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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Oh shit! I pressed SEND by mistake WWYD?

116 replies

Iwantacupoftea · 06/06/2024 13:20

Bad break up from ex. Never told him how much he hurt me. Blocked and went no contact.

Have composed various rants/outpourings/upset/anger etc when l have been down to say all the things l didn't say at the time.

This time l got distracted and the cursor went to send. Oh Hell he is going to think l am totally unhinged. It's been 4 years of no contact and now he gets pages of raw emotion.

How would you salvage this situation? I feel all my hard work of being no contact has been ruined. What an idiot having his real address in the address bar. I'm mortified. It looks as if l haven't moved on at all. I haven't much but l didn't want him to know this. What would you do?

OP posts:
Theweepywillow · 06/06/2024 21:11

Was it not that long you were together op,is that why you’re not saying? Habe you basically been drafting that email for 4 years then sent it. Were you drunk? Or sober?

OurChristmasMiracle · 06/06/2024 21:31

move forward from this. Look at the email as a cleansing exercise by which you have let him go completely and now work on being happy ALONE. You don’t need to meet someone else To get over your ex. You need to find happiness on your own so when you do meet someone you will be in the right place

Original poster
Iwantacupoftea · 06/06/2024 21:35

Together 3 and a half years. Very much in love but I could not give him what he wanted - a family. He found someone younger without medical issues and moved on in quite a desperate and cruel way. It just triggered so much for me in terms of age, fertility, loss, my health and my worth. I have never felt so replaced in all my life.

OP posts:
Theweepywillow · 06/06/2024 21:38

Iwantacupoftea · 06/06/2024 21:35

Together 3 and a half years. Very much in love but I could not give him what he wanted - a family. He found someone younger without medical issues and moved on in quite a desperate and cruel way. It just triggered so much for me in terms of age, fertility, loss, my health and my worth. I have never felt so replaced in all my life.

Oh I’m sorry op. But you’ve been suffering for longer than you were together. Maybe it’s time to seek some counselling to help you now, as it’s clear you’re not able to move forward. I’m so sorry, but this isn’t healthy for you.

Opentooffers · 06/06/2024 21:41

Yea, well I'd get some therapy for that, as still wanting "to be close to him" after 4 years, is absolutely not normal whether you've dated or not since. Says more about your MH state than how great or not he was. If you don't want to be stuck like this, help is what you need as time has not worked like it usually does.

FrancisSeaton · 06/06/2024 22:08

Was it accidentally 'sent from my ipohne'

ThisHumanBean · 07/06/2024 00:48

Elektra1 · 06/06/2024 13:23

If he responds: "oh that was from years ago, I was clearing out my mailbox deleting stuff and must have clicked send by mistake. All water under the bridge now. Hope all's well."

If he doesn't respond, do nothing.

But why after 4 years are you still poring over these old emails?

This.

then therapy and moving on.

namethisbird · 07/06/2024 00:56

FrancisSeaton · 06/06/2024 22:08

Was it accidentally 'sent from my ipohne'

😂😂😂

4years on and you’re still amending and updating an email about the intricacies of the breakup and your subsequent heartache? I think you need therapy asap this is not normal.
Also emails have a recall option so I’m assuming you did want to send the email subconsciously and that would further indicate the need for therapy.

frozendaisy · 07/06/2024 08:08

Perhaps it's what you need OP

It's gone

You might stop revisiting it now

In all honesty I doubt he will care if anything he might send back "you need to move on OP"

I mean you have been split longer than you were together and how you feel is not his responsibility. And if he has a young family even less so.

Look at it as you finally saying what you wanted to to him.

I hope you can move on now.

MMmomDD · 07/06/2024 08:28

OP - as everybody already said - please get help, as your main issue is not really him. Age, fertility and health are hard to deal with. But they are not defining your worth as a person.
Whoever that guy was - he moved on for his own reasons. You need to accept that he had the right to make that choice for himself.

beatrix1234 · 07/06/2024 09:34

I believe that by sending (“accidentally”) that email you’re trying to get closure, a closure you never got and that is stopping you from moving on and getting into another relationship. This guy really did do a number on you, instead of telling him what a horrible man he was and how badly he had hurted you decided to keep things to yourself and hold that pain for four years. I hope he gets back to you and you can get some closure, do NOT act like was an accident “oh I’m so sorry” , it was not, your still hurting, if he doesn’t like it then f- ck him. If you don’t get closure from him get some therapy.

BeauSignoles · 07/06/2024 12:00

This might make you feel better: a friend of mine made a video of herself masturbating and attached it to an email to send to her boyfriend. For whatever reason, she didn't send it and it sat in her draft folder in Hotmail.

They broke up, acrimoniously, never spoke again. Several years later she logged into her old Hotmail account and for some reason there was an update (I'm vague on the whys now) that meant every draft email sent... she'd forgotten about the video until the ex replied asking WTF.

SheepAndSword · 07/06/2024 15:18

@BeauSignoles oh no!!

Sorry @Iwantacupoftea I'll have to go back and find out if you had a response

EDIT: OK I've gone back - I still think about my ex and that's been far more than 4 years. In a snarly way as he mistreated me so I left.

You deserve some happiness and it's time to relegate him to the past where he belongs. Write it all out, seek help, focus on yourself

Original poster
Iwantacupoftea · 07/06/2024 17:47

Got a reply. Don't know whether to laugh or cry -

You are so brave to write. I've missed you like crazy and think about you lots. You meant the world to me. You are such a unique woman. I thought you wanted to be friends and you hurt ME when you cut me out of your life. I phoned and texted so many times but you must have blocked me. I would love to see you again.

And more blah blah blah about how great l am and then -

(woman's name) came into my life and we were both at the same stage and you might think l'm mad but we started trying to have a child immediately. We now live in ???? and have a daughter called ?????. We got married in ????? Our daughter is blah blah blah

Followed by more blah blah blah about wanting to connect with me. Sorry he hurt me, didn't mean to, l am wonderful blah blah. Can we now be friends?

OP posts:
category12 · 07/06/2024 18:04

Friends, yeah, after totally downplaying he's married to someone else - just the same life stage eh? Bet she'd love that depiction of their relationship. 🙄😬

At least you know he's a faithless chancer, eh?

AliceOlive · 07/06/2024 18:09

I hope the fact that he’s an asshat who cannot write properly helps give you some closure.

SofaSpuds · 07/06/2024 18:10

Iwantacupoftea · 07/06/2024 17:47

Got a reply. Don't know whether to laugh or cry -

You are so brave to write. I've missed you like crazy and think about you lots. You meant the world to me. You are such a unique woman. I thought you wanted to be friends and you hurt ME when you cut me out of your life. I phoned and texted so many times but you must have blocked me. I would love to see you again.

And more blah blah blah about how great l am and then -

(woman's name) came into my life and we were both at the same stage and you might think l'm mad but we started trying to have a child immediately. We now live in ???? and have a daughter called ?????. We got married in ????? Our daughter is blah blah blah

Followed by more blah blah blah about wanting to connect with me. Sorry he hurt me, didn't mean to, l am wonderful blah blah. Can we now be friends?

I think laugh @Iwantacupoftea 🤣

He's a dick. Don't even bother contacting him, just block now.
And hopefully realise you had a lucky escape!

TemuSpecialBuy · 07/06/2024 18:12

Ahahaha

what a dick… he wants to have a farewell shag be “friends”…

I feel sorry for the wife

Opentooffers · 07/06/2024 18:19

Appropriate response here is. "Sorry l, sent it by mistake, all written long ago, I don't feel the same now".
He's at the young DC, hard graft stage where the romance has died down and you are his way to excitement. Don't get involved. He's not a nice man and not good enough if he is touting for an affair.

Sunnytwobridges · 07/06/2024 18:26

Iwantacupoftea · 06/06/2024 19:37

Appreciate all the comments but feeling down that everyone is suggesting 4 years is a long time to still be hung up on your ex. Surely it can take years to really get over someone esp if you've not met anyone better?

I guess l revist my email to feel close to him - the possibility of contact - but no l did not mean to actually send it when l did but readily admit that subconsciously l maybe wanted this to happen. Now it has though l am feeling awful.

I’m a lot like you OP. When my fiance of 4 yrs ghosted me it took years and years to get over. I’m sure if I had met someone else I was really into it wouldn’t have taken me that long. But I rarely meet men that I click with like I did with him.

unlike many people I don’t get over breakups in mere weeks or months. I wish I could just move on to the next guy quickly, just not made that way I guess 🤷🏾‍♀️

louderthan · 07/06/2024 18:26

AliceOlive · 07/06/2024 18:09

I hope the fact that he’s an asshat who cannot write properly helps give you some closure.

Asshat is such a brilliant insult!

beatrix1234 · 07/06/2024 18:31

I tend to stay friends with my ex's, unless they've treated me bad of course and in that case I don't stay friends. This guy misses as a friend you but he's got a wife and a daughter and moved on with his life. He's not apologising for all the hurt and pain he's caused so that strikes me as him being very selfish (I may be wrong but I'm getting a hint of it). You need to protect yourself and your feelings because to this date you're still mourning this relationship: you're not emotionally ready to be friends, you haven't "reached" that stage yet. If I were you I would be selfish too, let him know that he hurt you and you're not ready to be friends, then block. Learn to mourn this, get some therapy but DO NOT get in touch with this guy because it won't be good for your mental health, protect yourself. Block block block.

Objectrelations · 07/06/2024 18:34

Fortunately he has boundary issues and appears to think this is all normal Grin so that's dug you out of a hole !!

If I was a betting person what you do next will not involve taking advice from strangers on the internet.

Babbahabba · 07/06/2024 18:35

Please whatever you do don't reply. Delete and block.

Theweepywillow · 07/06/2024 18:41

I am not sure you’re able to be friends with him op, to hear about his wife and child.