Something’s off

[debmo83]

What do you think? I need outsiders. My mum died recently and my head has been all over the place.

My (41) husband (46) has always been a bit of a lone wolf. People like him in general, but he mostly doesn’t care what people think or socialise much. He has zero female friends and always gossips to me about work friends etc.

We've been together 15 years, married for 12.

A few weeks ago, our son mentions my husband’s ’football wife’ (one of the other boys’ mums) who apparently my husband has been talking to exclusively at weekly football training. My husband has never mentioned this woman to me.

I do a shift at football training, chatting to this lady, she knows absolutely everything about our lives. Everything.

I ask him about it, he says they just chat while they’re watching the boys. All cool. He implies that she’s too young to be of any interest (she’s one year younger than me).

Went to football presentation tonight. She’s there, sat alone whilst we are sat with a large group. I felt a bit sorry for her, went over to say hi, quick chat, she seemed keen to get rid of me, some others came and sat with her, fair enough.

She and my husband did not greet or say one word to each other… at all. But caught them glancing at each other a couple of times (although this may be in my head).

Am I going mad? I think I’m just going mad. Sane people, sort me out please

This is exactly what ‘sane me’ thinks - he’s not a natural chatter unless forced into it - which he would be, standing at the side of the pitch. I am very much the social instigator out of us, and I do think he may have felt awkward just because I’ve asked about her.

My son is 13 and the ‘football wife’ comment was made in a banter-type way in the presence of both of us plus our daughter - I really don’t think he’s concerned, and don’t really want to ask him about it and make him concerned.

Our marriage in general is awesome, we’ve never had any issue like this before. I think my fragile state of mind may have blown this out of proportion, but will keep a steady eye on things and see if anything else crops up tonight/at future football meetings.

Thank you all for your insight, it really has been so helpful x

Well I hope you are right that it is just your imagination.
But I do think your son calling her his football wife is very strange. They must look very comfortable together and easy with each other's company for him to use the term. Even if you took it as "banter" it may have been his way of raising his concern.
However if you are keeping an eye on things going forward that is sensible.

I doubt your son came up with the term ‘football wife’

He has overheard it being said by someone else

Possibly. Really no opportunity for me to clarify now though without asking him, and I won’t be putting my son in a position where he’s telling tales on his dad or lying to me.

Will find out one way or another if there’s something going on - or not. Thank you all again for your advice, really do appreciate it

Go to every match. Go with him everywhere.

Stop all opportunities for them to chat. If he then tries to find an opportunity to see her you will know. But you know in your heart he’s cheating. Your instinct is telling you clearly.

@debmo83 I think you’re talking the right approach. I really hope there’s nothing in it. Keep your wits about you but don’t drive yourself insane or accuse without serious suspicion or proof. Best of luck xx

I'd start going to weekly training sessions too.

Thee may be nothing in it but this is often how affairs start. Very few people go out looking for them. This is how they 'just happen'.

I said earlier that him not even saying hello and completely ignoring her was a bit of a warning sign but I also think him pretending that someone who is 40 is too young for him, when he is only 46 and his wife is 41, is also protesting a bit too much.

Update tomo how tonight goes

Does this lady have a husband, OP?

Think you need to also go along to weekly training session dont let this turn into something it doesn't need to for you & your families sake

Not a word again. No glances from him (that I saw), plenty from her though. Itching to say something - maybe just innocently ask why they’re not speaking…

Nope, single mum

Got a little break till next season, think I’ll find some jobs around the house that need a man’s touch on football days 🤣

Hoping it’s this 🤞

When football starts up again, let him go and then 30 minutes later unexpectedly turn up and watch the reactions from them both, that’s what I would do

I like this - thank you

There's two parents at my child's sporting event that clearly flirt non stop when they attend on their own, if their partners are there they barely speak! It's interesting to watch!

Trust your gut. The signs are there.

Always trust your gut instinct OP. It’s nearly always right. Just keep any eye on things. Watch for other behaviour such as secretive with his phone, or unexpected nights out. Or a feeling that he’s checking out of your marriage a bit.

Have to say too, if she is being a bit off with you, that could also be a sign she has an interest in your dh. At my previous house a neighbour who was initially friendly with both me and dh, suddenly appeared to be a lot less friendly with me, but very friendly with my dh still. I then found out from another neighbour that she had said she really really liked my dh. I think her not being friendly with me made her feel less guilty about trying to pursue him, because I wasn’t really anything to her.

whatmakes you say that?

If it feels off, then 99% of the time, it is off.

I think I’d need to ask him about it. I’d ask why people call her his football wife and then I’d ask that if they were so close tk be referred to as that then why didn’t they speak at the last 2 events. I’d then watch for his reaction.

Check his phone

My own instinct as an outsider here is that one of them has crossed the line and - hopefully - been rejected.
I would definitely be quietly on the case though.