Oh shit! I pressed SEND by mistake WWYD?

[Iwantacupoftea]

Bad break up from ex. Never told him how much he hurt me. Blocked and went no contact.

Have composed various rants/outpourings/upset/anger etc when l have been down to say all the things l didn't say at the time.

This time l got distracted and the cursor went to send. Oh Hell he is going to think l am totally unhinged. It's been 4 years of no contact and now he gets pages of raw emotion.

How would you salvage this situation? I feel all my hard work of being no contact has been ruined. What an idiot having his real address in the address bar. I'm mortified. It looks as if l haven't moved on at all. I haven't much but l didn't want him to know this. What would you do?

But he regrets how he treated you...
Have you been waiting 4 years to hear that. Has that validated 4 years of waiting to hear him admit he was in the wrong.

And, what happens now....

I would just ignore it. Or maybe just a brief message to say you were clearing out your mailbox and came across it from 4 years ago and sent it by mistake. Whoops. Clearly how you were feeling at the time and nothing of sense now hence why you were about to delete it. End of conversation. Don't reply and don't look back.

It’s continually bizarre to me that someone posts something seeking help or advice, and the typical mumsnet reply is to pile on and abuse OP for a detail.
“4 years?!” “You didn’t really send it by accident” Fuck. Seriously, people?! How emotionally unintelligent can you get. Disgusting - about as evolved as teenagers.

OP, I’ve had it straight from my therapist that 4 years is NOT such a long time when someone does something as jarring and deeply hurtful as your ex did.
her words were for me, specifically because my relationship was abusive, and she said when something is unhealthy and causes deep wounds, it takes a long long time to heal.

his reply is very telling - he’s not even concerned about twisting the knife, is he?

I wish you healing. Consider yourself right on track - and block the jerk. I hope this email gave you some sense of closure. At least you finally said all you needed to say.

Please don’t reply to him and get yourself some help

You have wasted 4 years if your life grieving over a man who left you and is now married with a child

There is no going back, it’s time to put this to rest and move on

This could be a good thing OP. Look at his reply, take a deep breath, block and move on. It’s time.

Im so glad you updated with a post that he replied. I did wonder if he would.

It sounds like you might still love each other, esp given his admittance that he and his wife were at the same stage in life, not that she knocked him off his feet. So, being friends would be disasterous for his marriage pls tread carefully.

I sincerely wish you good luck in finding a life partner.

This. Do not block him. Be breezy and casual IF he does indeed respond.

But more importantly OP: How are you? What has been going on? Have you considered therapy? Breakups can bring up so many past hurts. And therapy can help with that.

Oh, I missed that. well, now is a good time to block him!!

Do nothing. If he replies, do nothing. At this point you shouldn’t care about he is thinking. Time you acted like that. You should just laugh it off.
If anything, he will think twice before he’ll be nasty to other women in the future.

OP, I can well imagine duch hurt lingering.
4 years is not that long when the wound was so deep.
I think it far better to not reply though.
I would be very suspicious of a reply like that is looking for a hook up.
Be kind to yourself.

reply

'dear Dave,

thanks for your email - no idea how that got sent, had been in my drafts folder from a few years ago. needless to say I don't feel the same any more. wish you the best

xx'

Thank you for all the replies. I've found it helpful and I haven't minded most people telling me 4 years is too long to be hung up on someone. I tried to explain previously that some of my hangs ups are to do with deep emotions regarding my health, age, fertility etc and I attach them to him but they are issues I would struggle with regardless. Being so obviously discarded for a younger fertile woman just brought them into sharp focus.

I don't think he would be the type to have a sexual affair but I certainly think he would like to live vicariously through me and would certainly engage in an emotional affair. I am not going to play that role in his life however much he would like this. It might be very immature on my part but it has helped me to think that he still holds a candle for me and he does not have the perfect life despite having a wife and child.

I will take everyone's advice and now leave well alone and consign it to the past and perhaps get some help with my other issues whilst I look for someone who loves me for me and not on the condition that I provide him with a child.

Yes OP 💯 Don't let him use you for an emotional ego boost. He's a married man who probably misses that feeling of being wanted by someone (other than his wife). A bit of excitement. But that's all it is. Honestly shame on him for that response, he knows what he's doing, knows there's a chance you'll get hurt by it. But he's happy enough to take that chance because he's bored. Honestly think you've had a lucky escape here. And you're right.... no one has the perfect life. He made his choice loud and clear though, so he can't have it both ways.

This is such a good idea ' whoops, I'd better explain to my boyfriend, he's just surprised me with a trip away, he won't be impressed lol'

This!
the amount of bitchiness, accusing her of lying, assumption and general shittery never ceases to amaze and disappoint.