Perhaps you should just block him at this stage?

kkloo · 09/06/2024 06:06

Welshiegreen · 08/06/2024 19:07

Ok, I'm just not going to reply.

He never was forthcoming with feelings / took ages to open up, so I had wondered if he was feeling out my response to a potential reconciliation attempt on his part. I don't think he would be brave or courageous enough to just admit he made a mistake.

Yeah and after 3 months he still can't muster up the balls to use his words so he'd rather just be a headwreck meaning you're confused and don't understand his intentions. He clearly hasn't matured in any way and he's learned nothing. No doubt any 'conversation' with him would be frustrating and maddening so don't engage with him. I'd block him.

beenwhereyouare · 09/06/2024 06:24

Catandsquirrel · 08/06/2024 20:04

I'd reply 'it wouldn't. I havent had an explanation for you ending the relationship after 3 years so i wouldn't be interested in seeing you, no. Please can you leave me alone'.

This, but leave out the "please." You're not making a request. State things in a calm, assertive manner. No aggression, no passivity, just assertive. As if it's just a fact, like "The floor is brown." "The sun is hot."

Copperoliverbear · 09/06/2024 07:06

Text leave me alone I've moved on.
Then block, don't look back an never look back, what he did to you was awful and he's just after using you.

Coconutter24 · 09/06/2024 07:21

If he ruthlessly dumped you as you say, why would you even care that he’s back in touch or what he wants? What do you want? You don’t have to go along with what he now wants make your own decision

EmilyGilmoreenergy · 09/06/2024 07:28

You are the easy/ lazy option to him.
He's probably tried the bear pit that is online dating and realised he has to make effort to attract or keep hold of someone new and you are the pair of comfy familiar old shoes alternative.
Easy sex because he doesn't have to impress you etc
You can as a PP says ask him what he is doing or what has changed if it helps you find closure but I'd try to avoid falling back into your comfy (for about a week) shoes by going any further with him.
You deserve better than this.
Tell a good friend who will keep giving your head a wobble if you get tempted but it sounds like you have done really well so far.

DracoDormiensNumquamTittilandum · 09/06/2024 07:32

Welshiegreen · 08/06/2024 19:07

Ok, I'm just not going to reply.

He never was forthcoming with feelings / took ages to open up, so I had wondered if he was feeling out my response to a potential reconciliation attempt on his part. I don't think he would be brave or courageous enough to just admit he made a mistake.

If he dumped you without explanation, and he's too dysfunctional to tell you what he's thinking now, then a reconciliation is impossible, so in your position I would message him back telling him you're not interested in meeting him or speaking to him.

Newestname002 · 09/06/2024 07:36

@Welshiegreen

I wouldn't give this any more mental energy OP. It really doesn't now matter why he so callously dumped you, nor what he's trying to achieve now. He treated you extremely disrespectfully and doesn't deserve one single iota of your consideration.

Time now to block him everywhere, without further response. Unfollow/unfriend/block him everywhere, including your social media, and delete his contact details.

You deserve more than this person. 🌹

Ifyoucouldreadmymindlove · 09/06/2024 07:52

Welshiegreen · 08/06/2024 19:11

@LadyMuckRake it's not the first time he's tried to make contact. He started texting me from the first day after he ended things, but I went no contact and never responded.

The only reason the conversation progressed now is this is the first time I've responded.

You’ve been strong. Keep doing that. Don’t reply. He literally just wants to get his beans.

3littledots · 09/06/2024 07:56

Going NC is a dastardly blow to some people's ego! Wait, why aren't you crying and begging to have him back??🙄

The biggest question here (as PP have said) is 'what do YOU want?' Do you want to try again or are you done?

I had a similar experience several years ago. He ended it after 2.5 years just basically saying he 'was t feeling it anymore'. He'd been subtly pulling back for a few weeks so I was already sort of prepped for it. I remember saying that I was very sad and hurt but 'if that's what you want, then clearly it's over'. I went home, fell apart but I went completely zero contact. There were times my friends had to wrestle my phone from my hands!!

But sure enough about 3 months later, up he pops with a, 'how are you?' I did eventually agree to meet him and he confessed breaking up was the most stupid thing he'd ever done. Even though I'd dreamed of this happening, as he said it I felt totally disconnected from him. Those 3 months of NC had cleared my head and now I could see him for the douchebag he really was.

OP, you're not a toy that he can pick up and put down whenever he feels like it.

napody · 09/06/2024 07:58

Catandsquirrel · 08/06/2024 19:03

I don't think so, sorry. If he seriously thought he had made a mistake he would have said something much more substantive apologising for the hurt caused, saying what he wanted, asking for a chance to talk. I think his interest and ego have been piqued because you haven't replied and he wants to know he can still get you if he wants. Sex is probably a part of that idle interest. I seriously wouldn't entertain this or you'll feel awful all over again when he backs off.

Exactly this.

Olika · 09/06/2024 08:02

Just ignore him. He chose to walk out of your relationship and that's the end of that.

HandAndFootInMouth · 09/06/2024 08:29

If you don’t want him back then have a bit of sweet revenge;

Why are you texting me? I’m seeing someone else now, and he makes me really happy, so I’m not interested. Take care.

AlanBrendaCelia · 09/06/2024 09:33

”Who dis?”

DotDashDot24 · 09/06/2024 09:45

It's impossible for us to say whether he wants a shag, to string you along or to get back together.

Even if it's getting back together, could you trust him not to dump you sooner or later again (?)

The suddenness and lack of explanation for dumping you suggests he was at the very least interested in someone else, or getting involved with someone else. That evidently hasn't gone as well as he thought it would.

Even if not the case (unlikely) he is a shit communicator and acts with no respect or manners .....to suddenly dump someone after 3 fucking years ...with no explanation. That's not really the sort of person you want to throw your lot in with in life. Who knows what they could do at any time.

You did the right thing but going NC. You did the wrong thing by responding to his persistent messaging. I would just keel moving on.

Choochoo21 · 09/06/2024 10:07

Is he looking for a way to have a conversation / meet to discuss the relationship and rekindle?

Surely if he wanted this he would be apologising and begging for you back.
It doesn’t even sound like he’s doing that.

He either wants a shag or things aren’t going as well with his new DP and he wants to keep you as his back up option.

Tell him to leave you alone and then block him.
You can never trust this man ever again.