Something’s off

[debmo83]

What do you think? I need outsiders. My mum died recently and my head has been all over the place.

My (41) husband (46) has always been a bit of a lone wolf. People like him in general, but he mostly doesn’t care what people think or socialise much. He has zero female friends and always gossips to me about work friends etc.

We've been together 15 years, married for 12.

A few weeks ago, our son mentions my husband’s ’football wife’ (one of the other boys’ mums) who apparently my husband has been talking to exclusively at weekly football training. My husband has never mentioned this woman to me.

I do a shift at football training, chatting to this lady, she knows absolutely everything about our lives. Everything.

I ask him about it, he says they just chat while they’re watching the boys. All cool. He implies that she’s too young to be of any interest (she’s one year younger than me).

Went to football presentation tonight. She’s there, sat alone whilst we are sat with a large group. I felt a bit sorry for her, went over to say hi, quick chat, she seemed keen to get rid of me, some others came and sat with her, fair enough.

She and my husband did not greet or say one word to each other… at all. But caught them glancing at each other a couple of times (although this may be in my head).

Am I going mad? I think I’m just going mad. Sane people, sort me out please

Not insane no, they have likely perhaps crossed a few lines in their chats having a bit of a flirty banter. Has anything changed otherwise in his routines/ secrecy with his phone/ more effort in his appearance? If not it's probably innocent enough not to worry.

Hmmmmm… I wasn’t concerned until you said they didn’t greet eachother or converse at all?? Surely if you’re chatting every week in a platonic way you’d be straight over to say hi? I would absolutely keep an eye out (and to be honest i’d also do a bit of phone snooping) - hopefully it’s nothing but always keep your wits about you xx

Hard to know really. Probably nothing but, I wouldn't say you're mad. Intuition is a thing. And so are people who cheat.

Just, keep an eye on things quietly.
Read up on other signs of cheating and keep watch.

If it was all fine I don't think you'd be posting.

Definitely suspicious. The fact they didn’t even say hi but kept glancing says it all. Something is being hidden. Sorry OP.

It wouldn’t have bothered me if they were chatting at the presentation but the fact it seems like they are avoiding each other makes it seem weird!

If your husband is a lone wolf, doesn't the seem his behaviour has changed?

Does she come up to you? Is she quiet chatty? was her behaviour suspicious?

I think its probably nothing

I was alright with it all until you said they didn't greet each other.....
That would have made my spider senses tingle to be honest.

Trust your gut

Could it be that she was annoyed your husband didn’t greet her like normal? Maybe because you were there so your husband spent time with you (and the group) instead of her. I wonder if she likes him as more than a friend and she realised it isn’t reciprocated - he was just being friendly and over sharing. I think if it was me I’d ask my husband about it and see what he says - you’ll probably get more from his reaction. Try not to worry…

Did your son actually call this woman your DH's " football wife"? Has your son then noticed then that your DH and this woman look like a couple?
Given this is a big change in his behaviour- usually a lone wolf, no female friends- yes I think you are right to be concerned about what is going on. Especially given the strange reaction of them both at the presentation.

It was agreed between them to be cold

Check his phone. There will be messages from the evening.

I am sorry.

Act normal, ask a close friend to attend the next football session and record them from a distance.

Trust your instincts @debmo83 . From what you describe, I think there’s the beginning of something very fishy here. I have no advice on what you should do about it but I don’t think you’re going mad.

I don't know, I spend every Saturday morning waiting around on the sidelines while DC play a sport and I always chat to a dad. I don't think I've ever mentioned it to my husband, wouldn't occur to me as it's just fairly mundane chit chat about kids, parents, work, holiday, renovation, pets etc. We're there for at least 2 hrs every week, often 3+ so get through a lot of topics. Doesn't mean I am attracted to him or have any desire to cheat, it's passing the long and fairly boring hours waiting around

Trust your gut.

Their not greeting each other is an alert.

His saying he's not interested in her romantically because she's too young even though she's only one year younger get than you is also an alert. Strange thing to say.

And who used the term 'football wife'? It's an odd thing for a kid to say unless he's heard it specifically from someone.

Also how is your h before he goes to training? Does he spend longer getting ready than usual?

The fact they avoided each other is a big waving red flag to me

Either someone has crossed a line & they've fallen out, or they have crossed a line together.

Yeah this sounds shit OP

I would have said nothing to worry about until you mentioned that he said she was too young for him....at one year younger than you! I don't think so, it sounds like you put him on the spot, he panicked and came up with the first bit of bull shit that popped into his head.

Yes this is very odd

she knows everything about you all, but husband has never mentioned her to you previously.

his comment about her being too young for him is protesting too much. cos men are NEVER interested in younger women 🙄

they didn't chat at all at the event yet looking over at each other is very odd.

Sometimes it’s just the tiniest thing which your gut tells you isn’t quite right. A word, a comment, a gesture, anything really just like you have currently experienced.

It was like that for me, my antennae went up.
Within a very short period of time I found out all I needed to know.

Be like a cat! Be watchful but I hope it’s groundless for all your sakes.

Trust your gut. It is very weird that on their own they are evidently close confidantes and when you are there they ignore each other.

He implies that she’s too young to be of any interest (she’s one year younger than me).

Well that's a flimsy defence isn't it?

She and my husband did not greet or say one word to each other… at all.

How clumsy.

Yes, I reckon I'd be pricking up at all of this too.

I’d ask to see his phone messages - she might be under a different name though