He dumped me 3 months ago but now wants to see me...

[Welshiegreen]

Got dumped pretty ruthlessly 3 months ago by partner of 3 years. No explanation. I was heartbroken and went no contact.

He did the standard breadcrumb texts 'How are you?' etc for a while which I didn't reply to, until I outrightly told him to leave me alone.

A couple of nights ago I got a text asking me to please reply to him, which I did.

He now says he's been thinking about me a lot.

His most recent message reads...

"Would be good to see you when I get back from this trip 👀'

Is he looking for a way to have a conversation / meet to discuss the relationship and rekindle?

Or is he looking for a hook up?

I'd go with 'Mate, I've moved on. Take care'.

You HAVE moved on.... you're not saying you're seeing someone else. But his ego will definitely interpret it as another man.

Many moons ago, My (cheating) bf split up with me after 8 years.
I was deeply hurt, eventually life moved on, I moved to France for job. then he started writing airmail letters to tell me about his life, & eventually asked to meet him where he was working in a city an hour away.
I never responded. Big Fat Nada.
How many times do you let someone break your heart?

Block him, otherwise he will keep messing with your head with these types of text.

That's real No Contact - at the moment you are No Response, and no response is just a test of willpower that you will eventually fail, because it's clear from the way that you write that you still have feelings and 'unfinished business' with him. He knows that and will use it to get whatever HE wants, whilst not givng you what YOU want.

Any contact will inevitably end in you being unceremoniously dumped again by him at some point in the future. It's what people like him do.

Even if not the case (unlikely) he is a shit communicator and acts with no respect or manners .....to suddenly dump someone after 3 fucking years ...with no explanation. That's not really the sort of person you want to throw your lot in with in life. Who knows what they could do at any time

This was what my exh did (except it was four years) - moved out one day when I was at work and left a letter. Classy, eh?

Of course there was an OW. I really wish MN had been around at the time, I could have saved myself a couple of years of grief. AND he tried to reel me back in a couple of years after marrying her.

👌
No one who dumps you ruthlessly after 3 months deserves a second of your head space.
In sales you would just be a 'warm lead' in that you were previously open to him and he's seeing if you still are.

The only reason you could possibly entertain this would be if you somehow believed it was your fault and wanted a second chance, or idolised him and had him on a pedestal, or had such low self esteem that the wound of being dumped was still aching for the soothing validation of being told it was all a mistake...

No one with healthy self esteem or boundaries would go there.

If you had a a deep love between you at one point and during some kind of life crisis your DP ended things only to later to realise it was a tragic mistake, that would be the only sensible time to even think about it, because in that scenario the other person cared very deeply for you as a person previously.

In this scenario after 3 months it was just an attraction and nothing as significant as deep love, so you're just a door he's hoping isn't shut fully. Let him find someone else with a pulse.

He has treated you badly, he doesn't deserve a second chance.

What makes you think I would want to see you after the way you treated me? Then block.

He's horny and wants what he sees as an easy shag. His ego probably wants stroking too, that someone still "wants" him. Just block him, you don't need that aggro.

Don’t do it.

many many years ago before cell phones, I was in a LDR while in college. We were engaged, he wasn’t doing much with his life and I told him he needed to get himself together before we could progress. I didn’t say it in a mean way but he got upset, and hung up on me.

Didn’t hear from him for about 6 months, altho I did keep in touch with his DM. I was devastated and thought about him all the time.

Well one day I got a letter from him telling me he was sorry and realized I was right. He had a full time job and really wanted to see me. I was so so excited and happy, we kept in touch and he came to see me for two weeks. Everything was perfect and after he left I assumed everything was great.

For months we communicated with each other , lots of loving and planning our future convos. Then one day a birthday card I sent him was returned to me. After much digging I find out he’d gotten married! Didn’t have the common decency to tell me, had to find out from someone else. I was heartbroken all over again. I still have some “emotional trauma “ around it even 30 years later.

i wish I had never given him a second chance, I wish I had ignored that letter and worked thru the pain and the emotional effects it had on me (ended up with an eating disorder).

I'd be tempted, and I wouldn't actually do it, to text, "tell you what, why don't you email me with the reasons you broke up with me, really think and express why and explain it, it would be great to understand that. Then maybe we can meet" and if he does, just reply 👍 and block on everything.

This bloke is a head fuck and an opportunist. He does the minimum humanly possible. Not worth your time.

I wanted to say well done for the way you handled the original break up. It shows real strength of character on your part.

Your post here says to me your wavering a little don't. Stay strong and move on you deserve better. I think the chances are they left you for someone else. If that's the case they will do it again.

Stay strong your doing amazing

My thoughts were, in this order:

1. Who cares what he wants. Why would you be interested in what he wants after what he did?
2. He's likely contacting you because whoever he dumped you for has dumped him / turned out not to be what he wanted after all, and / or his ego has been hurt because you didn't beg him to come back.
3. If you keep talking to him and let him back in, he'll likely do the same again. Only it will hurt more the second time, as you'll also be frustrated at yourself for allowing it to happen a second time.

They always come back but never have good intentions.

Fuckboy wants fuck. Block and delete.

He now says he's been thinking about me a lot

Response:

"Well I'm not, I've moved on with my life, I'm happy and settled."

then block his sorry arse.

and don't give him a moment's headspace.

I haven't responded. I few friends say he's been asked a lot about me and definitely has regrets.

I'd be dishonest if I was to say I'm totally over him. I'm not, and a small part of me would want to know what he has to say.

I feel like, however, he really had regrets then he should be more forthcoming / work harder than that measly text. He should be begging for forgiveness.

The fact he hasn't is what's keeping me from replying - rightly or wrongly!

I think he want to make peace with himself and if possible a shag.
He is not respecting your decision of no contact several times by now. I would reply, thanks but no thanks and block him.

All of this^.

He hasn’t even apologised! He truly thinks he’s god’s gift to women.

No - not again in this lifetime. You're getting lots of good (unanimous) advice.
No response and block 💐

Why would it be great to see you after his trip, just to show off, tell you his news, sound you out. Whatever he left you for hasn't worked out for him. See him if you think you'll get closure but he's messing with your head already, I would black, delete and tell your friends to not discuss it with him, he's really not worth the heartache,

Would be good to see you when I get back from this trip 👀

I wouldn’t give him the time of day, or a very blunt reply along the lines of “Would it? Not for me, I have no interest in spending any time with you after how we broke up. If I’m not what you want, then why mess yourself around, and more importantly why mess me around? There’s all those dating Apps where you thought you could better, so off you pop, and don’t bother me.”

He doesn't have regrets, at least not any around compassion for you.

He's a boundary pushing snake that keeps messaging you even after being told to leave you alone. That tells you exactly what kind of person he is. One that only cares about himself.

Well done not responding. Tbh, I'd block him.
Men like him don't give closure, they give us stress, distress, and self doubt.

Make your own closure in realising you deserve good people in your life and now, have your own back and act as your own champion to remove the crap people. You've grown and changed. He'll always be a shit.

Would be good to see you when I get back from this trip

AKA Can you just sit around until I'm ready to see you and can fit you in my busy schedule?

Yeah, not that sorry is he.
Rightly, I reckon.

Got dumped pretty ruthlessly 3 months ago by partner of 3 years. No explanation. I was heartbroken and went no contact.

Just keep reading your own words.
You did the right thing. Time to block him now.

Don't bother with a long reply, or with lies about seeing someone else.

A simple, "No thanks" and a block is all the effort this half-assed attempt to sound out the possibility of a shag is worth.