Fiancé has been on dating apps throughout our relationship

[Kat9012]

My fiancé and I have been together for 7 years now and have been engaged for about a year and a half, we're due to get married in 5 months.

About a year ago a mutual friend of ours sent me a screenshot of my fiancés tinder profile. I'll admit I was pretty emotional and angry at the time and probably should have waited until I calmed down a little to confront him. After I confronted him he immediately said it wasn't him and that someone must have been impersonating him. I suspected he was lying at the time but eventually decided to just move on from it since he swore it wasn't him and he let me look through his phone.

It's been a year since then and we recently moved in together. I've been finding out other little things that he's been lying about throughout our relationship, and this made me question the whole Tinder situation again. I asked him again about it a lot more calmly this time and he finally confessed to everything and that he was just using it on and off for the past few years as a confidence booster. He claims he didn't see anything wrong with it as long as he didn't go on any dates or message anyone.

He then went on to say that he didn't want to tell me he'd been using it the first time I confronted him about it since I was too emotional at the time and that he didn't want upset me further. It really bothers me that a year has gone by and he never told me the truth until now.

I honestly don't know where to go from here, I feel like I can't trust him anymore. I still really care for him and he's like my best friend but this whole situation has made me rethink our relationship and if I want to marry him.

Should I try to forgive him or is this a sign to break things off?

You dump him from a great height. No man who is supposed to be in love with you, who tells you he wants to build a life with you, should be on a dating app - should even be thinking about being in a dating app, and certainly not be lying about making an effort to cheat on you. He’s only got one foot in the relationship. He’s scanning the horizon with the other..

Dump him, he’s taking the piss ….

You shouldn’t marry him or even stay with him, deep down you know this. Don’t be the woman, constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. There isn’t a version of him that won’t be the selfish, self serving, immature twat that he is now.

Unfortunately you probably will still marry him as you seem quite gullible. The fact you even have to ask is telling.

Cancel the wedding.

Move out.

Do not listen to any apologies or promises.

Block him.

Move on with your life.

Of course he’s messaged others on there and more then likely meet up with some for sex.

You can’t trust him.

So you're finding out a lot of things he's lied about, and he's got this sob story about his ego self esteem to justify using dating apps?

I don't think you should marry him. Being with someone you can't trust wrecks your head.

I wonder if there is a checklist that should be given out when hooking up with someone "FAQ if you cant work out what to do read and answer this"

If you need to be told by another person do not get married

You have to ask?

Omg no don't trust him and fgs don't marry him.

Get an STI test after you dump him.

he sounds grim

No trust = no relationship

Goodness knows what he’s been up to and chosen not to tell you !

Marry him at your peril

Well he was lying to you then and he's lying to you now.
Of course he's on there to meet up and shag women if possible!
If no one is willing, he'll be happy with photos/texts/calls for his wank bank..up until he can get his Dick wet with someone.

It's as simple as that.

Oh sweetheart he needs to be an ex fiancé.

If he’s not cheating yet (highly unlikely) he’s a cheat waiting to happen. His need for validation and ego kibbles from other women will drive more and more risky behaviour.

He did not keep quiet and lie to you to protect you or to prevent causing you upset he did it to protect himself he’s a self serving, entitled idiot. If he’d been worried about you he’d never have been on that app.

He has all the hall markings of an unsafe partner for you. Dump his sorry arse and don’t look back.

I’m so sorry you must be utterly heartbroken.

He is untrustworthy and a liar. He has made this quite clear. He has shown you who he is and you have chosen to ignore it.

Do you want to marry a man who you can't trust and who is a blatant liar? If yes, crack on and we'll see you back here in a few months/years asking about divorce. Hopefully, you won't have added children into this.

Otherwise, do what is right for you and dump him.

Get rid! He sounds sneaky.

Dump him and move out (get tested while you’re at it). He’s a liar and a cheat.

Oh and not only is he a lousy partner he’s not your best friend, he’s not even a friend. Friends don’t treat each other like that.

I made the mistake of marrying a man who showed me he couldn’t be trusted. Don’t make that mistake.

It will be heartbreaking to walk away now, but take it from one who knows, it’s a lot harder several years in with children involved.

I’m sorry you’re having to go through this. Writing this from experience - don’t marry him. I had a very similar experience to you except I married him. Here I am 17 years down the line with 2 kids trying to divorce him. He was cheating the whole time and even swinging and I know I don’t even know the half of it. Save yourself years more heartache by booting him out and get an STI test. Trust your gut always

This man cannot be trusted.

Its highly likely he’s now ‘confessing’ with the whole ‘confidence boost’ story as he’s had years to make this shit up.

Your doubts and his lying will eat you up and if you stay you’ll be back here in a couple of years wishing to god you’d left him when you had the chance, probably having added a couple of kids to the mix.

This is your BIG red flag warning to leave now before you stake your life to him.

Time to walk!

Na, I'm a guy and this is bull. He's keeping his options open. He probably does like you, otherwise he wouldn't have proposed, but yeah, it's either that he likes you say 80%, which is enough to marry, but he's still wondering whether he can do better... or he's looking for something on the side.

Either way, you don't deserve to be treated that way.

Why the actual fuck would you want to stay with someone, let alone marry someone, who doesn’t think you’re enough?

OP please leave him
It's the lack of judgement that concerns me here. He broke your trust, he lied and he doe snot see anything wrong with what he did. This man cannot be trusted and you cannot have children with someone who lacks intelligence like this

Can you think back to the very first few dates or early stages of your relationship and pinpoint times that he
-may have exaggerated an event?
-or maybe he promised things?
-or that he was keen to build intimacy quickly i.e overly charming?
-Or that his stories don't add up?

Often, the behaviour of men on the first few dates or early stages are foreshadowing

Leave. Bollocks he has never met up with anyone, I don't believe him.

For context, my fiancé was the king of this- turns out he was cheating on me from before we were married, to the day I caught him in the act and chucked him out. You deserve better

I asked him again about it a lot more calmly this time and he finally confessed to everything and that he was just using it on and off for the past few years as a confidence booster. He claims he didn't see anything wrong with it as long as he didn't go on any dates or message anyone

OP - there's thread after thread on here of women who found out their OP was on dating sites, sex sites, OnlyFans sites, sites with hook ups, sites where men look for sex workers, sites for swingers - and it's always "I was only looking. I'd never DO anything or go any further."

His "I was using it as a confidence booster" 🙄is just another way of saying that. If he needs his confidence boosted then therapy's a much better option. Of course he had every intention of using them.

Very good advice on this thread. Listen to it.

He convinced you it wasn't true so that you'd stop talking about it, then waited til you had moved in together and become entwined before finally admitting everything and now you feel like you can't trust him? That's because he lied and manipulated you so that you wouldn't dump him straight away. Question is now you know the truth what are you going to do differently? Let him think he's ploy worked and he can now do other shitty things then just lie about it or walk away because you are worth more than that?